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Original poster

to not want my teen daughter to use our car as a free taxi for all her friends

53 replies

blackfishofthefamily · 18/06/2015 08:50

My dd recently passed her driving test. We have put her on the insurance of my car to use evenings and weekends.

I assumed her social life would carry on as normal and she would use the car instead of us giving her lifts, making our lives easier and not costing us any more money.

She doesn't have a job and plans to go to uni next year, so we have done all this with no expectation of her paying for any of it. DH and I argued about it and I compromised on getting a car for her to putting her on my insurance.

She has taken to going out a lot more often and going much further afield. So for example, instead of getting a pizza with friends in town a mile away, she will do a 25 mile round trip to the next town. Or if she goes to the cinema, she will take 3 friends and drop them all home, so doing 30 miles instead of 2!

DH and I are arguing about this. I don't really want her taking a car load out every time she drives (she never drives it alone!) because of the safety issues, she's statistically much more likely to have an accident with other teens in the car but also the fuel and mileage and the fact that I am having to hoover it out more! I am paying for it all and am starting to resent it but DH says I'm being petty and I should be pleased she's getting out more.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 18/06/2015 11:20

"I should be pleased she's getting out more."

Was she the shy and retiring type before?

Fudgeface123 · 18/06/2015 11:25

Just don't put any petrol in it OP, if she asks why then tell her what you've told us, and the point that she needs to start paying for it

FenellaFellorick · 18/06/2015 11:31

Don't pay for petrol.

Or pay a fixed amount per week and when it's gone it's gone. If she uses it up in the first two days then tough luck, she's walking or on the bus for the rest of the week.

It will teach her a valuable lesson.

DJThreeDog · 18/06/2015 11:45

Tell her that if she is going to go further afield she needs to contribute to petrol. If that means her asking her friends for petrol money then that is what happens. It was totally the norm when I started driving at the same age for my non-driving friends to contribute to petrol and parking costs.

Otherwise withdraw access to the car and tell her she is abusing your generosity and can rely on buses and taxis.

DJThreeDog · 18/06/2015 11:47

But how does not putting petrol in it or only putting a certain amount in help the OP? They share the car so OP fills the car, daughter uses it all up then OP can't go where she needs to or has to fill up only ?5 a time (fine when a teen, not so much as you get older!).

FenellaFellorick · 18/06/2015 11:50

That's true. It would be a total faff and pain in the arse.

Mileage then? She gets X miles a week. When she has used them up, she has to surrender the keys?

mileend2bermondsey · 18/06/2015 11:59

So:
she didnt pay for any of her own driving lessons or tests
she didnt pay for her insurance
she doesnt pay for petrol
she doesnt have a job yet she has money to be constantly going out for meals and to the cinema
you dont even ask her to clean the car

No wonder shes entitled. Hmm

maninawomansworld · 18/06/2015 12:00

All our stuff - house, cars, machinery, farm etc are on one policy so I always had access to all my parents' cars etc.

I was allowed to use them on the proviso that they were returned in the condition I took them. I had to replace any fuel I used, clean the car out if I or my friends had made a mess and if I regularly did excessive mileage I was expected to pay towards servicing (or if it was one of the landys / non electronic cars to roll my sleeves up and service it myself).

If I didn't stick to the rules my parents just forbade me from using the cars. Simple.

chrome100 · 18/06/2015 12:03

I'd get her to chip in for petrol but don't hoover the car! A messy car is the sign of a fun life. It's not like you're eating your tea in there.

flora717 · 18/06/2015 12:13

I had to return the car with as much fuel as I took it. Clean the car and drop off / pick up for all garage stuff. It taught me a lot about managing a car.
But you're unrealistic to think this new freedom wouldn't change her habits. Yes, there are risks to driving with a car full. But on the flipside her driving will continue to improve.

DialMforMildred · 18/06/2015 12:14

She should be valeting the car in return for the free insurance/petrol/lessons, at the very least!

