to wonder how long sexual attractiveness lasts?

[lifeisstrange]

Am 46 and have recently gone back to work (albeit temporary work) after being a SAHM for 13 years .

Am working in a school and naturally a lot of the staff (though not all) are younger than me. Have no idea how I come across to people but weird to be catapulted into a younger environment. Weird but good. Some people are respectful in the way that people are with older people (which really does make me feel old). Am getting to know people gradually however and I do think that changes things - you kind of stop being seen for the age that you are and become the person you are.

There is a teacher who is at the school two days a week who is lovely - kind / funny. He must be somewhere in his 30s - don't know where - around mid 30s maybe?

Have found myself realising I find him kind of attractive . It's a bit weird to then realise that it is unlikely he would be attracted back as I must be around 9 or 10 years older (roughly - maybe a bit less). It makes me feel sad. Not that I am sitting here pining over this person. It's just the sad thought that the days of being found attractive in that way are over .

So I have been wondering whether sexual attractiveness does have a cut off point? At 46 should I give up on the idea of any man finding me attractive again.

I'm 41 and I'm the most attractive I have ever been in my life. I know that I exude confidence and as a result, sexuality! I get loads of attention from all ages, yep massive blowing of trumpet, but there you go. When I was in my 30s I was nowhere nr as confident, and as a result, not as attractive, I have lots of guys after me now, but not so many when I was younger. It's a cliché but attractiveness is all about your own attitude and how you view yourself. I have finally accepted myself and you know what, I love myself (not in a narc way) and I like myself, I want the best for myself and I think I'm pretty awesome, despite my flaws. Sexual attraction totally comes from within.

I take your point mindmaking .

I feel fit and healthy - don't have any aches and pains and never moan about stuff like that, it's more that I am convinced younger people will only be interested in me out of some kind of pity . Tbh am finding it a little difficult in the staff room at times but that may be nothing to do with people's ages and my perceived perception of how they see me - just different personalities and the fact that I am new (and temporary).

Most of all people are probably not thinking anything (I like that saying "there is no one in the gallery"). Have more to say (and thanks for your messages) but my lunch break is finishing.

People of all ages can be attractive in different ways. It's about being the age you are and trying not to look younger.

Doesn't mean you can't "eye up" younger people, of course, and even date them. (Although if you are a woman, expect unflattering "cougar" and "lecherous old woman" comments, and if you are a man, expect the usual slew of unflattering epithets like "pot-bellied" and "balding" and "pervert").

Doesn't have a limit surely?!

I'm 35. My fling is 46. He's insanely hot

My mum is 60 and trust me, she has no problem with people finding her sexually attractive. She still turns heads.

My auntie is nearly 70 and still gets lots of attention from men of all ages, but granted, she looks about 50 so no one knows she is as old as she is.

I am 34 but getting more attractive as I age. I am not a head turner by any stretch of the imagination but age has improved my looks.

I walk around with my adult DDs, who get given the eye by men my age and older. They continually say WTF.

Normal man behavior, if "given the eye" means the men are just looking. (Less so if they are trying to catch the eye.)

I think in general its true that you tend to be attractive to and attracted by people of a similar age

Only true for females.

To explain: there was something I read recently (I think based on data compiled from a dating site) that shows that men essentially prefer to look at 21-22 year-olds, regardless of their own age. Women up to the age of about 40 (or was it 44?) look at about their own age, above that they get stuck, i.e. women older than that will on average look at 40/44 year-old men.

Who people look at and who they contact are two different things, fat balding 55-year old men may look at the most attractive 21-year-olds, but they're more realistic (if not completely realistic) in who they contact.

crikey - 46 is nothing! You certainly are not over the hill.

I'm 51 and am reasonably attractive / sexy and do get comments occasionally! I'm also pretty fit as a regular runner which keeps me feeling younger and slimmer.

One of my friends is 68 and recently divorced - she is the sexiest woman I know and is having a ball dating men of various ages - older and younger! She is chronically ill, with thinning hair BUT is always immaculately dressed and has the most amazing eyes that are totally engaging and flash inky black at you if you cross her! She's is quite some feisty lady!

I think a lot is in the mind - I behave quite outrageously at times for 'a woman of my age' but if I was 20 years younger no-one would even bat an eyelid. However I have recently worked my way out of a crush on a younger male friend [which has lasted a few years! totally unreciprocated!] and am now accepting that he would never fancy me in a million years! I don't care and he is still a friend.

My husband is 43 (I am 24) and I think he is a sex God.

It's all in your confidence. And 46 is not old!!

46 is young! All you need is a revamp ! Treat yourself to a mini makeover with new hair and outfits, go online and watch some makeup tutorials on You Tube to update your 'look' and you will feel like a different person. If you look your best you feel your best.

