Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you will be happy in the future to be referred to as an old dear or an old bag?

78 replies

GeorgianaDevonshire · 19/06/2015 13:12

Or an old trout, a woman of a certain age, an old hag?

If you won't be happy with such a description then don't use it now and don't tolerate other people saying it either.

It occurs a lot on Mumsnet, it's nasty and we should report it and MNHQ delete.

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 19/06/2015 13:53

Yes there are so many gendered insults as well - almost using someone's gender as an insult. But at least it gives you an insight into people's character. I judge people who use witch and bitch hard too.

Gilrack · 19/06/2015 13:59

It stops being funny when it starts to be used to dismiss everything you say-as most of you will discover eventually.

Yup.

My friends and I used to call each other old bags and suchlike in jest, during our 30s and 40s.

We wouldn't do it now, in our 60s, because it wouldn't be such a joke. And it certainly isn't funny when people you don't even know write you off on the basis of your visible age. I mean 'write you off' - you say something and they go 'mmm' while already walking away. And turn their backs to you while you make the 'joining in' signals that worked just fine 20 years ago.

People used to do this to women and black people in the 50s.

Gilrack · 19/06/2015 13:59

Like this!

Trooperslane · 19/06/2015 14:01

My lovely MIL calls herself 'the old bag' and that's how she's known in my lovely circle of friends.

ElkTheory · 19/06/2015 14:02

There is a lot of casual ageism on MN. I don't think these comments should be deleted (but I'm generally opposed to most deletions, as I think on a public forum things can usually be handled on the thread itself). However, I have been quite pleased to see some of the more egregious statements challenged, and I think that should happen more often. Of course, that will inevitably result in defensive reactions and grumbles about how we can't say anything any more, etc. But challenging ageism might cause some people to question these attitudes.

Original poster
GeorgianaDevonshire · 19/06/2015 14:04

Saucy - why don't you insult people in supermarkets now, if that's what floats your boat? Or is it only old bags and old gits who are rude to random strangers?

OP posts:
scottishmerlottish · 19/06/2015 14:06

Old is fine - I am (or I feel it!) - just a factual statement.

'Dear' can be a bit Hmm but is patronising at worst.

Bat/Bag/Trout/Hag/Witch - not okay in my book.

Gilrack · 19/06/2015 14:06

Georgiana - See my video clip for explanation Grin

RainbowFlutterby · 19/06/2015 14:06

Well no - not really. If I earned the insult I don't really have the right to get upset about it do I?

Do you use the word "bastard" as an insult? My father was born out of wedlock (ie a bastard) and is the loveliest person on the planet.

Do you ever "have a fit" or refer to someone as "having a fit" when they are angry/upset/hysterical? I have epilepsy.

Original poster
GeorgianaDevonshire · 19/06/2015 14:07

Trooper- it's sad that your MIL refers to herself in such a self-deprecating way. And your friends are anything but lovely if they call her the old bag.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsEldest · 19/06/2015 14:08

I'll just be grateful to make it to old age. I don't care what people refer to me as really. Looking at the bigger picture and given the sorry state of the world it seems to me there are far greater issues to concern myself with than describing someone old as, well, old.

Gilrack · 19/06/2015 14:11

I'm terrified to open my mouth and refer to anybody as anything these days

Don't be daft :) Unless you automatically class everyone you meet according to some pejorative, it's really easy to avoid.

Depending on circumstances, you could call me:
The tall, older blonde woman
The woman in the wheelchair
The woman with the ginger cat
The white woman over there
The woman with all the shopping bags
The one laughing very loudly
... and so on.

Patilla · 19/06/2015 14:13

I had a minor crisis at being called 'duck' this week so I don't think in going to handle growing old particularly well.

Love51 · 19/06/2015 14:15

I dont use the phrase 'women of a certain age' but in my head its in a different category. I thought it meant menopausal hot flush age, and if you are working with 'women of a certain age' you may want to wear a cardi as they may want the air con on. The others are all dismissive and condescending, but that one seems to have a purpose to me. Admittedly you could just say 'wear a cardi, those colleagues have the air con on a lot'.

Dowser · 19/06/2015 14:16

Senior will do me.

How about OAP !

Chuckles!

Trooperslane · 19/06/2015 14:19

Georgiana - she started it.... She was chuffed that my friends and I wanted her to spend time with us on Mat leave.

I love her to bits. And self deprecation is a positive quality in my part of the world.

morage · 19/06/2015 14:23

I am old, it is fine to say I am. But there is a lot of casual ageism on this site. That isn't okay.

RainbowFlutterby · 19/06/2015 14:26

Gilrack - well yes, but I thought it was insults that was the problem and my brain is thinking "well if we were all just nice to each other all the time there would be no need for insults."

Or have I got the wrong end of the stick Blush

ilovesooty · 19/06/2015 14:26

If you challenge casual ageism on the site and ask if the poster in question also thinks casual sexism, casual racism, casual homophobic comments and casual disabilism are ok it tends not to go down well.
However I'm glad more people are seeing it and challenging it when it occurs.

TaurielTest · 19/06/2015 14:44

YANBU. There's a really nasty gendered dimension to it too - I can't think of nearly as many contemptuous, dismissive terms for older men. ("Old buffer"?)

I read something once about "crone" being reclaimed in the same way as queer or the n word. Not sure we're quite there yet...

AliceInSandwichLand · 19/06/2015 14:55

So agree. The point is that it is used on here as a shorthand to suggest that the older person's viewpoint is automatically going to be less valid because they are older. Of course my viewpoint is different in some ways now I am 50 from my viewpoint when I was 25 or that of someone who is 25 today. That doesn't make my opinion worth more or less than someone else's, just on account of my age. People can be silly or selfish or rude or nasty at any age, just like people of any race or gender can behave well or badly. Implying that some one is silly or rude or irrelevant because they are old is ageism, and there is a lot of it on here IMO.

ilovesooty · 19/06/2015 15:07

puddock derogatory terms for older women are more common but "old codger" and "old boy" have been seen.

Idontseeanydragons · 19/06/2015 15:17

As an agreed joke between people as mentioned up thread it's fine but no I wouldn't like it and do avoid using the terms.
Wouldn't mind Witch though GrinWink

BackforGood · 19/06/2015 15:43

This

I'll have no problem being called old. It's a statement of fact not a judgement

Hag and Trout are not nice. I can't get my kickers in a twist about Dear

Problem on MN, of course is there's a whole band of people that don't like you calling your pals/buddies/mates - or even the Team at work "girls", which personally, I'm quite happy with and is a phrase/term I use quite a bit for a collection of females that I know and am fond of.

LadyGlen · 19/06/2015 15:53

Looking at the bigger picture and given the sorry state of the world it seems to me there are far greater issues to concern myself with than describing someone old as, well, old

But the pejorative nature of the phrases used is, in miniature, part of the larger problem, don't you think? People are so quick to 'other' those who are not just like them. It can be by gender, race, religion or age, etc., etc.

If we treated everyone, whoever they are, with respect and equaity, then the world might not be in such a 'sorry state'.