To think this is not amazing parenting

[Notsureatall12]

I have a relative who lives the other end of the country.
She has a 4 year old DD. She is a single parent, stays at home with her. She does not go to nursery or attend any groups or social functions at all. Wider family all live down south and dad not on scene. Family member has few friends, none with children.

Whilst they have an amazing bond, the child never socialises or learns how to interact with other children or knows how to follow the routine that will be expected of her in school.

She always says that this is an idyllic way to bring up DD. Whilst I can definitely see that they must have a lovely time together I can't help but feel that a child needs that additional stimulation, and a break from eachother?
Obviously, it's none of my business really, we're not very close, see eachother weddings and funerals and on Facebook. Also, obviously she is a good parent but what if she wasn't? She lives in a deprived high population area so sees no health visitor, there would be nobody to pick up on any concerns.

AIBU?

[Bellebella]

I think it sounds fine. Where does it say you have to socialise your toddler all the time with other children. Mum is happy, child is happy.

What is amazing parenting anyway?

[Starlightbright1]

Actually there is a lot to be said for a strong bond with parents helping separation but I also think she probably does mix, when she goes to the park, at the shops.

I am sure she has some friends who she will see.

[lem73]

I think you're being very judgemental about what is the best thing for a child. I made loads of effort with ds1 to have friends from about the age of 1. However he struggled to make friends at primary school. With dc3 I didn't have the inclination or time for mother and toddler groups and she didn't have any friends her own age til nursery. However she is much more confident and easy going and is popular at school.

[Siennasun]

I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time OP.
I can't see any benefit to the little girl of the mum deliberatley denying her contact with other children.
yes, toddler groups are a relatively new thing, but pre-school children have always socialised with other children. I used to play in the street everyday with neighbourhood kids long before I started school.
Most kids like playing with other kids.

[spicyfajitas]

Great post Ionone

[Lashalicious]

My ds is very social and began participating in structured play groups and preschool programs around 2 1/2-3 years old because I felt he really wanted and needed interaction with other children his age. He loved it and is very outgoing with a lot of friends. Dh and I are introverts. We are a happy family.

There are many wonderful ways to bring up a happy, well adjusted, social child and I don't think this mother you're talking about is doing anything wrong or weird or "not amazing" with her child. Every child is unique and I would trust this mother to parent her daughter the way she feels is best. It sounds as if you don't like this person to begin with and are looking for something to criticize her for. Is there an issue underlying your judging of her parenting style?

[teatowel]

It did me a lot of harm not really socialising with any other children before the age of 5. I think those saying otherwise are wrong. I know we are all different but even those children who are happier playing on their own in a nursery get the' feel 'for a social situation.

[FujimotosElixir]

4????!!!!!! Why isnt she in bloody nursery?

[NinkyNonkers]

I meant for me personally floggingmolly. Having the time and space to do our own thing, our way was priceless.

[Denimwithdenim00]

Why should she be in a nursery? It's not the law!

I hated toddler groups too. We never went. Mine are well adjusted adults now.

There's too much pressure on mums to socialise babies in my opinion.

[CaptainSwan]

Fuji are you being sarcastic? Why should she be in 'bloody nursery'?

[NinkyNonkers]

It isn't obligatory FujFujimotos, why the amazement? The free hours are entirely optional.

Neither of mine liked being away from home. The eldest started school and loved it,but still has days where home is best. The youngest is 3 and still not ready to be away from home much, we may try a we hours in Sept and see how he goes.

[Lashalicious]

You mention seeing her FB page, and that you work full time while she is with her daughter all day. Is there perhaps some resentment toward her because she chose to be a stay at home mom and is happy with her choice and her contented and happy posts on FB get on your nerves? I'm asking this because your posts and title "not amazing parenting" sound like you resent this person, instead of because you truly are fearing for the social development of this child, whom you don't really know and lives on the other side of the country. Live and let live. Be happy for your relative, it sounds like she is enjoying this time in her life of cherishing her daughter, who is only 4, and you don't have all the details of their lives, who are you to judge her?

[mrsruffallo]

If you are not close, then you may not be aware of all the facts.

[Athenaviolet]

I've been this child.

Had a horribly isolated childhood. My mother was anti-social. I was an only child. It isn't a good recipe for a well adjusted child with the social skills that are essential for life.

OP I agree with you and I'd be worried too.

[BertieBotts]

DS is seven in October and will start school in September. He's been in nursery in UK since 3 and kindergarten in Germany since 5 but it would have been perfectly legal for him to be at home until this September when he will be 6 years, 11 months, 1 week old.

I would have gone bloody mad but there you are!

And some children are home educated.

I just find this a bit of a non issue. I doubt she runs screaming home with her DD if they encounter other children in the park, yelling "UNCLEAN!". They must go to the supermarket, or the library, or the doctor's. There is nothing inherently beneficial in large groups of children. They're not harmful, either, but I don't think there's anything special about them. Children learn better from observing adults, anyway.

(I'm a bit jealous, to tell the truth. I'd love to be that connected and close with my DS.)

[morethanpotatoprints]

My children didn't go to ny groups before they started school and were absolutely fine OP.
in fact academically they were far beyond their peers, not through intention, just that they were more ready for school.
Your relative may have decided to home educate and not use school at all.
Who do you think monitors how good a parent is during the school holidays, after all nobody would be able to pick up if anything was wrong.
OP, you are talking rubbish and need to mind your own.

[Siennasun]

I'd love to spend all my time with DS but it wouldn't be in his best interests.
According to OP the mum and child spend no time apart and outside influences are feared, so I effect this child has no contact with anyone other than her mother. I'm worried for her too.
And a couple of people have suggested home ed. I've got nothing against home educating for the right reasons. To home educate a child so they never have to form relationships with other children and can continue to be totally dependant on a parent is appalling not good.

[Charley50]

Yanbu OP, humans are mainly social animals and even small children like having little playmates to watch and copy and play alongside.

[FujimotosElixir]

no im not being sarcastic she should be in nursery , 4 fgs, full time school will hot her like a brick from a plane ,shes not a tiny toddler anymore she should be socialised adequately.

[Starlightbright1]

The point is in whose view is she not been socialised adequately...there is more than one way to socialise a child. I don't believe OP knows enough about the childs routine to know how her day is spent.

[NinkyNonkers]

Since when do 4 yr olds have to be in a setting of any kind?!

[MyOneandYoni]

Sounds bloody amazing.

Unfortunately my kids had to be dragged out of their beds form babyhood to attend childcare as I have had to bleeding work for a living...

Would love to sit in my pjs all day avoiding people, but how can you do that and still eat?

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

no im not being sarcastic she should be in nursery , 4 fgs, full time school will hot her like a brick from a plane ,shes not a tiny toddler anymore she should be socialised adequately. sad

Many families do not use nursery. And many children do not go to school. Both are perfectly legal perfectly valid parenting choices

[morethanpotatoprints]

Fuji

There are plenty of parents who don't choose nursery or pre school for their children and they start school with no problems at all.
Sometimes it can be an advantage. socialisation does not only happen in a pre determined building at a set time.
We don't know that the OP's relative puts her every move on fb and the OP says she doesn't know the relative well, so is obviously assuming that the child has no outside interaction.