To ask how depression affected you?

[Chuckitinthefuckitbucket]

I'm irrational. I'm very good at being "happy" around others but usually when the day ends and I'm alone I tend to get all teary, snappy, and generally irritable again.
Some days I just don't want to go out but I try most days for dd.
I know it's a personal thing to ask but im trying to work out if I'm just tired/stressed and need a bit of my own life back or whether I'm depressed.
I'd say I'm generally more angry followed by very teary than generally feeling depressed but I know depression presents differently for different people.
My mother had depression after having me and it's left me wondering if maybe I'm being affected, I'm pretty sure I should enjoy things more than I do, I love my family but I don't really feel overwhelming joy over much and I can't really remember getting excited about something properly... I think after writing this post I may have my answer, but opinions/advice would be much appreciated here.

Rask - there can be a distinction between being depressed and having clinical depression.
In both cases I really would recommend going to a GP.
I "coped" for too long, so that when I did crash and burn it was disastrous. I pretty much had a complete breakdown and went from working FT to being unable to get dressed or do anything at all. Maybe if I'd admitted my problems and sought help before I got to that stage it might not have been so bad? As it was I walked out of work, went to the docs and said "I can't do this anymore" and just sobbed for days.
Six years on, I know the danger signs and have coping strategies.

Thanks Soldier that's helpful. And I'm glad things are better now.

Felt like I was a failure as a human being.

Still do, really!

Thank you, Rask.
Depression altered my whole life, my marriage ended because of it.
BUT, in a strange way it was actually quite positive! Made me realise DH was a controlling arse for starters and that I was able to live without him. That gave me the confidence to make changes in my career and be more assertive, which probably sounds strange. It was like being free at last as I only had to be responsible to myself.
The biggest change was getting the dog I'd always longed for. He is the shining star in my life.
I still have a tendency to put my head in the sand, but that's how I cope and at least I'm aware of it.
Guess I'm still a work in progress.
The best thing is to just be doing something totally ordinary and realise "I'm happy". There was a long time when I wasn't capable of that.

So much if this resonates with me. I feel like I'm living a half life - so tired, constantly, even when I have a good sleep, during the week I rarely get dressed or leave the house with dd2. I really struggle to do anything without dh or dsis or dm helping/accompanying me, and things like driving that I used to do daily with work cause me massive anxiety. I feel like a weight presses on me, and while I keep planning to do certain things when it comes to it I procrastinate or can't find the energy to do so. But yet I manage to put a brave face on occasionally and go out and see people so I don't know if the rest of it is just laziness!

Raskol - I think a lot of people put a huge front on & carry on despite huge depressio is a) because there is still shame around mental health issues and b) financially if they gave up who would pick up the slack as sick pay goes down by half after a certain amount of time. I cant afford to give in to it basically so unless i am on anti d's I cant keep things afloat £ wise. Its not a long term solution and i do have times off the tablets - but knowing how quickly i can spiral down i get a new batch if i get the warning signs (snappy, tearful, appetite gone). Therapy is down to monthly now as i know my issues and buttons and am learning strategies that do help.

Its hard to know if you are, as there isnt a lot of context as to what you are worrying/dreading/stressing about. Mine is about feeling unloveable, inferior, being too hard on myself, expecting perfection of myself and isolating myself for fear of rejection.

Hi Pillow. You don't have to keep on struggling. Please think about going to your GP. There are lots of things that can help.
Best wishes to everyone that is living with depression.