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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want 10 year old DC to go to Europe with another family this summer

50 replies

MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 11:25

He is 10 and has diabetes which is managed by insulin injections. I do not want him to go to another european country for 5 days with his friend and his family.

He has only been diagnosed for a few months and in that time he has done a couple of sleepovers and week on a school trip in europe.

But I just feel sick at the thought of him going on this trip. DH thinks it would be ok.

So am I being silly or would other people feel the same as me?

OP posts:
bettys · 17/06/2015 11:44

Hmmm hot weather tends to bring ds's levels down...and is your ds still in the honeymoon period?

I would say no, definitely.

Original poster
MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 11:44

We've got clinic appointment tomorrow - I may email our PDSN today and see what she thinks. I have a feeling DC will bring it up himself with the consultant.

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 17/06/2015 11:50

Oh, I really feel for your son - it's tough on him to have the growth of his autonomy limited by a health condition, even temporarily. It's terribly unfair.

However, I would not be at all happy to let a DC of mine do this.

I'm surprised the other family would want the responsibility, tbh, unless one of them is medically trained.

Original poster
MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 11:58

It is tough on him and we've made a big thing about it not changing what he does etc. However even if he didn't have it I still don't think I'd have wanted him to go.

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 17/06/2015 12:01

Hopefully the consultant will be a neutral voice of reason so you can pass the buck, on this occasion at least. Good luck x

SpottyTeacakes · 17/06/2015 12:08

I wouldn't let him. Honestly in a hot country his insulin requirements could drop dramatically not to mention the extra swimming, different foods etc. it's not fair on the other family either.

Ime people without the knowledge assume it's as simple as an injection before you eat which we all know is very far from the reality.

SylvaniansAtEase · 17/06/2015 12:13

Oh sorry my post looks like I'm completely telling you what you already know (obviously!) - is that what the 'honeymoon period' refers to? Talk about sucking eggs :)

Sounds like absolutely the right decision especially given the change in environment.

I was so surprised at how my friend's DD went through such a bad patch, very suddenly, after being so ok. It would have been awful if she'd been away when that kicked off.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 17/06/2015 12:19

In your shoes, I wouldn't allow this either. There is nothing to guarantee that he will still be very stable when the holiday comes around.
I would have a chat to DSs medical team in advance of appointment, and ask for their help in letting DS down when it comes up at appointment.

My DN(10) has type 1 diabetes with 3 years. She self manages exceptionally well. She is also carb counting with about a year. She does 2-3 day sleepovers with my DDs a few times a year.
While she was here at Xmas her Ketones went high and she had to be rushed to hospital.
While I'll happily have DN for a few days, I would be nervous to bring her abroad. It is a huge responsibility, and it could get very tricky if he were to get sick while on hols.

And my limited experience of carb counting is that it a lot harder when eating out, without scales and food wrappings to help accurately measure carbs.

Hissy · 17/06/2015 13:52

Your son shows NO sign of taking full responsibility for himself sufficiently to manage this.

I would suggest that your answer is a firm NO this year, only to be reconsidered once he has shown HE is able to take full responsibility for himself. The diabetes here is a side bar - he doesn't answer his phone, that in itself is an indicator of his immaturity. Factoring back in the diabetes and he has to be WAY more clued up and responsible than he is currently being.

There is no reason why he can't eventually go away without you/ a fully briefed medical team, but he has to demonstrate that he is willing to be responsible and do the necessities. That means being answerable to you and other adults in loco parentis.

Diabetes needn't change his life, but it will if he doesn't follow a few guidelines and take the responsibility he needs to for himself.

ginghambunny · 17/06/2015 14:05

Absolutely no way. I say that as somebody who has an insulin dependent DH, so have an insight into it all.

A change of diet, temperature and routine can take their toll on even the best well managed diabetic. For instance tiredness seems to leave DH particularly prone to hypos.

As a newly diagnosed diabetic your DS is quite vulnerable at the moment and tbh I'm quite surprised the other family would be happy to take responsibility for that.

Original poster
MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 14:08

Yes, he doesn't take full responsibility and I wouldn't really expect him to at his age. He has been pretty good though Smile

Have emailed the nurse so hopefully they'll be prepared if he mentions it tomorrow.

I would also rather be there the first time he's in a hot place to see what happens and make whatever adjustments.

He has had to grow up a lot in the last 4 months and I know it is tough for him and I really don't want to stop him doing things but in this case I am going to.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 14:10

I don't think the other family quite realise what is involved. They see him managing it well and do I suspect just think it is a matter of an injection before meals/bed.

