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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated at this tea shop?

58 replies

MrsNextDoor · 17/06/2015 11:09

In my city there is a very nice tea shop....it's quirky and it's the kind of place people have celebrations...so Birthday teas and Hen Parties. It's quite expensive and my DD who is about to turn 11 asked if she could have an afternoon tea there for her friends...6 in total.

I just called them to enquire if it would be bookable....6 girls aged 11 and me...I specified that I would like to allow the girls to sit alone and order their drinks...the afternoon tea is set...so they wouldn't have to choose from the menu....the response was "Well no...we don't usually allow unacompanied children"

well they wouldn't be would they! I'd be there...just on another table nearby.

He then ummed and aaahed and said "Oh I actually don't think we've got any available tables that day anyway."

Yeah right.

So irritating! Or AIBU to think they'd allow this? Maybe I am? I mean I know the girls in question are all impeccably behaved...but HE doesn't I suppose..still....I'd be right there IN the cafe!! AIBU to be annoyed??

OP posts:

chaletdays · 17/06/2015 11:33

I kind of see his point. A group of 11 year olds at a table on their own are likely to be quite shrill and excitable which could be very annoying for the people sitting close to them. If an adult is at the table to keep order and make sure the noise is reasonable it's a different kettle of fish.

My parents had a meal out ruined once when a group of mothers came in, seated their excited offspring at a table beside my parents, and then went off to another part of the restaurant themselves to chat in peace while my elderly parents and their two friends had to try and talk over the noise of high pitched children all babbling together.

ollieplimsoles · 17/06/2015 11:33

If its a naice place they probably don't want to host kids parties...but they host hen parties so wtf?

They have turned down paying customers then! Stupid thing to do in my opinion.

Could you not sit with the girls at the table, just on the end?

morage · 17/06/2015 11:34

I can understand their hesitation. Some parents get very upset if their children are told to keep the noise down. And some parents are so used to loud noise that they have a much higher threshold for children's noise, than others do.
And a hen party in a tea shop would be a sedate affair. Loud hen parties are not going to go to a tea shop.

Original poster

MrsNextDoor · 17/06/2015 11:35

Chalet yes..I'm sure that was his fear. I suppose I'm annoyed because these girls really are very well behaved. Polite and quiet...and they're all used to going out to eat so they'd not get hysterical. He doesn;'t know that though.

OP posts:

mmollytoots · 17/06/2015 11:37

wait a few days then ring back and ask for table for 6.why the need to specify details

chaletdays · 17/06/2015 11:38

I suppose in his defence he's going by some of the unruly children and rude parents he's seen in other venues. It's unfair on children like yours and parents like you, but unfortunately there are parents out there who show no consideration for others in restaurants, and like all bad apples they ruin it for everyone.

MaxPepsi · 17/06/2015 11:39

There are some proper killjoys on this thread.

I'd take a group of giggling excitable 11 years olds over a group of screeching cackling likely to be drunk women in a cafe anyday.

I was a waitress in a former life in a great restaurant which catered for everyone.
The kids parties were far easier than the adults, who argued over the bill, were rude, threw food, got pissed and on one memorable occasion puked all over the table!

budgiegirl · 17/06/2015 11:41

YANBU to feel a bit irritated, but on the other hand, the cafe is not being unreasonable either, if they don't want to allow a booking for a table of 11 year old girls (even if they are supervised from another table). It's their business, they can call the shots.

Either offer to sit with the girls, or find a cafe that will accept them.

DialMforMildred · 17/06/2015 11:45

but they host hen parties so wtf?

Not all hen parties are made up of shrieking harpies wearing knob-deely-boppers and playing cock-based parlour games - I've been on a couple of 'hen dos' now which could easily have passed for five or so thirtysomething women having a relaxed champagne tea for no marital reason at all...

