AIBU To want to be able to go on holiday just once

[Discotastic]

I am aware holidays are a luxury and not everyone can afford them, however we are in a position where it is possible if we save and spread out the cost over the year that we can do this.

My DH and I have been together for five years, we have a DS 2, DSS10 DSSD 7. His parents moved to Spain four years ago and don't like coming back to the UK apart from special occasions.

We have taken all the kids out to see them in the summer holidays every year they have been there as this is now their only real opportunity to see Granny & Grandad and likewise for my DH to see his parents once a year apart from Skype. In most years it uses up most of our annual leave and any disposable income. It is a difficult situation as I know my DH misses his parents and DSS & DSD also miss their grandparents and my DS doesn't really know them apart from Skype. I have no issue with DH going out to see them when he likes or taking the kids, but his EX isn't keen apart from a couple of weeks in the summer.

I'd love to be able to book a summer holiday for us all to get away, but then its not possible for the kids to go and see their grandparents; that feels awful....but AIBU that after five years I would like to go on our first holiday together just once at least? I don't want to come between my DH seeing his parents or the kids and their grandparents, but I would just like a break that doesn't involve my in laws- AIBU?

Well, what about if yourself, DH and DS stayed elsewhere for just one night, leaving DSC with GPs? and if that goes well, try longer break next year. Your DSS and DSD might be delighted to have GPs to themselves and the GP would probably be delighted to be in charge. 7 and 10 are an easy age to mind.

Also, have you considered your DH just taking the DSC, and yourself and DS staying at home? And using the money saved to fund a week somewhere for just the 3 of you, during school term?

And ask your DH to contribute to solutions. He might surprise you.

Or as Dinosaur says, stay elsewhere and ask PIL to join you (in their own accommodation).

I agree with pp's saying stay elsewhere (a different country on the way to Spain-France perhaps?)& you meet them there, sort of half way both geographically & figuratively.
Then it would feel more like a proper holiday & might not cost as much as just the flights to Spain.

Difficult isnt it. The GPs moved away knowing that they would only be able to see GC, or any family sporadically and at great cost and inconvenience. Really I think they need to do more.

And if DH only sees his children for one 2 week stretch in the summer, then it seems strange that every time he would take them to spain to see GPs. Unless he thinks everyone enjoys it and its cheap, and he lacks imagination

Cant he see them for one week at easter aswell - GPS over, you and him split the week on AL. This would mean perhaps you had 10 days leave left each and hadnt spent your holiday money.

Just seems youve got in a rut thats easy and works OK, for everyone except you! Perhaps this is what happens when you take on a man with children - but not ALL the time.

I completely get where you're coming from, but if you're suggesting going away in term time and then not taking your step children, then I can well see why your husband won't go for it and gets angry with you for suggesting it.

You can't expect your husband to be willing to take one of his children abroad and exclude the other two, especially as that's the main bit of quality time they get with him.

If you can find a compromise like the ones suggested about staying elsewhere on the way or something then go for it, but remember your step kids will be grown soon enough and you will have plenty of years left to go on holiday just the three of you.

Send the older ones over to spain for a fortnight in the summer hols and book a family hol at easter? Invite the GPs over for Christmas? Sounds as though they need to make a bit more of an effort, no YANBU.

Could you ask for the May bank hol half term week to take dc to Spain for a week then have a 2 week's all inclusive hol in summer - may half term might be a little cheaper than summer and help afford the main hol.

Also would their mum let them use their summer hol stuff if your hol was after hers to avoid having to purchase extra?

Sunnyshores DH does lack imagination!! We do have the DC'S every weekend, a week or so over Xmas and another week at Easter, plus random bank hols. So we use annual leave then to accommodate this. I think he feels when we have them for a fortnight in Spain that they are actually his and not just borrowed like when he has to take them back to their mother's house every weekend.

I think the issue is more about the contact with his parents, and for the kids with their GP 's, I would like my DS to have a meaningful relationship with them too as he doesn't really know or get who they are, and that the only way any of this can ever take place is in the guise of our annual holiday!

In theory DH doesn't mind going away without his other two DC as they go away with their mum, step dad, step brothers and sisters and half brother at least once a year, not that he wants to exclude them but also doesn't want to penalise our DS from having a similar experience.

missmayhemsmum DSC won't let us send the big ones in summer without their Dad being there and the GPS hate the UK in winter especially, so they will never come willingly. Unluckily for them me and DH got married in January much to their dismay a year later my DS was due in the Jan so they booked flights for the Feb!! They have said arranging my sterilisation will be preferable then ever coming back to the UK in winter!!!

Maddening generally DC'S use the clothes and shoes we buy for hols for their holiday with mum anyway!

Of course they use the same clothes for other holidays with their mum! It's a bit petty to expect them not to. With my Ss clothes get bought at both households for different things and are used as and when Ss wants them.

Re your other points, I can see how difficult/frustrating it must be. But if husband, his parents, and sc all look forward to it it's difficult to stop. It's not always simple when there is a fragmented family trying to please everyone. Is there anyway you could afford a half term holiday, say to Eurodisney, for just you, Husband and child?

There are five of us and we're doing our usual Sun holiday in a caravan - £150 for 4 nights, all utilities, entertainment passes etc paid. Haven't been abroad in years and I don't know how anyone affords them. We can't even afford to buy us all new passports.

Go somewhere different yourself, and allow husband and kids to go to Spain.
Just think, Maldives, Goa, Anglesey - you pick where you fancy.

grumpybear68 I have suggested this before but husband says that it wouldn't be fair and why should he be left with three kids to deal with.....

YANBU. I would compromise by going out every other year and PIL can come on the alternative, apart from the fact it wastes your money and annual leave, going to Spain every year must get boring and tedious, when there are so many other places you can go.

My mum lives in NZ (as do the rest of my family and fiends) but I am the one who makes the effort to visit and for DS to get to know his grandma as I was the one who moved. I go every 18 months or when I need to fly over for a wedding etc.

I don't get why the GPs can't come to you in the summer? Or a new destination that is reasonably convenient for all of you (elsewhere in Spain, France)?

If you feel obliged to go and stay with them for the whole trip because they are paying for the flights, why can't you go at a slightly cheaper time (we're probably talking Easter) and pay for the flights with a week with them plus a week in a cabin type place (there are Eurocamp equivalents in Spain)?