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To think AIBU is just a "give me a kicking please"

25 replies

CruCru · 23/06/2015 16:44

Sometimes something happens that I think would make an interesting thread but don't put it up because, no matter what it is, someone will say "YABU, you are clearly a selfish idiot who doesn't care about anyone else etc".

It's a pity because I would often quite like others' opinions (if kindly put, they don't have to agree with me) but all the aggression puts me off.

OP posts:

CruCru · 23/06/2015 16:45

I do spend time in gardening / exercise and have found quite a lot of kindness there.

OP posts:

GirlInterupted · 23/06/2015 16:46

Yep, pretty much


Gruntfuttock · 23/06/2015 16:46

YABU, you are clearly a selfish idiot who doesn't care about anyone else.


glenthebattleostrich · 23/06/2015 16:47

I agree. No matter what the subject matter there is always at least one person who has to be rude and obnoxious. They usually take great offence when their twatty behaviour is pointed out and attack the OP more. It's quite depressing and seems to be invading the rest of the site


Lottapianos · 23/06/2015 16:51

I agree OP. Quite a few people on there seem to get a huge kick out of being as blunt and rude as possibly, all while crucifying anyone who has an opinion as that makes you 'judgy' apparently.
Style and Beauty, Exercise and Feminism are generally much more pleasant


namechangeagaimm · 23/06/2015 16:52



hackmum · 23/06/2015 16:54

AIBU is hilarious (when it's not horrible) just because of the transparent attempts of so many people to gain a kind of moral high ground by telling the OP to look on the bright side.

e.g. "My husband has run off with the 19-year old Swedish au pair and left me alone with no money looking after three kids under five. AIBU to want to kill him?"

Answer: "YABU. If you really loved your husband you would feel pleased that he had found happiness with another woman. Stop moaning and be grateful for your children."


lilacblossomtime · 23/06/2015 16:55

Yes AIBU is a bit very aggressively opinionated, but that is half the fun and it doesn't mean the advice is not good. I have seen lots of threads where people got treated very kindly and helped out, sometimes by a poster actually doing something practical such as sending an item they needed.


Floundering · 23/06/2015 16:58

YANBU & yes it is invading the rest of the site.

"Not in the spirit of Mumsnet" is a phrase MNHQ trot out quite regularly & I think some people (choose to ?) forget.

I do think these armchair warriors also forget there are real people on these threads and sometimes a little re phrasing of strong views would be more tactful but then again some debates can be heated without pulling punches.

Certainly learnt a lot from AIBU over the years but rarely put my head over the battlements, as I just get shouted down for wanting to be too touchy-feely (and I'm SO not!!) when I just want civilised debate.


Goshthatsspicy · 23/06/2015 16:58

I think it'd be easier if everyone just concentrated on the highlighted posts by op
Too often some mouthy show off decides to rewrite what happened.
Posters take that as gospel. Even quoting as if it was part of the original post.
It disappoints me actually. It is as if nothing really gets resolved. Or worse, the poster needing help, leaves without it.


quietbatperson · 23/06/2015 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurGlass · 23/06/2015 17:02

Yep. To be honest in 10 years I've only ever posted a handful of threads. I stick to replying.


haveabreakhaveakitkat · 23/06/2015 17:14

I've posted a few threads. I just smile and skim past the nasty replies so it's a waste of their time replying really. I've had some fabulous advice and opinions from lovely mumsnetters Smile


meyesmyeyes · 23/06/2015 17:22


I've braved it a few times, but usually end up bowing out of the discussions about half way through, because you can guarantee that no matter how smoothly the thread is going, (people agreeing and disagreeing in an adult manner) - someone will eventually come along (and sadly it nearly always seems to be the same 'names') and try their best to derail the thread by calling you all the names under the sun and coming out with all sorts of accusations.

I think I disappoint them because I refuse to play their silly games anymore and won't take their bait.

OP, it's better to post in Chat. That's what I'll be doing from now on.


pointythings · 23/06/2015 17:22

I've posted a few threads on AIBU, mainly to vent about being miserable because of my Dad's suffering with Parkinsons and dementia. No-one has been anything other than lovely, to be honest. Yes, there are some twatty people responding around, but equally there are some goady fuckers posting who really do deserve flaming.


ghostyslovesheep · 23/06/2015 17:25

I'm not sure you are 100% reasonable - it works both ways

many people post for drama or for a ruck - it's not always 'sweet kind OP gets attacked by vipers'

also for every twat there are a fair few interesting opinionated people who actually want to debate rather than fight

then you have the OP's who can't stand people disagreeing and get arsey

I have seen many kind and supportive posters here

and then there are the idiots who only pop up on threads to say 'get this moved OP AIBU is a horrid place' Hmm they are really annoying

there are twats here - but there are also decent people


ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 17:29

Beat me to it ghosty


cleanmyhouse · 23/06/2015 17:31

Relationships can get particularly nasty, judgemental and amatuer psychologist too. People seem to forget they're talking to real people with difficulties and just let rip.

Chats quite friendly, mostly.


NRomanoff · 23/06/2015 18:05

Yanbu to a point. I have started threads here and never been ripped apart. Also sometimes the OP can be the one being very aggressive of someone doesn't agree with them, even when it's put kindly.

Sometimes you get posters just making up an entire situation, from what the OP hasn't said, which I find really weird.


Sparklingbrook · 23/06/2015 18:22

Some people never post anywhere but AIBU. It's their favourite topic. I am not really sure what AIBU is for anymore.
Someone suggested it should be renamed Petty Gripes. Grin

I tend to think there's always a better topic to post in than AIBU. But people like it for 'traffic'.


Floundering · 23/06/2015 18:27

I love the ones that start AIBU ?

MN: yes!

Poster;..... but but but no I'm not REALLy I'm not, because XYZ

MN; Oh ok then fuck off if you don't want another POV!!!


Sparklingbrook · 23/06/2015 18:29

I like the ones where you have to ask what the AIBU is. Grin


ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 18:33

Personally I'd find it easier to post here than in Relationships which I find tends to peppered with "So what are you going to do about it?" and if people aren't ready to LTB other posters can be very critical and put them under pressure.

If I had a problem I'd feel far too inhibited to post it there.


Sparklingbrook · 23/06/2015 18:36

I have Relationships hidden-it's really scary. Same as FWR. I have more topics hidden than not. I actually have AIBU hidden but I pick up ones form Most Active-they need to fix that. Grin


ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 18:38

Sparkling Grin

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