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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend didn't wait for me and DD at swimming pool

49 replies

MotorwayMonkey · 14/06/2015 20:45

I have a friend who lives in another town from me quite far away and we often meet in a city that is halfway between our two homes. This weekend we arranged to go swimming in said halfway town. I don't drive (which she knows) so this means that I have to lug quite a big bag full of towells, shampoo etc on a bus, a train and then walk about 15 minutes to the swimming pool along with my dawdling 3 yo DD.

We arranged to meet at 10:30am at the pool. It is always really busy on weekends (its quite a nice pool with a couple of flumes so I think that is why it is so popular)) so much so that you are allocated 1 hour slots (with coloured wristbands) when you get there. I arrived bang on time (actually a couple of minutes early). I took my phone out to see that my friend had texted just after 10am to say that she had already arrived and had taken her DD in the pool and we will meet her in there. There was actually a long queue of people waiting to be allowed to go into the pool and me and DD ended up waiting for about 30mins before we were allowed in. This all meant that by the time we joined my friend and her DD, they had to leave shortly after we got there.

I don't know if IABU, but I was annoyed that my friend could not wait for us. We were not late, we got there on time and she knew about how busy it gets and about the 1 hour allocation thing. It annoyed me as I felt one of the main reasons we went was so that our children could enjoy a swim etc together, it is quite a big slog for me taking all the stuff needed and I would have just gone to my local pool 5 minutes from my house if I wanted to take me and DD swimming rather than embarking on an hour plus journey.

I didn't say anything to my friend. I just think this was a bit off.

OP posts:

Original poster

MotorwayMonkey · 14/06/2015 22:24

There was definitely no misunderstanding about the time.

Her DD is around the same age as my DD and there is no SN needs involved. The pool actually has a really nice cafe at the front before you go in which has a small softplay area so she could have sat there for a bit, there is also a nice park not far as well.

I was/am really annoyed as it was just such a waste of time and money us going. Regarding me having to take lots of stuff, I had my usual bag full of stuff I need for going out with DD and then a big gym bag with the towels in which for me is quite a lot of stuff.

OP posts:

SeenSheen · 14/06/2015 22:34

Just wrong & rude - do you think she got the time wrong & thought you were late?

PtolemysNeedle · 14/06/2015 22:46

Would she have realised before she started queuing that she'd have to get out in an hour? Just wondering if she thought she'd be able to meet you in the pool and stay in the water for longer.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 14/06/2015 23:05

PtolemysNeedle I think the friend has been there before (at least that's how I read it) therefore she should have known.

QuintShhhhhh · 14/06/2015 23:09

Yanbu.

if she drives and your journey is so long, why do you meet in the half way town to go to the pool, rather than 5 minutes from your house? I bet HER journey to your pool would be shorter than your rather inconvenient journey to the midway pool!

NormaStits · 15/06/2015 00:54

I wouldn't be going out with her like that again, I'd be making her come to me.

I had a meet up with a friend like this recently. We arranged a get together at a local cafe. When I got there, she'd gone early with one of her other friends (not mutual) and they were already most of the way through their food. They hung on until I'd eaten but only just and then left but made me feel like I was keeping them. I won't completely ruin my friendship with her over it, but I haven't exactly rushed to make any more arrangements with her since.

Icimoi · 15/06/2015 00:56

Have you asked her why she didn't wait?

partialderivative · 15/06/2015 03:49

Did you arrange to meet at the pool or in the queue? Your OP suggests that you knew there would be a big queue, but made no allowance for it.

I think I would be miffed if I was your friend.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2015 04:09

How very bloody rude of her.

I can see why you mentioned about carrying all that extra stuff - you went to a lot of bother to get there when you could have just gone to your local pool without all the faff - and she doesn't have any of that faff because she drives.

So I agree that next time you should either tell her to come to yours, or do something that isn't so time limited, because she clearly doesn't have the manners to wait until you can do the activity together.

GloGirl · 15/06/2015 05:05

I'm curious, are you often late? Was your friend trying to teach you a lesson?

Maybe she thought it was swim at X time not turn up?

Either way she was bloody rude!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2015 06:52

How is arriving half an hour earlier than the agreed time "teaching the OP a lesson" when she wasn't even late herself? That doesn't make any sense!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/06/2015 07:00

Yanbu. I'd bring it up with her either now, or next time you arrange something. Who usually initiates arrangements?

RebootYourEngine · 15/06/2015 07:11

I would have to ask her what happened or id never be able to let it go. I can understand if you were running late but you were also early.

What did she do when they left the pool, did she wait in the cafe for you?

KatieLatie · 15/06/2015 08:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mintyy · 15/06/2015 09:05

Yanbu, but you absolutely sure the agreed time to meet was 10.30 and not 10.00am?

If that was definite, maybe she got it wrong?

So yanbu but it's not really a major thing unless she knew it was 10.30 and decided to go in early because she couldn't be bothered to wait for you.

BarbarianMum · 15/06/2015 09:07

She was out of order. I wouldn't say anything now cause I'm a coward but if she suggests it again I'd say no and tell her why.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 15/06/2015 09:14

I definetly woulsnt be in any rush to meet up with her again, unless it was very easy to get to, free, and no time constraints.

museumum · 15/06/2015 09:15

I'd just assume she'd had a really bad morning, she was frazzled and her ds was kicking off. And that she therefore didn't think. Surely we've all been there once? Frazzled and stressed.
Did she wait when you got out? Did you speak to her? I'd have asked "what happened?" And if my assumption was right probably given sympathy but if she'd been blaze and said she just fancied going in I'd have explained that the trip wasn't worth it for us if the girls weren't going to swim together.

I tend to always assume the best of people (particularly friends) but also always speak up about things like this. What's the point stewing about it and just assuming she was being needlessly rude and horrible to you.

Elephantjuicelove · 15/06/2015 09:16

Yanbu. It was rude and she should have waited. Does she usually do things like this? Maybe she was just having a bad day and didn't think. She probably didn't mean to upset you.

On the other hand...If shes done things like this before I would not ever go out if my way again. If she wants to see and she drives she can come to you.

Sparrowlegs248 · 15/06/2015 09:23

Really rude and annoying. If this arrangement is likely to crop up again i would tackle it then, saying 'can we make sure we meet at the agreed time outside the pool/in the cafe so we are in the pool together?'

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 15/06/2015 09:25

Did she go in with another friend?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/06/2015 10:18

It's rude, by her going in early meant you didnt actually meet, you just went to the same place.

notaplasticgnome · 15/06/2015 10:34

YANBU. She basically wasted your time dragging you over to a pool miles away, and then going swimming without you. I wouldn't let the friendship die over one issue, but if she did anything like that again I'd raise it with her.

kittycatz · 15/06/2015 11:06

YANBU. I wouldn't bother going again. It seems like an awful long way and a lot of hassle for a one hour swim.
It was thoughtless of her. Perhaps her child was kicking off and she didn't think it mattered too much if she went in early but she didn't think of the trouble you had gone to to get there and that you might have to queue for ages. 10.30 means 10.30. Why was she there half an hour early?
You'd be better off going to the pool near your house and if she wants to come then she can but you don't need to put yourself to all that trouble for someone who doesn't think of others.

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