or is DH being daft?

[LadyDeGrump]

DH has his driving test on Saturday. If all goes well, he wants to buy a car on Saturday afternoon. He wants to buy a new car.

He then wants to drive from London to Manchester the following weekend. By himself.

I think that a) a new car is absolutely ridiculous for a new driver and that b) a week after passing his test, even with a motorway lesson in between, it is neither clever nor safe to attempt the London to Manchester drive.

He says it is fine because he is 30 something and not the typical kind of 18 yo boy racer new driver.

If he passes his test, I am seriously thinking of confiscating his passport, licence, debit and credit cards to prevent him from going through with this potentially ruinous plan.

MN Jury am i being unreasonable, neurotic or sensible?

[crustsaway]

Not sure why you dont know about his finances? Why wouldnt you both have them rather combined or equally shared?

As for his driving, if he wants to do it of course you shouldnt put a downer on it and he can drive where he pleases.

[LadyDeGrump]

I do know his finances. We partially but dont fully share. It works for us. A 2k car could be His Problem but a first hand car would require a contribution from me or the kind of monthly payment which would impact on other things. What I dont know is the insurance, because I just dont know what insurance f9r a 32 yo new driver on a new car would be like. I suspect that it would fall into the sphere of impacting on me.

[RiderOfDragons]

You'd withhold sex if he brought a car??Is that a normal reaction? What's the point of him taking the test if you won't 'allow' him to drive?

I agree that new cars aren't generally the best idea for newbies to drive but it depends what he's like. I know people with bangers who bang them up regular and ones with new cars without scratches.

Check how much his insurance would come down taking pass plus, it may be worth waiting for that...

[RiderOfDragons]

Some second hand cars though cheaper in short run actually end up costing more because they aren't good quality. Has he considered leasing?

[LadyDeGrump]

I wont stop him from driving. I would only withhold sex if he spent a lot of money on a new car when he knew inthought it daft. Mostly because I would be too annoyed with him to enjoy it.

For the record, I honestly dont want to stop him from driving. What I am thinking about discouraging (strongly but not actually preventing) is his driving a) a new car b) to Manchester c) the week he passes his test.

If he wants to buy a banger and drive it to Hertfordshire he can fill his boots.

[LadyDeGrump]

Good point Rider, I will suggest that.

[keeptothewhiteline]

lady- a brand new car costs a great deal more than 2K. I am sure you are aware of that.
New cars depreciate in value a lot very fast. On average 20% a year.
So if you buy a brand new car for £10K, after 24 months you have lost £4000 of your cash- and this is on top of running costs.

www.theaa.com/motoring_advice/car-buyers-guide/cbg_depreciation.html

[msgrinch]

yabu. Nor one of my friends crashed or even scratched their cars, they were overly cautious. If he earns enough then he should go for it. As for converscating his property.... If my partner dared do that I'd leave them.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

Agree with pp.

I don't understand anyone buying a brand new car really.

[Whichseason]

Unless he is getting an off the peg new car it will be unlikely to be ready within a week.

I don't think is is the best plan but YABU to hide cards, passports etc or withhold sex.

IMO an approved used car which is a couple of years old is better value for money.

Your DH needs to work out how much a new car and insurance will cost.

[DoreenLethal]

I drove from Kent to Mid Wales on a friday evening the week after passing my test.

However - as you are married, you need to talk about finances and the affordability of a new car.

[LadyDeGrump]

So I obviously wouldnt really confiscate. But why is witholding sex unreasonable? If its my choice to consent and I dont feel in the mood because im annoyed on financial and safety (drive to Manc) grounds then I dont see how that is unreasonable?

[ImperialBlether]

I was told by my instructor when I passed to go on a good long journey on my own to get used to driving alone.

If I were him I'd have three or four lessons in the week (assuming he passes) to get him used to getting on and off motorways.

I'd advise him to use the toll road on the day - it's fantastic driving on that.

Most of his driving can just be in the slow lane, moving over when there's a slip road and then moving back. This is a lot safer than driving on A roads.

Are you worried that he'll go in the fast lane? That he'll be overtaking everyone in sight? Is he arrogant? Has his instructor expressed any worries about his attitude? Those are the things I'd be worrying about.

