My feed

to access all these features


To think that none of my colleagues ever want to sit near me?

62 replies

ChillingAndImpressing · 23/06/2015 18:40

I have worked in my current job for just under a year now. There have been a few things that have made me feel a bit excluded by colleagues, such as not being invited on nights out, but I have always put this down to me being new in the role and them all having known each other longer.

Our office has a hotdesking system. There are 4 separate offices with several desks in each and it is a case of getting to work, finding a desk wherever you can and sitting there.

I have noticed that quite often if I sit near most colleagues, they will be all nice to me but after a while will find an excuse to move elsewhere in the offices. I will then later see them perched on the end of another colleagues desk or sitting somewhere where there is no desk!

Today for example I grabbed a desk in an office where one woman, I'll call her Jane, was already sitting. We said hello to each other and she was fine with me. I sat down and started working and after a while she said "I need to go and sit with Tom as I have to go through some work with him, sorry to leave you alone in this office". I said fine, no problems at all. Only to see later that she wasn't sitting with Tom (not his real name, obviousy), but had gone into another office that was crowded full and was sharing a desk with someone else (their roles are totally different so they would not have needed to work together). It can't have been that she wanted to be in a crowded office rather than a quiet one as she was perfectly happy in the empty one before I got there!

I am baffled about this, and also quite upset about it. All of the female colleagues are like this with me, and some, but not all of, the male colleagues.

I do not know what I have done wrong; I absolutely do not smell or have bad breath. I'm not super loud or painfully quiet, just a normal sort of personality. My boss has said I'm good at my job and he's happy with how I do things.

AIBU to be upset about it?

OP posts:
SpiceAddict · 23/06/2015 20:36

Do you do the same role as them? Maybe you are being paid more and they are resentful. Or someone from the team applied for the job and didn't get it.

Perhaps you have done something wrong without knowing - not buying milk, offering to make tea/coffee, bringing in cakes on your birthday....

You could try bringing in sweets or something, that would work in my place Grin

CainInThePunting · 23/06/2015 20:40

You have to either pull up the next person who does this as it's pretty gutless and unkind of them or make a complaint to your manager.

No one should be made to feel like you are in an adult, professional workplace so it has to stop.

Some adults need reminding that they have left the playground.

I'm sorry for you OP, it must be a very unpleasant place to work.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 23/06/2015 20:44

I think you are just unlucky enough to work with a nasty cliquey bunch and there is clearly some herd mentality

Maybe they used to bitch about you for some spurious reason and now feel embarrassed to be normal ?

From what your boss said it's them not you

Consider moving on - and stop making an effort - fucking arseholes they are ! Don't let them affect your esteem - and sorry to hear this - life is too short op for this shit Flowers

CaspoFungin · 23/06/2015 20:46

It sounds like they want to sit and chat rather than do any work. Maybe they don't find you easy to chat to or you don't chat as much as the others? Some people are lazy at work about being friendly to new people when they already have their 'click' (how does one spell click??!!)

gutzgutz · 23/06/2015 20:48


Fromparistoberlin73 · 23/06/2015 20:52

I bloody hate when people let their personal friendships overtake work and prfessionalism

It's so annoying ! You are there to work not have friendships

It's very fucktardy behaviour as essentially means people ever towards their friends rather than making sensible business decisions

threenotfour · 23/06/2015 20:53

I'm guessing that you don't smoke or you would have mentioned it but I have a colleague who's breath smells of poo when she comes back after a cigarette. I think it might actually be a spray or something that she uses to cover up a cigarette smell. It is quite horrid. But will obviously pass after a while but it's unpleasant for about 30 mins or so post-break.

CakeLady1 · 24/06/2015 15:39

threenotfour - my old boss used to have cigarillos and coffee - that was a terrible combination to endure!
OP - for your line manager to dent anything is happening, rather than taking you seriously is pretty shit management. It's tough that sometimes places of work are just like that for no reason, but you shouldn't have to endure it.
As another poster has said, are there any "traditions" you've missed participating in? Bringing in cakes on your birthday, being expected to contribute a extortionate set amount to birthday/leaving/new baby present even if you never met them (oops, previous experience there! Yes, seriously!). Or perhaps even turned down any invites to socialising so they think you're not wanting to be part of the team (I don't believe getting pissed and showing your knickers in front of your boss contributes to team effectiveness, but some do including the boss who was showing her knickers too )
In short YANBU

CakeLady1 · 24/06/2015 15:40

Dent?! = deny

ConceptionZilla · 24/06/2015 15:48

I get excluded from stuff at work as my colleagues wanted an internal candidate for my job when I got it, I was external. Not my fault but their loyalty is to her, not me.

chaiselounger · 24/06/2015 15:56

I think you can only go back to your Manager or look for another job. I see no other way round this.

Nettletheelf · 24/06/2015 15:58

I doubt that it's your personal habits or hygiene. I'm with the other posters who suggest that your colleagues are cliquey and resistant to newcomers.

I once left a job because of this. I joined and found that my colleagues were pretty unfriendly. For example, when I joined in with banter in the open plan office with peop,e sitting next to me, or opposite, they'd pause and look at me in surprise.

I found out why. It was the type of business where people joined and stayed forever, and it was quite a fuddy duddy culture. Turns out that they all thought that the only promotion should have been "from within" and they "didn't like outsiders". I was an outsider who had had the temerity to be appointed to a senior role. Shame on me!

I lasted 18 months. I'm with the posters who suggest that you have nothing to lose by asking one of the more approachable people what the problem is. That's how I (eventually) discovered the reason for my ex-colleagues' behaviour.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.