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AIBU?

To think this is rude:

118 replies

BlueRedGreenPurple · 17/06/2015 21:13

If someone who doesn't involve you in their child's life (like birthdays and other things) and doesnt take interest in your children's life either (doesn't acknowledge birthdays), phones you and tells you to make a cake for a big event their child is taking part in because her whole family will be there and they need a big cake. Then they give you instructions on what kind of cake they want. No invite or comments such as "we'd like you to be there too".

Isn't this incredibly rude?

OP posts:

Report

TwinkieTwinkle · 17/06/2015 22:38

Sorry, I'm late to the party. She breastfed your child?!

Oldieandgoldie · 17/06/2015 22:39

And because of an unexpected bout of sickness all over the ingredients, you've had to throw them all in the bin!

misbegotten · 17/06/2015 22:39

Long time lurker first time poster because this thread has incensed me.

Either it's a wind up or if not WTF.

OP grow a backbone and do not do this. Nothing else to say.

LaLyra · 17/06/2015 22:42

I won't be able to get out of it now.

"Here is the recipe..." is as polite as I'd get in your shoes.

Getthewonderwebout · 17/06/2015 22:45

Text her "thanks so much for bringing the ingredients over, big help. Can we say £40 payment for doing it? If that's good with you then I'll start on it. If it's more than you wanted to spend, I can drop the ingredients to you."

steppemum · 17/06/2015 22:46

Write it down.

SIL - I am hurt and offended that I never receive invites to anything at your house, but then when you want something, like a cake, you just phone up and tell me to do it.

In future please ask, don't tell, and if I say no, then it means no.
I am making this cake as a FAVOUR to you. Favours are normally exchanged between family and friends, not all one sided, and are asked as part of a relationship where we spend time with each other. If you aren't interested in a relationship, then don't ask favours.

Then read it or email it to her.

steppemum · 17/06/2015 22:49

Oh I love Getthewonder's response. Brilliant.

Poppyred85 · 17/06/2015 22:52

I agree that it would have been better to say no but I think suggesting the OP is weak/foolish/enjoys being treated like this is a bit unfair. Some people are very good at steam rollering over others to get what they want and yes, the best thing is to say no, repeatedly if needed, but it's not always that easy. Perhaps the OP finds confrontation/assertiveness difficult. FWIW I think it's too late to back out now but I wouldn't do it without comment on what happened- something along the lines of "I have made the cake on this occasion but in future I expect to be asked, not ordered."

Getthewonderwebout · 17/06/2015 22:53

steppemum I am a cake maker and people regularly try to take the piss. It's not easy, despite protestations to the OP, to say know. People who are in the habit of using others are always one step ahead and know how to back you into a corner before you realise what's even just happened. It's taken bloody years for me to be assertive. And it's always friends who take the piss.

Poppyred85 · 17/06/2015 22:54

X posted with steppemum- I like her way of saying it better

Getthewonderwebout · 17/06/2015 22:54

"No" not "know" obviously!

zzzzz · 17/06/2015 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 17/06/2015 23:49

Make the cake, take a photo and then feed it to the sick relative.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/06/2015 23:54

I agree with the poster who says you can't back out gracefully now - but I would back out ungracefully.

Bag up the ingredients, hand them to her on the doorstep, and tell her you can't and wont be making the cake. Then shut the door.

TidyDancer · 17/06/2015 23:58

Evening all!

Defo not one of mine, although weirdly satisfying in a perverse way to know it's not just me with shit for brains family and friends!

Bair · 17/06/2015 23:59

Small dose of laxatives.

Fatmomma99 · 18/06/2015 00:13

Some brilliant advice on here, BlueRedGreenPurple

And the running theme, although they haven't said this, is that YOU do have all the power, because you are the maker of the cake. So you can (if you wish) take up all or any of the suggestions on here - return ingredients, replace with a shop-brought one, make something 'off message', etc.

The power is, actually, with you.

Do with it what you will, and good luck!

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 18/06/2015 00:15

Are you for real? She breastfed your baby without your permission and you will bake her a cake?
You should at least make it really bad since you think that you can't refuse now, so she wouldn't ask again. In fact, write something like "Happy 95th birthday Grandma!" And put layer of mustard under the jam.
Voilà! You don't have to bake for her or even see her ever again.

CainInThePunting · 18/06/2015 00:29

YANBU it is rude but you should have said No on the call. If there is time for her to order one or get someone else to make it you should tell her firmly that something has come up and you are not going to have time.
Or just pull a sickie and don't answer the door or phone to her!

knowsaymuhfuh · 18/06/2015 01:12

Why in the everliving symphony of pissing cocktrumpets have you said yes?

Back out, now, politely but with a conspicuous lack of apologies or excuses.

Snog · 18/06/2015 01:21

It takes two to have a relationship like this and you are playing along with it. If you don't change your behaviour it will be forever like this. Don't look to sil to change, it's you who must change!

AngryBeaver · 18/06/2015 01:30

Is it a cultural thing, op? That you are one big family unit and the women folk do as they're told or face ostracism? Since the SIL is the brothers sister, she has a "higher" position in the family and is using it?
If not, apologies.
I'm a bit of a walk over myself, so feel your pain.
You have to make the cake now, really.
Do a great job, but make it clear that next time ask someone else as you find it too stressful or something?
I actually had someone badgering me to make a wedding cake for them very recently.
She had seen my child's cake in fb.
I am not a professional!
I said no without saying no lots of times because I am too soft!
She kept begging even sending pics of what she wanted it to look like.
I got so pissed of I eventually thought right, she has to hear this! "NO, sorry!"It was awkward, but I kind of owned the awkwardness and then it was over!

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AngryBeaver · 18/06/2015 01:37

Sorry, SIL is the sister of the husband, I meant.
Also would explain the breastfeeding thing!

AngryBeaver · 18/06/2015 01:38

Sorry, SIL is the sister of the husband, I meant.
Also would explain the breastfeeding thing!

AngryBeaver · 18/06/2015 01:38

Sorry, SIL is the sister of the husband, I meant.
Also would explain the breastfeeding thing!

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