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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that this woman might want to consider backing into her drive...

49 replies

AmberNectarine · 16/06/2015 15:48

...rather than mouthing off at me?

Walking home with the DCs from school, pushing DD (3) on her smart trike with DS (5) walking about 3ft ahead (no more than this, which is important). The street is a pedestrian thoroughfare, lots of parents and children walking down it at this time of day, unsurprisingly.

A woman suddenly reverses out of her high fenced front garden (so we couldn't see the car) at some speed, right into our path. I grab DS' arm and stop him from being knocked down.

Woman then proceeds to get out of car and shout at me about kids getting in her way. Needless to say she used extremely vulgar language. I pointed out perhaps it might be an idea to check the path is clear before getting into the car, especially at this time of day - it's a long street and her house is in the middle of it so she would have ample time to complete her manoeuvre, or better still, back onto the drive so that she was facing forward when pulling out. Needless to say I got further abuse so walked away because I'm not in the habit of banging my head against brick walls.

I don't see what more I could have done as the high fence prevented us seeing her pulling out until it was almost too late, except possibly gluing DS to my side. It's not like he was racing ahead of us.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:

missymayhemsmum · 16/06/2015 19:30

She shouldn't be allowed to use her drive if there are no safe sightlines. Report to Highways and police as dangerous. If she wants to use her drive she has to take the fence down. And learn to reverse in.

MrsNextDoor · 16/06/2015 19:31

SHE was at fault. Stupid woman. Of course as others have said, it's best to keep smaller DC next to you...but ALL drivers need to look out for pedestrians. It's obvious! She's in a big lump of metal on wheels...pedestrians are a basic meat covered skeleton on two feet. No argument.

Original poster

AmberNectarine · 16/06/2015 19:36

Methe you have my sympathies - we get a lot of commuter knobs parking across ours.

Thanks for all the responses - I didn't realise that backing onto your drive was the proper thing to be doing (I do it but mainly for convenience so I can make a quick getaway!) Good to know.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 16/06/2015 19:42

although she was in the wrong, you need to keep your three year old close as adults are a lot easier to see than small children even with slow reversing and good use of mirrors. you need to be aware that some people are idiots and will not even bother to be careful.

RiderOfDragons · 16/06/2015 20:10

She was in the wrong for not inching out slowly or reversing in. You should keep your son close to you though, kids are pretty small so she could have almost hit him by inching too if she'd not noticed. I almost hit a little one when reversing into my drive, in this case though the child minder was too busy gassing halfway down the road to notice he had toddled off. Luckily, I was going very slowly and since we had a cat who tended to chase the tyres of cars I had angled my mirrors lower.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/06/2015 20:52

This once nearly happened to me and dd when she was about 3. The only difference was that dd was walking and was holding my hand at the time and I was over 8 months pregnant so should have been very very visible! Possibly even from outer space! How she didn't see us I have no idea!

She was apologetic though.

EscapePea · 16/06/2015 20:58

Buy a copy of the Highway Code and post it through her letterbox with the relevant parts mentioned above highlighted. Passive aggressive? Yes, but so what? I've dealt with cases in my line of work of people (sometimes their parents) reversing over children. They are not post-mortem reports one forgets...

SouthWestmom · 16/06/2015 21:08

I reversed out of a parking space slowly and still nearly hit a toddler. His mum was about ten feet ahead pushing a buggy and I'd seen her go past and not noticed the trailing toddler - they are so tiny and invisible. I saw him emerge from behind my car as I was moving towards him. Still feel sick thinking about it years later.

echt · 16/06/2015 22:06

I alway reverse into my driveway, which has high walls/fences on either side. The road is not a busy one, but the pavement is, a popular one for taking dogs and/or kids down to the oval. I creep out very slowly indeed.

Even if I checked the pavement before going out, in the time it takes me to get in the car, start it up and get moving, someone could have come out of their house and be coming down the pavement. So very slow is the only way.

OP, YANBU.

5Foot5 · 16/06/2015 22:13

A house I used to walk past on my way to work had high hedges which must have impeded the view of who was on the pavement. It was also on a street where there were quite a few parents taking children to school.

I regularly saw a woman leaving the drive but she not only edged out slowly and forwards but also sounded the horn to alert any pedestrians. I did wonder whether she had maybe had a near miss one time and it had made her ultra-cautious.

amazingtracy · 16/06/2015 23:22

Driver is at fault obviously. However if she hit your son, all the rights and wrongs in the world would not help your son.

I always reverse into EVERY parking space as a result of a close call years ago. Now I try to teach my son that he is too short to be seen by drivers and to stay beside me.

Use this incident to keep your son safe.

for the love of God don't let your kids run ahead of you in a car park up close to the parked cars because drivers just can't see your kids Have I shared with you all how much I love rear parking sensors?

muminhants1 · 17/06/2015 10:11

In USA it's the driver's responsibility to give way to any pedestrians when crossing the pavement to access a drive. So legally always the driver's responsibility. Always amazes me that not like that in Britain. Drivers really can go wherever they damn well please.

