To ask what you would do in this situation??

[bluewhale2030]

I've had the same job for 4 years. I love it and without blowing my own trumpet think I'm pretty damn good at it. It helps that I have what I think is a supportive boss- we have a lot in common and she has been a work support for a while now.

However, I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I know it's time to move on to the next level My boss keeps insisting I hang on and wait because something will come available soon as the person in the role above me is on a formal warning.

This has been going on for months though. My personal life isn't great and I need more money so I can get my independence. But I'm torn:

On the one hand:
This is someone I have worked with since day one. I was a mess when she met me and she has helped me find my feet and realise some of what I want out of life. As I said before we have a lot in common and while I'm at work she can be very supportive.

On the other hand:
I don't know if she is manipulating me. She knows I find it difficult to trust people, and has told me things about co workers that makes me not want to trust them. Of course I'm always polite and professional- but a lot of them are openly nasty to me, she's never followed through on my complaints (sometimes quite serious- last week someone vandalised my car, must of been a co worker because nobody else can access out staff car park) and last week I did hear her say a slightly derogatory comment about me to somebody. So I think she just likes to bitch about people to whoever she can

She has given me training and responsibility above my role and has told me I can perform duties whenever required- but if I do it in front of certain staff members? I get a bollocking. I don't do it sometimes? I get a boloocking.

She knows me better than most people I know, so if I'm having a bad day she knows about it without me needing to tell her. It's part of my MH issues unfortunately.

She has always insisted she is there for me as a friend, even out of hours (her words I assure you) but if I turn to her for support I can count on one hand the amount of times she has supported me if there is no benefit for her.

I know I might sound crazy, but please keep in mind I do have MH issues and I've never jumped to conclusions IYSWIM. I'm always very careful.

She has told me she has sacrificed a lot personally to be there to support me but I honestly don't know. I have serious trust issues. She has told me to "keep waiting" but I don't know if I can much longer. But if she truly has sacrificed things for me then I don't want to let her down.

It just doesn't sound professional. My team were people I trusted and I'd support and be honest with. But there was a managerial line. She's either playing you or her boundaries are screwed.
A work reference can acceptably be impersonal from a HR dept. They need to know you did your job.

I could have written your post a few years back.

long and short of it was I never got the career progression. I was handy to do her job for her, make her look good without her having to lift a finger. Everytime I got fed up she dangled a carrot. 7 years I waited. When I went off on maternity leave I barely got a good bye. My replacement took over and not even a text to say congratulations on the birth of dd.

I made the decision not to go back based on my focus changing. She never got back in touch.

I could have been a role above her by now. I had the drive and experience. ultimately she kept me where she needed me to bridge the gaps in her own knowledge and ability. Once she found a new me I was redundant to her needs.

look after yourself because no one else will.

I too could have written this last year. I left and haven't looked back. I see now clearly it was emotional blackmail and taking advantage of my kind nature and how reliable/patient I was.