To think this is bloody rude?

[WhatsTheT]

OH's mother does this all the time, but today I'm in a particularly bad mood, so other half obviously thinks I'm being "moody" and being annoyed over nothing.

His mother comes over today, and she's had a couple of health problems (Which she knows I've had in the past), so she tells me all about it and the problems she is having, she finishes speaking and I start talking, responding to her issues and telling her what I experienced, and she just starts talking to my 7mo daughter while I'm talking, full volume. Daughter was just sitting not doing much at all, not like she interrupted us with a squeal or a giggle.

I think "I'll carry on talking, she'll eventually look" nope... she carries on talking to the baby, so I stop mid sentence, and she says not one word back.

This is rude isn't it?

She sees DD all the time so it isn't as if it's an exciting visit. And even if it was you don't allow someone to listen to everything you have to say, then blank them when they start talking and start talking over them.

Really can't stand rude people.

OH obviously thinks I'm just being "moody" (he also lacks in conversational manners, wonder where he gets it from??)

You have my sympathy, this is so rude! It's makes you feel tiny, as if what you're saying will be so unimportant that it's not worth listening to. If you confront her with it she'd probably say she is listening at the same time as cooing at the baby but that's not how a normal conversation works. We make eye contact, give verbal nods and don't interrupt.

I had a close friend start doing this, she would talk and then I would respond, she'd talk over my response as if I wasn't even there! So I told her and she was very sorry and hadn't realised, totally switched her behaviour.

Another friend was like this all the time, you'd be responding and she would start on a totally different subject. Not worth telling her about it as she was self obsessed and she was more of an acquaintance so just stopped spending any time with her. Sorry I know that's not an option for you! Can't believe your husband doesn't acknowledge that as rude.

I do think it's something wrong with them though, some kind of insecurity maybe rather than thinking they're amazing? I'm not sure. My mum does it slightly, I'll say something and she's so desperate to get the next sentence out that she'll respond with a quick "yeah" and back to what she was going to say. I let her off though as she does hear everything I'm telling her, and has a pure heart of goodness so isn't being nasty with it.

To be honest I said she does it all the time. It doesn't always involve her health

But despite that, even if I was just talking about myself, she already had for 30 mins, I responded politely and listened to her, so it would still be pig ignorant to just ignore me and talk over me. Otherwise I could have done the same to her when she was rambling for 30 mins :) She spoke for around 30 mins, I can't have even passed a minute.

She does sound rude. I'd want to try the ideas from hiddenhome next time.

My mum does this. She always has. I'm sure she doesn't realise she does it, but everything - I mean EVERYTHING - I say is either ignored, talked over or contradicted. It has affected me. Go into battle, OP!

Oh god Devora I feel for you!

My DM does this. Then asks me what I was saying, doesn't listen, asks again... I repeat - she doesn't listen. So on and so forth. Drives me nuts. My boss talks over me too but I shout at him to let me finish.

And yes, it is rude!

My parents do this to me all the time. Since I've had DS it's like nothing I have to say is as interesting as whatever DS is doing. I'll be talking to them and DS will come along and they just start speaking to him, while I'm still speaking! DS is 4 and has a habit of interrupting. DP and I pull him up on it all the time, then DS waits until we've finished or says excuse me so we listen. If he interrupts while I'm speaking to my parents, I'll say, "One moment, I'm still speaking" but then I can tell my parents are only half-listening and waiting for me to finish so they can give their attention to DS. It gets really frustrating. Sometimes I just stop talking when I realise they're not listening and they never say, "Sorry what we you saying?", they just carry on like I was never speaking in the first place.

My cousin does this. Talks at me solidly for fifteen mins... the second I start speaking/responding, she turns her attention to her children and starts speaking to them. I now accept that in her company I just listen, nod, agree. Absolutely pointless trying to have a two way convo.

Sorry to say this, because I'm obviously the only one who is thinking this way, but I'm quite shocked that paying attention to a child is classed as 'rude'.

It's ok for your dd to be "sitting not doing very much at all" and being paid no attention?

Don't be so obtuse. Nobody said that paying attention to a child is rude, the point is that blatantly ignoring someone who's trying to continue a conversation with you is rude, as I'm sure you realise.

Paying attention to a child to the exclusion of an adult that is speaking to you is rude, and you're being obtuse.

Especially because while the person in question is in full monologue mode they pay no attention to the child then!!

My mil does this. I don't respond to much these days and most of what she says is met with 'oh really'.

My smil is the same...although I don't think it's just me she does it to. I too have stopped talking mid sentence to see what would happen, then been amazed when she didn't notice or care.

It's hard not to feel insulted when she is so charismatic, successful and seemingly sophisticated...but what I have realised is that a person can be all that and still have terrible social skills.

Fatmomma of course ignoring the person who is talking to you to focus on someone else for no reason at all is rude! Even if that someone else is a child.

It does sound like you didn't listen to her first though. It does sound like you disregarded everything she said about her, and started speaking exclusively about yourself. It is horrible when you tell someone how you are feeling and they don't acknowledge your feelings at all, just respond by telling you how they felt in a similar situation.

Maybe she couldn't look at you because she was tearful??

Ask her about it.

Next time she does it, just politely say "oh sorry, was I boring you? I find that sometimes when I'm speaking you seem to ignore me or interrupt me. I'm wondering if there's a specific reason, or maybe you don't realise you're doing it?"

See what she says.

One of my friends does this all the time. I find it hurtful but have just accepted that that's the way she is.

Just the other day I had listened to her talking about her week for ages then when I began to tell her of something really upsetting that had happened to me she broke eye contact, got out her mobile phone and began reading her messages - I carried on, hoping she would acknowledge me but she didn't. She just told me about the messsage she'd received.

My in laws do this. For a long time it was their new garden, every time was talking about something that didn't interest them I wag cut across with "Did I tell you what I did in the garden..." but it doesn't have to be specific. The other day, after listening to a full monologue on their holiday, their gardening, their adventures in getting a paint match for their living room wall and various other trivia I was asked my plans for the weekend (as DH is away and she wanted me to take the kids up to hers because she thinks I can't cope alone as has been illustrated by many previous conversations with her). "I was going to see if X is free, I haven't seen her for a while as she was up and down to her hometown (a six hour drive) as her grandmother was very ill and then unfortunately died." MIL answered, looking up from watching the children playing on the floor with DH and says "Oh, how is X, I've not seen her for a while."