It's the same in the UK. It's just that drivers think it isn't.

The same applies when you are turning into a side road that pedestrians are crossing - you are supposed to give way to them. But most of the time they don't, and act like you are stupid for being there. And indicating doesn't give you right of way either, it just lets the pedestrian know you are planning to turn in, so they may not step onto the road. But if they do, the driver has to stop.

spouseofaMNer · 17/06/2015 10:23

"I might get flamed for this but I think it's 50/50."

I'm not going to flame you, but it's 100% the responsibility of the driver to not mow down pedestrians where they would reasonably be expected to walk.

I do think your comment raises a sensible note of caution, though - we should generally assume other people are fuckwits who might kill people with their idiocy, because 9 out of 10 of them are.

Original poster

AmberNectarine · 17/06/2015 11:00

"we should generally assume other people are fuckwits who might kill people with their idiocy, because 9 out of 10 of them are."

Think this is going to become my new M.O.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 17/06/2015 11:11

With drivers like that I don't think it matters what direction they enter their driveway from sadly. Too many arseholes out there these days who don't give a damn about pedestrian rights.

Funny how they can suddenly show consideration for other road users when the other user in question is a ten-tonne artic lorry tho.

ElleGrace · 17/06/2015 11:18

YANBU. Your son was in reaching distance, he couldn't really have been much closer to you without getting in the way of the little one on the trike... pavements aren't wide enough for 3 people!
She should have came out very slowly so that you had ample time to react. It would also be a good idea to get out and check the road is clear before she started to reverse, as you said.
However, I don't think backing into her drive would help all that much. As others have said, she would still have to have her bonnet sticking out before she could see much past the fence.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 17/06/2015 11:22

I always reverse onto our drive & into parking spaces. It makes setting off much nicer in general!

I still take care when moving over pavements as you never know who is walking, running, scooting along.....

maninawomansworld · 17/06/2015 11:27

Legally it is the drivers' responsibility to ensure they do not cause and accident or hit a pedestrian but this fact would be cold comfort when your child is lying in a hospital bed so probably best keep your DD close.
Better safe than sorry.

Yokohamajojo · 17/06/2015 11:31

We have a drive like that, drive - pavement - hedge - street. Very difficult to see. I always reverse in and drive out super duper slowly as I have once almost collided with someone driving far too fast down our street.

It's common sense to be very careful for anyone with a setup like that! She was silly to shout at you

madamginger · 17/06/2015 11:35

There is a house literally next door to our school, the owners kids go to a different school and she get home at 3:40 every day. She reverses onto her drive and she will drive at you and basically give you abuse if you get in her way. How she hasn't been hospitalised by a parent I don't know because she's lethal.

DumbledoresKnobblyWand · 17/06/2015 11:39

This happened to a friend's 5yo daughter, except the car (well, small van) actually made contact with her, and was going to actually run her down if my friend didn't jump in front of her and start hammering on the rear to make him stop. It was very scary. He was speeding backwards out of a driveway, meters from a school gate, at 9am. He wasn't even sorry, just told her to fuck off!

I keep DS close by me near driveways too, but there needs to be caution on the drivers part as well. Some people just don't think.

blondegirl73 · 17/06/2015 11:46

This happened to me when I was similarly pregnant with a toddler. I was waiting to cross the road, where there is a traffic island, and a car coming along the road had stopped to let us cross. As we stepped out into the road, a car that was parked to our left, suddenly reversed right up to us. I whacked my hand on the rear window and jumped back on to the pavement. But they just drove off - no apology, nothing.

Hexenbiest · 17/06/2015 11:51

community police officer - you could try that.

I saw this happen with no fence clear view - driver didn't look. Two DC ahead of their dad's on scooter - driver just pulled out very nearly hitting them - they served and one ended up in road.

He had two very belligerent 6 ft dad's in his face.

The driver did try and argue it was their fault and he was sick of school cars and kids - they live on road of a primary and many parents aren't considerate as they should be. I think he wished he hadn't - they also contacted the community police officer who apparently had a word.

I do try and keep my DC close as I assume drivers aren't always careful- but they do want to go off as other children do and older one is of an age she wants to walk in and out of school by herself In this case the driver should have been more careful.

ImSoCoolNow · 17/06/2015 12:07

The driver is totally at fault! From the sounds of it your child was not far from your reach at all. These things do happen though.

Once when I had no other option than to reverse out of my driveway (due to another car parking far too close to the entrance the night before) I had slept in and was in a rush. I reversed out of my driveway a little too quickly and almost knocked a grown woman over. I was absolutely mortified and she was not best pleased (obviously). However, I got out of the car and apologised profusely.

The main thing is that neither you or your child were hurt but the fact this woman then blamed YOU and got angry with YOU for her almost knocking over your child really angers me. I'd say community police also. She needs to learn the rules

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