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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want dh to get back into shape, Channing Tatum lookalike

38 replies

wcwlife · 17/06/2015 09:25

In the five years since we've been married he's stopped taking care of his body like he used to and with work has given up most of the sports he liked. I'm no longer physically attracted to him and it makes me feel funny seeing him gorge on junk.

He used to have a body like said movie star when he is in shape, now looks like the fat version.

Nc as this makes me seem like a shallow bitch. But I feel very strongly about this and it is putting a stress on our relationship. Have not has sex in 9+ months.can anyone understand where I'm coming from?

OP posts:

MNpostingbot · 17/06/2015 11:41

The OP doesn't say that though does it?

It just outlines the symptoms of this problem, it doesn't mention any of the causes. This guy could be working 80 hours a week to provide more material things for his incredibly shallow wife.

Had I posted the same thing about a female, it would have been jumped on by half the site and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise, it would have been pages of suggested reasons why the wife didn't take care of herself because she was busy doing stuff for him and the family.

DumbledoresKnobblyWand · 17/06/2015 11:47

You'd be ripped apart if you were a husband talking about his wife. Why is it somehow acceptable to speak this way about men?

"he's fat, I don't fancy him, he's let himself go"

Maybe the fact you're not even trying to hide the fact you're appalled by his appearance has resulted in him 'eating his feelings'. Maybe he's not very happy. Maybe he didn't think you married him because he looked like Channing Tatum.

Enb76 · 17/06/2015 11:49

Fair enough - I find MN rabidly anti-man, dependant on the time of day but as a female myself. would be just as horrified if a woman did the same thing. It's my opinion only that people in general shouldn't let themselves go entirely to seed because they have the 'safety net' of marriage.

I can only go from what the OP said, and in the absence of anything else unreasonable happening, base my response on that.

ReginaBlitz · 17/06/2015 11:50

No sex in 9 months? He's clearly found a less shallow, pathetic cow to shag

GRT · 17/06/2015 11:58

"That's different - you're talking about a woman"

Fixed that for you.

Also, life doesn't take its toll on men? Newsflash.

As a dad who has a few knocks, dents, scuffs and a spare tyre from age, stress, parenting, work and the financial/time commitments of work and family that put an end to my favourite exercise, I beg to differ. :P

worridmum · 17/06/2015 12:00

can you imainge the outrage if a man / other female partner came on here and said that their partner since having kids as let herself go and is more likely to drink wine / eat chocolate then to exucise and she as gone up like 2 dress sizes so is masssive!!! and fat and I know longer attracted to her

They would be rightly ripped into and I belive the OP is in fact a very very shallow person and should actully get a grip unless he has become trulyl obease and there are health issues otherwise it simply shallowness

GatoradeMeBitch · 17/06/2015 12:13

Wow. So much of whether someone gets a positive response or not depends on the wording! Someone posted the same thing couple of days ago, but without the Channing Tatum reference, and was flooded with sympathy.

It's perfectly normal to not be attracted to a fat person (says I, a currently fat person.)

Be honest with him, but try not to be hurtful. If you haven't had sex in over 9 months he must know something is up. Or perhaps being fat has killed off his sex drive? If you both want to keep your marriage going you really need to address it. Best of luck!

GatoradeMeBitch · 17/06/2015 12:16

Nope, it has happened, many a time, and I've never really noticed any outrage. As I said above, it usually depends on the wording. "I want my extremely hot partner back" just inspires jealousy and vitriol. "I'm worried about his/her health and I don't want our marriage to fail" inspires sympathy and helpful advice. Genitals don't really come into it.

Dowser · 17/06/2015 12:37

Me and soon to be mr D just try to be thebest we can be for each other . In 7 years we've both puta bit of timber on , who hasn't in their 60s.

He wasn't channing Tatum and I wasn't Beyonce but we do eat very healthily although we don't do a lot of exercising.

That's what I think is the secret. Accepting the body changes while still trying to keep some semblance of a figure.

Sitting gorging on junk day after day would not be acceptable to either of us. We would see it as a sign of a problem.

Treats are allowed in case anyone thinks this is an entirely joyless relationship ;-)

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 17/06/2015 14:18

Sitting gorging on junk day after day would not be acceptable to either of us.

Yes, this. I couldn't find this attractive. Over the years we've had our hungover days where my husband goes on an urgent McDonalds run to ease the pain, but we just don't sit around eating endlessly. I would be pretty quickly repelled by this, and I am certain my husband would as well.

Dowser · 17/06/2015 14:39

Moderation in all things is Mr D's motto!

Ethylred · 17/06/2015 17:39

OP, your motive for wanting him to lose weight is irrelevant. Just say to him "Here's your gym membership darling, get started."

messalina · 17/06/2015 21:43

I don't think OP is being unreasonable at all. But I am a running junkie and also a shallow bitch. What someone (a man) said about difference between life taking its toll and letting oneself go was spot on. None of us expect our spouses to always look young and slim but we can expect some standards!

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