It is all the 'what ifs' that worry me.

OP posts:
EvilSidekick · 17/06/2015 14:11

If he were not diabetic would you let him go? If the answer is yes then you should still let him go. Otherwise you are teaching him that his illness limits what he can do and that's rubbish. If you consider him too young to go then the diabetes is irrelevant. He must be feeling upset about the diagnosis and a holiday will be just the thing to cheer him up.

notinagreatplace · 17/06/2015 14:16

I think I agree that you should say no. However, I do think that this is a good opportunity for you and him to discuss and agree how and when he can get to the point where he can go do things like this. You may be able to use it as a bit of an incentive for him to step up his responsibility level.

SpottyTeacakes · 17/06/2015 14:17

It's not that simple Evil. Diabetes is a difficult disease to manage at the best of times. I still struggle after 16 years. It can be very dangerous if it all goes wrong. In an ideal world it wouldn't affect his life but, for now at least, it has to be a priority.

steppemum · 17/06/2015 14:19

I think that in principle I would want to let him go, but seeing as how he is still so soon after diagnosis, and is still getting used to it, I would say no.

Go with your gut instinct at this point. Explaining to him about first year wobbles and the effect of heat and exercise may show him that you are not saying no per se, but saying no because he is still not stable enough.

For what it is worth, if I was the other family, I would be prepared to take it on, with certain provisos. That is because I am not phased by looking after sick kids, as long as I have strict instructions to follow, and have a the address of a local doctor/hospital in case things go wrong.

Original poster
MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 14:22

I agree Spotty (hope you're doing well).

He is only 10 and as mentioned still in the early stages of dealing with it. Compared to a lot of children he is doing very well according to his diabetes team in terms of managing things himself.

I don't want people to think he isn't taking responsibility - he is and does but he is still very much a 10 year old boy. I am not ruling him out doing this in the future but not just yet.

When he was first diagnosed I cried a lot and just keep getting very emotional about it all now. Maybe he could do it but I can't. Sad

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 17/06/2015 14:23

I usually err on the side of caution with these things. But if your DS really wants to go and the parents are responsible sensible people then I think you should certainly consider it. You could ask your GP for their advice.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 17/06/2015 14:23

gosh evilsidekick, that's a very simplistic view - his illness should not limit what he can do? Not eventually maybe but right now, sure it can limit him! At 10, still getting used to his condition and managing it, no way would I let my child go! I'd have to know the other parents extremely well before letting a perfectly healthy child go! One of mine is coeliac and even for sleepovers we have to make absolutely sure other parents know what is and is not ok.

Another thing - sometimes when families invite another child with them, it is so the parents can have a better/easier holiday - because if their DS has a friend to hang out with, they get more peace, more couple time, are generally more relaxed about things. If they might be drinking a lot, and leaving the kids to their own devices, and not 100% vigilant, then problems might occur - as others have said the change of food, daily routine, weather, exercise etc, is just the time when diabetes might throw a wobbly!

Original poster
MrsCampbellBlack · 17/06/2015 14:25

I think your last point phantom is a large part of my worry.

Vivienne - GP's not helpful really with regards to diabetes lovely as mine is. But have raised it with DS' diabetes team who we are seeing tomorrow.

OP posts:
SpottyTeacakes · 17/06/2015 14:29

Hi MrsCB I'm doing ok still struggling with my levels Blush

Night time hypos would worry me too especially the possibility of fitting and the increased hypo risk due to the heat. I really feel for your ds, I was a bit older than him, but it is horrible. Maybe you could try and do something special with him to make up for it?

ginghambunny · 17/06/2015 14:32

Unfortunately diabetes does limit you. You can never have complete freedom because you always have to factor in when you're going to eat, what you're going to eat, carrying around your insulin (as well as keeping it cold), test kit and emergency snacks. There's a constant element of forward planning and it's not easy on holiday, even when you're a grown adult who's lived with it for years.

Hoppinggreen · 17/06/2015 14:32

My 10 year old isn't diabetic and I wouldn't let her go.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 17/06/2015 15:41

I wouldn't let him go. My sister had diabetes from age 5 and I know how tricky it all is, especially abroad. Also my son is 9 and has epilepsy and I wouldn't let him go as I am programmed to be cautious over little things but others would not have that mindset, even with the best intentions.

KiteKit · 17/06/2015 15:49

Absolutely no way. And my dd isn't diabetic. She is 9 and there is no way I would allow her go abroad with another family for 5 days. They are too young at this age. And then add diabetes into the mix. I think you are right to be hesitant!

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