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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be disappointed in my old friend?

13 replies

pandarific · 21/06/2015 23:51

She cancelled on another old friend's hen do because, basically, she had decided she doesn't like the bride-to-be any more and didn't want to go. Bride lives outside of the country now so this was her thing to have all old friends celebrate with her if they couldn't make it to the wedding.

Friend faked sick and had another friend call the bride-to-be to say she was sick - one day before the hen!

Friend has form for being flaky, and was moaning over Facebook chat about going, so I suspected, but have had it confirmed by a third party. I'm disappointed in her and kind of put off tbh - am I taking this too seriously?

And now I'm paranoid as friend has previously said to me something to the effect of 'wow, we only see each other once or twice a year now' (true, we live in different countries). Hmmm.

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 21/06/2015 23:56

So what she should have gone even though she no longer likes bride-to-be?
Told her the truth and upset her more in the run up to wedding?
Should 3rd parties stop bloody gossiping?

Who are you disappointed in?

Original poster

pandarific · 22/06/2015 00:06

I'm disappointed in my old friend - if you're going to flake on it fine, but one day before the hen when everything was booked? That's bad IMO.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 22/06/2015 00:14

Did it ruin it for the bride?

Was anyone left out of pocket?

Original poster

pandarific · 22/06/2015 00:24

Nah, bride appeared to believe the excuse. I think she had to pay extra for an activity but not too sure.

OP posts:

NRomanoff · 22/06/2015 07:41

So your friend, who know is flaky, has been (in your opinion) flaky again. You had this confirmed by a 3rd party while gossiping about it?

Why would you thing less of her. She has acted as she has always done.

RiderOfDragons · 22/06/2015 09:26

I would think less of someone for bitching behind a friend back. She was a coward, she should have say no to the invite right off.

Yanbu to wonder if she will do to you if shes already laying the same groundwork. I would not go out of my way to communicate and if distance is what she wants she will be relieved, not call you and you will know.

I hope she's declined the wedding though if she now dislikes the bride. We heard someone royally slagging a bride, unfairly too since this person was an unpleasant one, she only went to the local wedding for the free booze and food and to see other people. Never thought anyone would be so rude but its only surprising to her that now she has no friends, many were disgusted by her bitching and unpleasantness.

Be glad she cancelled. She is relieved to no longer pretend and you didnt have to put up with whinging all weekend.

RiderOfDragons · 22/06/2015 09:30

And better to fake being sick the day before then come or be honest then. Either honesty straight off or faking later. Dont be disappointed, her choice not to want to come and better for you not to have someone not wanting to be there.

Though she needs to pay the bride back if she owed money.

pictish · 22/06/2015 09:35

Yanbu to feel disappointed in her because flakes are annoying, unreliable, selfish and often dishonest. Not great qualities to possess.

Ywbu to be upset about her not liking your mutual friend any more. That's between them.

Original poster

pandarific · 22/06/2015 13:17

I think I'm just a bit disillusioned. She's a really old friend of mine, I kind of thought we'd be good friends for life - it doesn't really bother me if we don't see an old friend often, when I do see them I'm still interested in their lives and want to catch up and have a natter. Maybe she thinks I'm pursuing closeness when there isn't any. I'm a bit embarrassed tbh, as I'd just invited her to a birthday thing which I suspect she might think is twatty (bell tent camping).

On reflection, the dislike for my other friend hasn't happened as suddenly as I thought. I think flaky friend has become a bit dogmatic about certain things, and a bit disapproving.

OP posts:

coffeetasteslikeshit · 22/06/2015 13:54

In my opinion it would have been better to cancel earlier, but it could be that she didn't want to go right from the start, couldn't say no, then moaned about it to her friends, and her friends told her not to go if she didn't want to. She then spent weeks/days/hours wrestling with her conscience over what was worse; letting down someone she doesn't really like or doing something she doesn't want to do simply because she finds saying no difficult.

Denimwithdenim00 · 22/06/2015 13:57

Depends!at my age now I never go anywhere socially I really don't want to.

It's extremely liberating to be fair.

RiderOfDragons · 22/06/2015 20:11

Well you've extended an invite OP, so just tell her when and where and if she turns up-great, if she flakes last minute then you know.

Yika · 22/06/2015 20:15

I can't stand flaky people and thus I think YANBU. I would also think less of her. In these circumstances, if it's one day before and she hadn't cancelled, I personally think she should turn up, be gracious and kind and reflect all the old feelings she had for the friendship until she had an opportunity to slowly distance herself from the friend she now doesn't like.

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