I just sat next to three ladies whom were twenty years older than me and they were gorgeous.

No limit

Haven't read the whole thread - I'm a man in my late thirties. I find older women very attractive, more so than women in their twenties, so don't put yourself down!

Been with DH nearly 25 years and we're most definitely middle aged. But behind closed doors we're still like a couple of lustful teenagers and I can't see that ever changing, thank God

My Auntie is a stunning looking 60 something year old and she can still turn plenty of heads when she walks in the room, often from much younger men

I'm 46. So definitely middle aged.

My husband and I had a good snog on his way out the door this morning, including him leering down my shirt.

We've been together for about 15 years.

My 85 year old father still leers at my 78 year old mother. Beyond that? I don't want to know where it goes! They've been together since Adam and Eve. Or something like that.

I'm 42, together for 15 years this year, and me and (older) DH still find each other attractive.

However, I used to be considered really attractive, and was used to getting flowers sent to me at my office, being approached etc., generally garnering many compliments.

When I left work to be a SAHM/WAHM, I lost every scrap of confidence in my looks, my hair went a bit shit, I wore less attractive clothes, and I cannot believe I was 'that' woman only a few years ago. I feel like I've aged 20 years since having children!

I go running, I'm slim again, I wear a bit of make up and generally make an effort, but I'll never have that confidence back again. I literally cannot imagine for a moment anyone ever finding me attractive again (apart form DH). Oddly, I'm okay with it. I had 20 years of attention for my looks and sometimes it made me uncomfortable.

As long as DH still finds me a bit foxy, then I'm happy!

I agree with PP who've said/implied that perhaps the ways in which people are attractiveness (and the types of people you attract) change with age. So perhaps it's partly about redefining attractiveness as you get older.

On average, in terms of straightforward sexual arousal, women in their 20s(ish) will attract/sexually arouse more men. These women are likely to be at peak fertility. Evolution, innit?

However, fortunately we don't seem to be complete slaves to this, there are exceptions at an individual level, and attraction seems to develop in different ways as we age.

I'd say YANBU to think things are likely to change in some ways around menopause (and before/after). But this doesn't need to be a negative thing, and I agree wholeheartedly that people can attract other people at all ages.

I'm 21 and I find a lot of 40+ women very attractive (sorry- men, not so much! though I do like younger men). I even have a particular type
I wish it were more normal to have large age gap relationships.

Don't want to generalise at all, but women who aren't my age just seem so sorted in terms of their sense of self, I suppose I mean confidence, but there's something else too. Also it just seems like there's loads more to talk about and conversation is just more interesting.

To explain: there was something I read recently (I think based on data compiled from a dating site)

Maybe this, or something similar www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/sep/28/seven-secrets-of-dating-from-the-experts-at-okcupid

Men on dating sites can be depressing in their attitude to women in their 40s. At the age of 43 I was "favourited" by a 50 year old. He looked like a hairy biker's uglier, older brother. His profile did not suggest that his personality made up for this. Whereas I'm fit, funny and intelligent. Anyway, I couldn't contact him because his profile was locked so that only women between the age of 20 and 40 could contact him. He was not unusual in stating that he only wanted to date women substantially younger than himself.

However, IRL, men do seem to find me attractive. I think they don't really register age in the same way when you're standing in front of them. I do feel less attractive than I did in my 30s (and dating sites do not help this ) but I don't feel like there's some cut off point. And if there is, well, pfft. My horse thinks I'm great and my cats love me to bits so long as I feed the furry demon fuckers

Oh and I saw a very, very pretty older woman on the tube this morning. Grey hair and stunning face. I caught myself staring and had to make myself look away! Like someone said, there's no cut off.

There's no cut-off point for being sexually attractive although you notice that the demographic shifts. Where hunky chappies in their mid-20s used to give me a side glance, I'm not much more likely to be chatted up by an overweight 40-something in a cheap suit on the train

Having said that a couple of years ago I got friendly with a guy at guy at work who was 21. Thinking there was no way he'd be sexually attracted to me, we used to have a giggle and a bit of a flirt. Then one night we all went out as a team and he made a pass at me, told me he couldn't stop thinking about me and, most flattering of all, I was #1 in his wank bank

Friendaskedme I love a bit of unabashed leering from DH too. I can still reduce him to a slack jawed state by wearing a push up bra and a plunge neck top.

We often have a text 'smut-off' too where I manage to even shock myself and DH is just plain dirrrty

You've got to find each other sexy surely? It's what separates you from just being house mates.

WhoreGasm

It is quite humid here so I am wearing a sleeveless top with a very good bra under it.

Hence the leering.