The MI6 advert on Mumsnet Jobs

[MurielWoods]

To be a little bit disappointed?

They are recruiting for a Software Specialist but I can't help feeling that Mumsnetters have acquired a specific set of skills over the years that would make us ideal candidates for espionage.

My particular skills would be:

Being unnoticeable - as a middle aged women I am practically invisible in crowded places so I would be great at 'hiding in plain sight' providing that there were loos nearby

Uncanny ability to spot a 'bad-un' - after years of lurking on the relationship boards I think I could smell a baddy a mile off.

I'm a light sleeper - thanks to my knackered pelvic floor muscles I am awake a lot during the night

What would be your secret agent skills?

After over a decade of parenting I can correctly identify a vast range of nefarious activities from the most fleeting sounds.

Excellent multi tasking skills, good with technology, skilled mediator and the vital skill....I can sing advert jingles from years ago!

Where do I join up?

Human lie detector
Lethal side-eye
Spock-level logician (unless it's my own life I'm trying to logic about )
My pulse rate actually goes DOWN in stressful situations, it's like the Matrix-style bullet time
Brain is a cesspool of useless trivia knowledge. Calculus gives me fits but I know the lyrics to every Duran Duran song ever.
I never get lost

I'm actually pretty handy to have around if you can stomach all the sarcasm .

I can wiggle my ears. I'm like a miniature GCHQ.

I am an excellent tree-climber.
My bullshit detector is very finely tuned.
I used to be a getaway driver so am very good at fancy manoeuvres executed quickly in old bangers stealth vehicles.

No questions please, TSSNCOP.

I can see around corners and through walls, see items (cups and dirty clothes mainly) that are wearing their cloaks of invisability and make time stand still.

I could feed enemies to be twice their size in 2 months. And they wouldn't be able to refuse - it's too good.
I can ignore random bs talk for hours - my DS talk to himself a lot.
I can also hear too quiet before it turns bad.