If I were him I'd set off at about 6 am when there's less traffic, just so that he can get used to driving alone.

[ImperialBlether]

OP, are you a driver? Because a long journey is actually just a series of small journeys.

[Momagain1]

My brother, back in the day when many US school systems provided driver training, took the usual classes in high school, but failed the exam. No matter, he was off to basic training at the end of the summer anyway.

So, he went to basic, and from there to his A school, and then home almost the next summer for a good long leave before his next round of training. We lived in the southeast, his B school was literally as far to the northwest from us as it could be. As the visit was coming to an end, our dm asked him about his plans, did he need a her to take him to the airport the next week?

No, no problem, he planned to drive.
Drive? He would need to leave the next morning?!
No problem, he had gone and got a license that morning. Now he was waiting for High School Friend to pick him up. He was buying HSF's dad's 30 year old junker.
Is HSF going on the road trip with you (asked mom hopefully)
Nope.

Next morning, a week early than we expected him to leave (we wondered if we would have known at all if mom hadnt needed to know about requesting time off!) he set out to drive across the US in late spring/early summer, in a 30 year old car with no air conditioning. By the time he reached the interstate highway, he had already driven further that he ever had before, and he only had about 3,000 miles and two mountain ranges to go. Je wouldnt even promise to call collect each night, because he figured he would just sleep in the car some nights.

He made it.

[FuckingLiability]

I would never buy a brand new car even as an experienced driver but that's because the depreciation makes it a poor financial decision IMO! The insurance for a new driver on a new car will be astronomical.

I understand your worries, but I think you just have to let him get on with the driving from London to Manchester and address the new car issue as a separate one of affordability for you all as a family.

[MasterchefIwish]

OP, it is fine to refuse sex if annoyed, not fine if it's to punish and control. I was going to say your first post saying it did seem to imply that you'd threaten to withhold sex unless he behaved or you'd refuse sex to get him to change his mind after.

[MasterchefIwish]

You can always refuse sex but if the intent is (and I don't think you meant it that way) to get him to do as you wish then that's very controlling and wrong.

[zipzap]

Why does he want a brand new car when they depreciate so badly?

Have you ever had a brand new car or have you bought second hand cars?

Agree that he would BU to buy a car without working out finances (including insurance, fuel, depreciation, parking etc) for the next 3 years say of his typical expected usage and see how much various different options cost over that sort of timeframe for at least 4 different cars (including 1 new, 1 banger and 1 2-3 yr old car) so he can see in hard cash terms how much he is going to be paying out and what other impacts it will have.

Also - will you be driving this car at all? In which case, get yourself on the insurance as a second driver so that you can drive it occasionally if needs be (say if you went away together and wanted to share the driving) and because it should help to bring down his costs. Also - shouldn't you in that case have an input into what sort of car he gets so that it will be comfortable for you too?

Sorry - just realised I've assumed that you drive too! Ignore the bits about your driving if necessary!

Still think he needs to do some serious cost per year analysis for several different cars so he can see where the money goes and if he is happy to spend an extra few £k on a new car rather than put that money towards a holiday or a piano or a gas bill or whatever he might want or need to use it for!

[msgrinch]

Because you're doing it to manipulate and control him, because he's not doing as you want. That's controlling. of course don't have sex if you're not in the mud but to use sex to punish your partner is quite hurtful.

[crustsaway]

Nothing wrong with getting a new car.. makes far more sense to do that and trade in again and again. Not sure why you would stop him driving the thing though?

[keeptothewhiteline]

Whatever type of car OH gets the insurance will be cheaper if the OP is the policy holder is she has a no claims bonus. Then the OH can be insured as a named driver.

[Bakeoffcake]

I don't blame you for being cross with him about buying the car. It sounds like he hasn't even gone through the figures properly (doesn't know the cost of insurance, which can be easily looked up online) but has told you he's doing it anyway.


You dont make huge financial decisions like this without discussion and planning.

[pictish]

I passed my test last September and had my own car waiting to use. I took it anywhere and everywhere straight away. It has been one of the most exhilerating and confidence boosting things I have ever done and nothing was going to stop me exercising my new found freedom.
So yabu.

[Bakeoffcake]

keep it's illegal to do that if the DH is actually the main driver. If you have an accident you will not be uninsured as you've lied.