I can see why you're disappointed, OP, because it's a lovely thing to do, but I can see the owner's point too, especially if it was a bloke who maybe doesn't routinely deal with 11 year old girls. He might feel awkward about being responsible for them if something went wrong, even if you're there. The phrase 'unaccompanied children' can set off alarm bells with some people these days. Is there a hotel in the town that does afternoon teas in their lounge? You could just book for the girls, plus a couple of adults, then maybe sit a few tables away - a bigger venue/more lounge setting might be more flexible?

chaletdays · 17/06/2015 11:45

No one's being a killjoy. We are just pointing out some of the reasons that the owner might be reluctant to risk booking a table for a group of unaccompanied children.

I really hate this attitude that anyone who objects to children doing anything they want is a killjoy.

Noodledoodledoo · 17/06/2015 11:47

Hen parties could be just as loud but will probably make them a lot more money so worth the disruption, if they have champers/fizz with the afternoon tea which is more likely, or just lots more cups of tea/drinks.

chaletdays · 17/06/2015 11:48

In fairness, a bride who chooses an afternoon tea for her hen party is unlikely to be anticipating a loud, raucous, event with funny hats and drunken mates cackling shrilly.

Original poster

MrsNextDoor · 17/06/2015 11:49

Well I've booked Pizza Express now which DD loves anyway...so bugger the posh teashop! Saves me about a tenner a head too!

THe activity they're doing is lovely so pizza will suffice...and the manager there was lovely!

OP posts:

londonrach · 17/06/2015 11:51

The hen parties ive been to have just been a group of woman enjoying a meal together. All very tame and i surpose boring to many but ive always enjoyed them as good to catch up with everyone. No one dresses up. I do understand why this man is coming from. Suggest you pop in and speak face to face and explain.

londonrach · 17/06/2015 11:52

Great op sounds like a better idea. Hope your dd enjoys her meal with friends x

morage · 17/06/2015 11:55

Yes no idea why everyone thinks Hen parties are always loud raucous affairs. My best friend doesn't drink alcohol at all, and when she had a Hen day, the last thing she wanted was people getting drunk.

Original poster

MrsNextDoor · 17/06/2015 11:56

Well the manager was lovely...I explained I didn't want to book the party package...just a meal for 6 girls...and he said the system didn't allow for booking before 4.30pm as lunch times aren't usually busy but he'd put it in the notes that a table for 6 should be kept aside...he told me they'd be fine with the girls sitting alone and me somewhere nearby...and was just generally nice. So...good call

OP posts:

kali110 · 17/06/2015 12:22

Not all hen parties are loud, drunken women being sick.
Least not any i'v been on! I don't even drink.

TheWrathofNaan · 17/06/2015 12:33

Is this tiny Tims in Canterbury?

Original poster

MrsNextDoor · 17/06/2015 12:36

no it's not Tiny Tim's. Almost every town and city in the UK has a posh teashop...people could post a hundred and still not get the right one.

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 17/06/2015 12:41

'I really hate this attitude that anyone who objects to children doing anything they want is a killjoy.'

Ditto. Its a lovely idea OP and like you said, you know that they will be well behaved, but he doesn't know that. I don't blame him for turning you down - it could be a circus for all he knows. Not all parents are as conscientious as you are.

Viviennemary · 17/06/2015 12:41

If I was the owner I wouldn't be keen either. It's not a play area for children to play at being grown ups. The last thing I'd want was to go to have a nice afternoon tea and a group of giggly excited 11 year olds on the next table with their Mum looking fondly on. Cringe.

Momagain1 · 17/06/2015 12:49

Surely not all hen parties are drunken messes, particularly those scheduled in a tea room in the afternoon?

I know my girlfriends might have been little girl giggly in that setting, but we would have chosen that setting because getting screamingly drunk and wobbling between bars and pubs on stilt high heels was never our idea of fun.

My cousin had a tea party hen party, it included both her grandmothers, her mother and aunts, and several little girls highly pleased to be included. Not a screech or shriek was hear, and only the grandmothers got tipsy.

Original poster

MrsNextDoor · 17/06/2015 12:51

Vivienne yes God forbid we'd offer children anything other than MacDonalds or even let them eat somewhere NICE! after all...they're all beasts aren't they?

OP posts:

ARealPipperoo · 17/06/2015 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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