It's probably good that she's getting miles under her belt, post-test, as that's when the lessons really sink in, but she does need to learn the cost of petrol, and get petrol money off her mates - their parents are probably delighted at the sudden free taxi that's appeared.

hellsbells99 · 18/06/2015 12:16

I am in a similar situation. DD1 has passed her test and often ferries friends around. She does put the odd £10 of fuel in though and now other friends have passed she is receiving lifts too. She does have to keep it clean though and she has saved me money in other ways as she can ferry DD2 round for me and do lifts to school etc. when I don't need the car.
DD2's best friend has now passed and is often giving her lifts. I have told DD2 to contribute to fuel but friend refuses. DD2 has now taken to paying for some of friends things e.g. A McDonalds meal or popcorn, so friend can that use that money towards fuel.
But the biggest thing we found is that the minute they can drive you do lose control of what they are doing and where they are going. They are 17/18 and enjoying freedom! Once they start drinking, they start using lifts and taxis again Wink

mileend2bermondsey · 18/06/2015 12:23

I have told DD2 to contribute to fuel but friend refuses. DD2 has now taken to paying for some of friends things e.g. A McDonalds meal or popcorn, so friend can that use that money towards fuel
What??? So her 'friend' gets chauffeured around by your DD who then also buys her lunch for her wth? Confused

A messy car is the sign of a fun life. It's not like you're eating your tea in there
Is that the lazy persons motto? Being surrounded by a mess you dont bother to clean up is not a sign of being 'fun'

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 18/06/2015 12:31

We bought DS a car as I don't share my car well! He got himself a job as it is his responsibility to fuel it. If he doesn't have money for petrol, it stays where it is and I point him in the direction of his bike. It works for us, but obviously is an expensive outlay.

honeysucklejasmine · 18/06/2015 12:35

She should definitely be paying her own petrol. I know that's quite hard to work out, but you must know how much you used to spend, so charge her the difference.

I hope her friends aren't taking advantage of her.

BabyGanoush · 18/06/2015 12:35

easy, just let her pay for petrol.

Then it can be (and should be) her decision. She is a grown up, she can drive, let her decide (but cost it herself)

Fudgeface123 · 18/06/2015 12:39

And tell her to get a job if she's not going to uni until next year

Katiepoes · 18/06/2015 12:48

She'll get bored being the taxi driver, especially if drinks are involved. I did, it was fun for a few weeks but the assumption I'd ferry people about got annoying. Make her at least contribute to petrol though!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 18/06/2015 12:49

Friends chip in for petrol
DD gives you petrol money
Car is hoovered out at an agreed interval by DD
And she has to come and ask you if she can use the car
I would be tempted to have a couple of prior arrangements to underline permission isn't automatic

But then you need to chill out about it. Presumably you funded lessons and have put her on your car so she can, you know, drive places?

hellsbells99 · 18/06/2015 12:50

Mileend - sorry I obviously explained that poorly. It is DD2 who is getting chauffeured by friend so DD2 will buy her lunch instead of giving fuel money.

Mrsjayy · 18/06/2015 12:51

Why are YOU paying for petrol stop paying it just dont do it problem solved

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/06/2015 12:54

Ds1 is on the insurance for one of our two cars, and when he is at home, he does go out with his friends, or just out for a drive (he loves driving) - but he has always refilled the car or paid for the petrol he uses. He doesn't leave mess in the car, nor do his friends - but if he did, he would clear it up.

CrystalCove · 18/06/2015 12:54

You have to insist she pays for the petrol then.

Misslgl88 · 18/06/2015 13:36

Wow your DD is lucky she hasn't got all the outlying costs that come with learning to drive.

I got my first 10 lessons as a present when I turned 17, the rest and all 3 of the tests I took I paid for which at the time (9 years ago) were £130 a go.

My parents very kindly bought me a car for my Christmas that year I started learning (just a cheap old run around) but I was so grateful. Once I passed my test I was then fully responsible for that car and the costs of running it, I had my own insurance ( I understand it may not be possible for tound drivers to get their own cheaply now), I paid my own road tax, petrol and any car parts, MOTs.

If I wasn't able to I didn't use the car.

I would definatly be getting petrol contributions for sure

Misslgl88 · 18/06/2015 13:37

Outlying costs of having a car that should also say!

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