Visiting family

[CloserThanYesterday]

DH's parents live 200+ miles from us. We visit them twice a year for a few days, and in the summer they come down and stay fairly near us for a month in their caravan.
Normally when they come for their long visit, we have them over for dinner a few times, go on a few days out, and spend a few days down at their caravan site with them. We both work full time so take a few days off and fit in what we can. This works fine.
But ... this year we have our little girl, who we adopted earlier in the year and they're dying to see more of. I'm also in my last few weeks of leave from work so am at home.
I get on ok with them but do find it hard work without DH there.
He has taken one weekday off each week they are here, and we will see them every weekend, either sat or sun, so they'll see us, and LO twice a week for the month they're here.

I suspect that I'm going to come under subtle pressure to see more of them than this because I'm off work, but it's my last few weeks of leave and I really want to enjoy it with LO, do plenty of things just us, as I'll never have this time again. I've also got other friends and family who like to see LO regularly to fit in and I could easily end up pleasing everyone but myself here.
Would I be a terribly unreasonable dil to say that I don't want to see them anymore often than the planned twice a week while they're here, to allow myself time to do all the other things I'd like to with LO before I go back to work?
Feel free to be honest, I've posted here knowing the reputation for taking no prisoners!

I think it would be nice for you and your dd to spend as much time as possiable with your ils while they are here. But can understand how and why it is such a daunting idea in your last little bit of leave when you find them hardwork. Some of my extended family is hardwork and my several of my local ils are hardwork.

Have you spent any time alone with them since dd came to you? I've found with my auntie and my nan it's much more plesent to spend time with them now dd is in the picture. Dd gives us all something to focus on and we are doing something other than sitting drinking tea and talking about missfortune. My auntie will take her off to play and my nan will reminis about her childhood and having children, she taught dd loads of nursery rhymes. This is also true of some of my ils, fil, one of my bils, and husband's uncle and cousins and the nan he doesn't get on with. It's easy to spend a morning, afternoon or most of the day visiting them now.

On the other hand mil and her mother gmil are even harder work than before. They are very controling and like to undermine me and dh every chance they get. Take everything very personally; taking dd to the toilet if they were trying to engage with her when she asks to go is seen as an insult. Want to have very long visits three or four times a week, as I stay at home with dd, where they'd arrive at 7 am and can't be evicted until after 10pm. Gmil isn't paticually welcome in our house due to outragious behaviour, we need to be able to get up and leave when she gets out of hand. Also when she was welcome really struggled with getting in and around due to the layout, steps and uneven floors. She refuses to have dd in her flat and won't meet up anywhere because she wants to be invited to us. She sees very little of dd because of this and really doesn't enjoy seeing her. Both mil and gmil are frankly awful with children, they don't know what to do with them once they are intrested in something other than being held and don't understand a 2 1/2 year old's play can't be micro managed. Dd is usually very well behaved just the odd toddler melt down, but is viewed as being really naughty because she doesn't want to play exactally the way they want to, ie sell her comfort object or brand new toy for them to 'take to bed' or 'keep in my bag'.

Please don't let disstance worry you. My grandma lived 400 miles away for most of my childhood and I adoored her because of all the phone calls and letters she write. For most of my teen years she wasn't well enough to travel but I loved going on the train to stay with her. My nan and grandad lived in france, we'd visit once a year and they'd do the same. It always just felt like picking up where we left off when I saw them. Dd has a very good friend of mine who she's yet to meet, she's traveling, but is really excited about her coming to visit next year. They've built a relationship through skype, letters and the collection of little teddies and postcard's dd has from my friends travels. My nan is 500 miles away, and has seen dd a handful of times but has an effortless bond when she sees her and is now really enjoying short weekly phone calls.

Only you know what will work for your family. You can try a few diffrent things to find what is best for all of you.

Why not invite them to participate in some of the fun things you plan to do locally with DD. Perhaps add on a coffee or lunch out, and then they can head back to caravan...

Could you include them when meeting others? e.g. With you mom, good friends, etc. Then you get some help with entertaining them.

Of course, still meet them with DH as planned.

This is a really exciting time for you. And of course you want to make the best out of those lasts weeks. It is easier for them to come to you, and by participating in an activity out of the home, you don't need to entertain them at home. And they get to see their DGD having fun.

But isn't is great that they are so interested in getting to know her. I'm sure you would be disappointed if they weren't excited about getting to know her.

Congratulations to you all!

I think you should see them a little more often than twice a week but, as others have said, take that time from time you'd spend with local family and friends so you still have time just the two of you.

If they do say anything, I think I'd say something along the lines of what you said in an earlier post here - "I waited so long to be a mum, I really want to spend a few days here just me and DD, but we also love having you here and do want you and DD to have a special bond."