Mil looking after dd

[mmollytoots]

so I'm due to go back to work soon and me and do were initially going to put dd into a nursery.

me and mil and Sil have had a vast history of issues with each other and fell our a lot in the past.

However, mil is fantastic with Dr and do yes on her and I also feel more anxious about the nursery, so I suppose I'm worried mil and Sil Sil have too much of an influence on dd in future even though its only two days a week

I know it sounds silly but dd is mine and dp and in scared they could take her away if that makes sense

should suck it up for the benefit of saving money

PIL looked after our DD initially one day a week from when she was nearly 18mo. PIL are really nice and genuinely wanted to do what we wanted but we still had an awkward moment involving too many Fruit Shoots, diarrhoea, 2x anal exams for a pre-schooler and a bleeding anal fissure! Was a tough conversation to have with them and they were perfectly reasonable.

If there's history, I'd decline now. It's easier to switch to PIL later on when DC are older or ad hoc help when they're at school. Very difficult to pull DC out of PIL care when it's started, without some fall out.

Personally I think your creating a rod for your own back if you say yes now and no later. They will have some leverage over you then- "what's changed" "I'm not doing this anymore to help you out" etc etc.

Personally I wouldn't leave my child in the care of someone I didn't get on with.

Mil has basically brought up Sil dc and she is fantastic with him so I don't doubt her parenting style she has also stated that she will do as I says she will take dd to mother and baby classes etc. I know she will look after dd really well but it is just about the history of issues I'm worried that she's only being nice at the Moment so she can babysit dd when I go back. but then she will remain nice as she will want to look after dd so it might benefit us but them I'm just worried about the ins and outs and in case of issues. I don't know how I feel with dd seeing random people when I'm not there

just to add I hate Sil and I think me and mil would be in a Mich better position if Sil isn't there. she would barely let me near her ds when he was growing up but if mil looks after y baby them Sil will be thee everyday all over her.

Use the nursery and use MIL for ad hoc helping out. It really will be the best of both worlds.

then if she goes into a nursery in risk missing my train to work as nursery only opens at 7.30 so I would need baby dropped off before that so frustrating

Personally I'd look for a childminder that does the hours you require and ask MIL to do the back up when the CM is sick or on leave you can't cover etc.

CM might be a better option for you timing wise, in which case you'll definately need MIL as back up as you only will have the one person - who may get sick, or have holiday on dates that don't match when you want to be off work, whereas a nursery will have bank staff to cover your DD's key worker having a day off sick or holiday.

(Other options if you'd rather use nursery would be to ask if they'd let you drop 10 minutes earlier, or ask work if you can start later)

If you are happy with the way your DH turned out, and with the way MiL looks after her other grandchildren, and she is willing and able then why not?
But you should only take up the offer if you are happy to trust MiL and accept that the way she does things will be different to how you would do them, but will be ok. And if you are happy that your dd will have a great relationship with her granny and aunty, even if you don't.
You don't get total control at a nursery or with a childminder either.
Having extra reliable grownups who love her doesn't take your dd away, it enriches her life, and you'll still be her mummy.

thanks for that missmayhem everything you said is exactly how it is. dp is fantastic and has Been brought up well regardles of how I feel about her. other dgc is tiny bit spoilt but well mannered but that's partly because the three of them are together 247 were as my dd will only be 14 hours a week.