To ask which of you are step parents?

[Snoozybird]

I often read the step parenting section on MN and understand by its very nature that a lot of the posts will be from people who are having issues in their relationships.

Even so I was surprised by the number of people on a recent thread elsewhere on MN where people casually mentioned their DSCs in passing - I'd kind of forgotten that you can have a step family set-up without the drama.

I'm really struggling at the moment and would find it somehow reassuring to know that there are others out there just getting on with family life, and if so what would be your top tip?

I'm not but DH is, and DC1 has step mum married to his father. No drama here, we all just get on with it.

I'm one, two DSS 3&6. Has it's ups and downs and took some adjusting for me but I wouldn't change it. I don't think of them as my own at all but I take responsibility for their health and happiness and discipline when they're with us as much as their dad does. We have months of no drama followed by the occasional hiccup.

I view it as the more the merrier and as long as all adults involved are on the same page with rules and restrictions I find it quite (dare I say) easy. I've very much developed my own relationships with the children and I look forward to seeing them and sharing in their achievements. My top tips are to give your relationship with your OH the hardest of work as once that is solid then the children will just go with the flow, and never ever bad mouth the ex-wife or other style of parenting. Not having children of my own yet has made me realise that you definitely don't get a hand-book to guide you and taking on step-children is not dissimilar from being handed a new born baby - I don't think anyone truly knows what to do and you just have to get on with it. No three or four adults are going to parent exactly the same and people make mistakes, as long as you can discuss them amicably. I'm very lucky that me , my partner and the children's mum all believe that exposing the children to adult themes of disagreements and relationship drama is wrong. They are little people who just want to be fed, clothed, loved and entertained and that's what we do.

I hope that helps

I am sm to 3 who are now adults but were teens when I got them. They just fitted nicely with mine so when I married they were 13, 15, 16, 17 and 18.
My top tip is for each of you to treat them all exactly equally with hugs or sanctions as you would your own. Feelings develop over the years but fairness should always be there.
Ours are all in their forties now with dc of their own. We are estranged from dsd now aged 44 but on the whole we have remained a close and happy family.

I have 3dsc. The ds's were older teenagers and making their own way in life when I met their dad so we don't have a close relationship but it's amicable. Dsd was 12 and we have had our dramas over the years but now have a good mother/daughter relationship. She considers my (and dh's) children to be her brothers in every way.

I am about to stop Mumsneting and go and pick up her ds (my dgs) from nursery so I have my uses!

I am a stepparent, no drama here everyone gets on really well as friends. the kids know not to to play us off because we talk all the time and agree on things between us. works for us, don't give up,it is possible. I don't have a top tip five years ago I would not have expected us all to be visiting each others houses, having the other children of the families round for tea and such just take everything as it is and remember to make time for yourself

I'm a stepmum to a 14 yr old DSD and a 16 yr old DSS. I've been with DP for over 10 years now so am very close to them and am lucky in that their mum is fantastic and even though she despised me she never (as far as DP and I can gather) tried to turn them against me.

Agree with wink about never saying anything bad about their mum; there have been times when they've come to me complaining about her but I always remain neutral.

At the beginning of mine and DP's relationship I really struggled with coming to terms with the fact that he came with 2 kids; we (or rather I) got through it and now I can't imagine life without them. I'd love them to move in with us someday but realise that that may never happen.

Ah honey that's lovely very high praise indeed if you hope your own will be like dsd.