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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should be allowed online in the evening without a guilt trip?

14 replies

AlmondAmy · 15/06/2015 00:01

I'm a SAHM to a 7 yo, 3 yo who's being assessed for ASC and a 5 mo. My 3 yo is up for 14 hrs every day and my baby breasfeeds several times per night, plus 3 yo usually wakes 3-5 times and takes around 30 mins to settle each time. To say 'me time' is limited is an understatement!

When I have put all the kids to bed I like 30-45 mins online to check Facebook/emails/research activities for the DC. I don't get time to look at my phone at all during the day. DP checks and uses his phone all day - at least 5-6 times per hour. He gets huffy like I'm being antisocial by being online and says I should be talking to him to keep him awake (he often falls asleep soon after the kids) but I feel like I've been responsible for everyone else's wellbeing all day so 30-45 mins to myself isn't much to ask. Aibu?

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 15/06/2015 00:03

YABvvvU....

... You need FAR more time to check in on MN.

Explain to your DP. Possibly a reason to ltb?

pigsDOfly · 15/06/2015 00:07

No not at all.

Why is it your responsibility to make sure DP stays awake? Is he making sure you stay awake?

DJThreeDog · 15/06/2015 00:08

If my DH said that to me I'd give him this face Hmm tell him it's not my responsibility to keep him awake and I'll do what I like with my down time. As he does with his.

cerealqueen · 15/06/2015 00:13

YANBU. At all.

IAmAShitHotLawyer · 15/06/2015 00:15

YANBU - everytime he gets his phone out from now on, throw a little tantrum and say he should be paying you and the kids attention, not on his phone.

He'll soon shut up about your phone usage.

WanderWomble · 15/06/2015 00:17

Put some music on or tell him to get a cup of coffee if he wants to stay away. You're his wife, not his mother and should get some time to yourself.

christinarossetti · 15/06/2015 00:21

Another suggestion is for him to do all of the childcare for half an hour when you first get up in the morning or during bedtime so that you can have an hour online then.

The children will assist him to stay awake.

Lweji · 15/06/2015 00:23

Ask him if you are his mother.

TendonQueen · 15/06/2015 00:23

Agree with the others. He can set alarms on his own phone to wake him up. Plus he could do some/all of the bedtimes and that will mean you can use that time online instead!

TooOldForGlitter · 15/06/2015 00:53

He's being an absolute cunt. I'm going to assume he has at least a couple of redeeming qualities so please pick one of his finer ones and point out that he's being an incredibly controlling arsehole and that you'll spend your leisure time as you see fit. Alternatively, every time he picks his phone up, tell him he's being rude and antisocial and that he should be talking to you to keep you awake.

mynewpassion · 15/06/2015 01:01

Maybe its his way if saying let's set aside couples time.

TooOldForGlitter · 15/06/2015 01:03

He should get a new way of saying that then. Like using actual words like a big boy.

googoodolly · 15/06/2015 05:21

Is he trying to say he wants some time with just you? He's going about it in a dickish way but the fact that he's asking you to talk to him seems to hint at that, tbh.

Maybe compromise? Have 30 minutes just you and DP and then you can both do whatever you want afterwards - go online or sleep or watch TV or whatever else you fancy?

Lweji · 15/06/2015 07:36

And maybe he could go around making sure you also get some you time, so that you can have some couple time.

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