these friendship threads - Wendy, Helen, School gate bitches...

[TealFanClub]

Am I missing something?

There's a Wendy in my life at the moment.
It's a horrible situation.
I just know the others won't believe me
They think she's lovely.

I wish I was one of those lucky people who could swan up, wearing whatever I like, acting however I like and every little action of mine would be interpreted as saintly because I possess a magical 'penis'. That means that just the act of holding a child's hand and behaving normally would convey an aura of love and kindness to all.

No misandry in there, MrsP.... really?

I don't get the friendship threads either. I've never "fell out" with someone in my entire life and just don't really get all the drama.
I suppose it's because I like to always think the best of people, am quite laid back, don't get offended easily and hate drama.
Sometimes people say stupid things, sometimes their mind is on something else when they walk past and "blank" you, sometimes people do something thoughtless but very very few people are actually just horrible.
It seems from what I've read on mumsnet that the 12yr olds always falling out that I could never be arsed with continue to be like that into adulthood. If someone is always having issues with friends then they are probably the problem.

I think these women are the same ones from childhood who captained the school netball team, flirted with the married PE teacher, won Miss Schoolname (thank god thats not done these days) etc etc. Werent worth worrying about then, def not worth it now.

I'm still not sure what the OPs point is?

Just because some posters dont recognise this as a circumstance that has occurred in their own lives, does that make the feelings of others null and void?

It happens. This is often a safe space to discuss it.

Bump some people are more sensitive than others.

Some people are just assholes, maybe you havne't met any, in which case yay!

I rarely click on the school gate mums threads. I hate all the Wendy crap as well. I would lose the will to live if I clicked on the Helen thread.

I had a lot of years at the school gate and just spoke to whoever was around.

I don't get these threads either, I understand the posters do really feel upset but not sure it's all that common. I read the threads and think "oh god have I got all this to come!" Then ask my friends with school age children and they say it's not like that, the mums are normal, some smile some don't, just pick child up and go. Some people know each other so they chat, but lots of them are on their own waiting for their child.
But I do believe some women do act shitty, but surely they'll be shitty wherever they are. If going in a playground makes them regress to the schoolgirl they were then they aren't worth bothering with. Ignore ignore! Just smile and chat and be breezy, and don't put too much expectation into it.
I think the ones who get upset are (in general) SAHMs who maybe feel a bit lonely and were counting on making friends there but who are the less confident type.. so want people to approach them and take them into the fold. But other mums will be wrapped up in their chats, watching for their kids so won't even notice you standing there.. Make the first move and get chatting with someone else on their own. Then you will look like a clique too

That is all just theory of course, I don't have a clue

though I agree thinking the best of people and remembering that 95% of the time, it's not about YOU (general you) is a good attitude to have.

"THE school gates ones always makes me wonder, are they just women talking to their friends? Surely you cant be mates with everyone?"

Possibly some of them are just women talking to their friends, and no you can't be mates with everyone.

But you can be pleasant or polite. If you catch someone's eye you don't have to blank them, you could smile, or nod, or say hello. Especially as you're standing next to them day after day. It doesn't take any effort to give someone a quick nod before you look back to your friends.

If you don't, well fair enough, but there is a difference between vaguely blanking someone because you're chatting to your friends and didn't really notice them and deliberately doing so in a way that excludes them from a whole group just because you've decided you don't like the look of them or something.

Missed the last bit of my post.

So I think that's what people on the threads are trying to work out. Is it intentional, or are they reading too much into nothing.

Sometimes it helps to sound things out, which is what at least half of MN is about.

my observation is that women from some cultures are socialized to be more passive aggressive than open about how they feel, hence all the time spent on interpreting what these women really mean.

I certainly don't think it's all true but obviously there are unpleasant people out there and sometimes you encounter them. I've very rarely lost friends and have a large diverse social circle, but I fell out with a friendship group last year and was really by their behaviour as it wasn't something I had ever encountered before. Like Bump, I normally think the best of everyone, cut lots of slack, let things go - so in this case, I let far too much go on before I finally realised. Have moved on now and am much happier again. I kept thinking 'oh no, it must be me' until I realised I haven't had problems before (or since) and was not the first to be ditched by this group.

Just because you've not come across it doesn't mean it doesn't happen - I've not encountered lots of things but still believe they exist.

I do think if it's happening to you a lot you maybe need to think about why though.

It's never occurred to me to worry about whom I was talking to at the school gate.
I'm just not invested in it. At all.

If an acquaintance stood and chatted to someone else I would just think that they knew that person better or had something specific to talk about.

I've never really understood the school gate drama

I do work ft though

I remember the original Wendy thread and there was nothing to do with Judy Blume. The OP just said, "I was friends with this woman, lets call her Wendy" as a way of not going down the route of Friend A and Friend B.

Lots of other posters said "I had a Wendy once" and the nickname stuck. Nowt to do with Judy Blume I promise.

Every so often there are threads on mumsnet by people who state they have no friends and have never had any close friends. They are usually worried.

There is a huge overlap between people who post in those threads (both as OP and comforter) and people who post in Wendy threads. There is just a set of women on MN who think the worst of other people and refuse to believe they themselves are the problem.

They have typically been "wendied" multiple times and believe passionately that everyone is out to get them. It's not misogyny, it's paranoia.

I read a thread today about workplace where the OP felt colleagues were avoiding sitting by her. Odd dynamics do occur in all sorts of human social groups, add children and it can get emotional as a pp said.

I think the best way with school gates is to not treat it like a social group you are invested in. I get more hellos and smiles from the dog walkers round here than from the school parents. I do start off friendly but give up on the perennially morose.

GERTI
They would become friends with each other and then try and push each other out!

I have just ordered Blubber off Amazon for my kindle. Haven't read it since I was 11.

Hope it's still brilliant.

Goodnight