Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask someone if it was their child

27 replies

littlebillie · 13/06/2015 21:43

This afternoon as I was walking to the leisure centre a woman was dragging, the carrying, then pulling a child who was screaming to her car. I felt I should ask her it it was her child and she said she was bring very naughty and had to carry her out of a party. I watch her put her screaming in the car. I did challenge her at the time and it did seem plausible but the child was distraught. the girl was about 5/6 and seemed a bit old for such a melt down.

OP posts:
Whatthefuckhaveidone · 13/06/2015 21:55

Ywbu, but then I'm that person who's child is 'too old' for meltdowns and get questioned or comments or whispered about when she has one in public and it's annoying, distracting and detrimental to me and my dd (can you tell we had one today, with a few 'well meaning' comments from passers by)

WorraLiberty · 13/06/2015 21:58

She was hardly going to reply, "No. I'm kidnapping her" Grin

I get what you mean though, it was obviously a bit worrying for you to see.

Not all kids are NT though, so age doesn't always come into it with regards to meltdowns.

Sirzy · 13/06/2015 21:58

Because if she wasn't her parent she would have just said "no I'm not" and let her go? Hmm

DS is 5 and often has meltdowns when out as he is autistic.

BarbarianMum · 13/06/2015 21:59

Hah, in your dreams. Not even uncommon when a child is over-excited or overtired or being forcibly removed from a party

Not sure what you were hoping to achieve by asking if it was her child. If she was a child abductor, do you think she would have said "no"

SomethingFunny · 13/06/2015 21:59

Yes, YWBU- if she had been kidnapping the child and you asked her if the child was hers what do you think she would say "no, I'm kidnapping her"?!

fiveacres · 13/06/2015 22:00

I think it's a shame people are being snippy.

Most people would have ignored it.

Good on you, OP

Happyyellowcar · 13/06/2015 22:00

Well done for trying to make sure the child was ok - perfectly reasonable and to be applauded in my opinion.

fiveacres · 13/06/2015 22:00

Cross post happy

thegirlinthebed · 13/06/2015 22:02

If DS was having a tantrum in public and someone stopped to check if I was kidnapping him I wouldn't no whether to laugh or be annoyed

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 13/06/2015 22:02

Just to add that I've seen plenty of adults having meltdowns / tantrums so I wouldn't even give it thought about a child being to old for such

Whiskwarrior · 13/06/2015 22:03

DS2 still has the occasional tantrum and he's 7 in six weeks. No SEN either.

Children are all different.

SilverBirch2015 · 13/06/2015 22:10

My DS, when he was 2 or 3, completely lost it when we were queuing up in a shop. There was no reasoning with him, so I decided to take him back to car and go home. As we walked through the busy shopping centre, he was crying and shouting "where's my mummy, I want my Mummy" (I think he meant where's not cross Mummy!). I was mortified, but not one person stopped us to check I was not abducting him, this was only a few years after Jamie Bulger was taken, so I was pretty surprised.

Well done OP for being concerned enough to say something.

hazeyjane · 13/06/2015 22:12

i have had to carry ds screaming and thrashing around like a rabid dolphin, he is 5, i would be mortified if someone asked him if he was mine! although if i was feeling calm enough, i might answer, 'yes, but he's yours for 50p'

Happyyellowcar · 13/06/2015 22:12

Think posters are jumping on the "seemed a bit old for a meltdown" line and rather missing the point. Imagine if you heard later a child had been abducted and you had just ignored it? Who knows what the potential abductor would have said on being challenged? Maybe something would have just not seemed right to the OP and she might have called the police? Who knows? Certainly if you just bury your head and don't get involved then you would never even have the chance to do some good. I wish more people would take action. My DS1 is 5 and capable of working himself up into a frenzy but I hope I wouldn't take offence if someone tried to check he was ok as I dragged him away!

fiveacres · 13/06/2015 22:13

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westley_Allan_Dodd

This man kidnapped a child from a cinema and was about to walk out with him - the child was screaming and crying and Dodd said that he was having a tantrum.

Thank God someone took his number plates. The man had already killed three little boys.

Yes, I KNOW the chances of that are so, so remote as to be completely unlikely any of us will ever come across it in a lifetime but it doesn't make it a joke or mean that we can't show concern for children. Does it?

SomethingFunny · 13/06/2015 22:40

But the OP didn't do something like take the number plate and go and check with the party that someone hadn't just abducted a child. She asked the person doing the "abducting" and then let them leave without doing anything sensible. The point is the asking is pointless.

Like the American immigration form: are you a terrorist?

fiveacres · 13/06/2015 22:42

No, but she did something. She showed concern and she asked. Oh, it's so easy to sneer and jeer now but she did more than I'd have done, I bet.

I say again - good on her. I watched a man hit a child once - I mean a proper thump, not a smack on the bottom or legs - and I was so shocked I didn't say anything. Still feel rubbish about that.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 13/06/2015 22:48

I could be that mum. My four year old still sometimes has tantrums like that.

Dh and I both agree that if someone ever asks us if we're kidnapping him then all we have to do is tell them to ask ds himself... and watch him cling to us because a stranger is talking to him and he's shy! At least it might stop the tantrum.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 13/06/2015 22:51

Oh fuck I remember that horrible murder

In general we should call each other out and reach out (whoa having an American day today)

Yanbu op

Original poster
littlebillie · 13/06/2015 23:03

I felt awful asking, she seemed resigned to a screaming child and seemed to understand.. I live in a city where we have had spells of attempted child abductions. These people are chancers.

I wouldn't be offended if I was in the same position.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/06/2015 23:11

I wouldn't be offended either, just completely bemused at the question.

I think the only sensible thing to do in that situation, is note down the car details.

hibbledibble · 14/06/2015 00:00

Dd is nearly 5 and can have melt downs that last several hours, including screaming, fist beating, lying on floor, hitting me etc. She looks at least 6 years old.

I'm Sad that I have this to look forward to.

pookamoo · 14/06/2015 00:05

I wouldn't be offended if you'd asked me, I would have been pleased.

There have been times I (or DH) have been carrying a screaming DD under one arm / over my shoulder and we have never ever been challenged.

I suppose you could have checked inside the leisure centre with the party. If you'd asked them, it would have given the child a chance to say "she's not my mum" and then you would have double checked.

Definitely YANBU.

UterusUterusGhali · 14/06/2015 00:15

YANBU.

If I were that diligent I might just have asked of they were ok and gauged reaction.

I know kids have meltdowns. I know not all children are the same. And tbh I would have ignored.

But if a child had been abducted there would be so many "why did nobody challenge them?" comments.

DeeWe · 14/06/2015 00:17

I would say fine to challenge, rather silly question.

As a student I was once asked "is this debit card yours".
I was about to reply, "no the little old man on the corner obligingly gave it me"
When I realised he was serious, so replied. "yes, it's definitely mine."

Which of course is exactly what someone who'd taken it from a little old man on the corner would say.