to have not realised this man would never rtr

[idokidok13]

'D'P once filmed me on his phone when we were having sex (and I was pregnant) without be knowing, until I saw it on his phone after he left it up on the screen. Apparently he knew i would say no and it's something he wanted to do so just didnt ask me. I feel violated and kind of like he took my right to decide if im in a fucking porn video or nor away. We'd been together probablg about 10 months then. Hes saying that he now thinks this what wrong.This was 2 years ago but since then he's lies to me a lot about stupid things and not been very helpful, nice or understanding when DS was born etc
I should have just ditched him then and there shouldn't I?? I mean he proved he's willing to do things that I wouldn't like with behind my back basically and thinks that's ok.
or am I overreacting? I think I kinda underreacted because I was pregnant and freaking our at the time but he thinks im basically being mental to bring it up but I can't forget it

Title is supposed to be '...would never treat me with respect'

LTB and report him to the Police.

Seriously

It just freaks me out, TMI I know but it was doggy and he picked up his phone to film and i couldn't see because he was behind me. Makes mw feel kinda like an idiot, there i was, pregnant and vulnerable mid sex and he was taking advantage of me being trusting i guess is how it feels. Just gross.

Now people are going to think im one of those weird sex pest trolls. I'm not. Its just the details felt necessary to explain how much of an idiot i feel that he was doing that and I had no idea.

You're not over reacting. You should have ditched him them.

Utterly disrespectful.

God, that's vile. you are certainly not over-reacting. What a pig he is. I trust the video has been deleted.

And yes, you need to get rid of him.

You feel violated because you have been violated. You are not over reacting. It sounds like you fell into a long term relationship with this man because you found yourself pregnant, not because you liked, loved and cared for each other. You don't have to stay with him just because you have a child together, especially as he's showing you very clearly what sort of person he is and how he feels about you.

Not much point reporting him to the police ot was eleted along time ago and he has a different phone now so no proof. Plus I don't think he realised it was that wrong at the time? I dunno. Is it even illegal? I thought it was only illegal to put it on the internet?
So confusing because sometimes he seems so nice!

He knew you would not consent, so of course he realised it was wrong.

He violated you, and he was happy to do so. You should kick him into the long grass.

I don't want to scaremonger, but can you really be sure that the video has been deleted? It may not make any difference that he now has a different phone. These days things are often stored off-site in cloud storage, so are available from any device the owner signs into. I do hope you are right though, and it has been deleted.

He is no good, OP, and you deserve better.

Please trust your instinct on this: a man who films you having sex without your consent is seriously not worth your time, trust or love.

Yes it's illegal. He did it without your consent. Not sure what the actual crime is but it will be against the law for sure.

I can't believe I've wasted 3 years of my life with someone whose never has respect for me and its my fault because ir should have been so obvious :(
It really, really hurts that im not worth being treated nicely. Not just with this, with loads of things. Apparently because he had seen topleaa photos of me on my laptop (that I took myself, for an ex, which is a totally normal thing to do) he thought it would be fine!? So he thinks im a whore basically.
The man I loved and trusted and who is fjr father of my child has never liked me and thought/thinks im a whore.
Wtf. This is the first proper relationship I've had and I don't know what to feel

It wouldn't make you a whore if you did agree to the video, but the point is you did not.
Are you certain the video has gone?
Could he have backed it up to a computer?
Is it an iphone? Icloud storage? Saved on another phone?
You should dump.
If he still does not realise what he did was wrong he never will.

Wtf. This is the first proper relationship I've had and I don't know what to feel
I think quite a lot of people take a few relationships to establish how well they deserve to be treated. This video issue needs to be dealt with if possible and if you want to (police etc if there is likely to be proof around, and if that's a route you want to go down), but otherwise you need to dump this guy and move on. Make room for someone who'll respect you. Maybe do the Freedom Programme.

By the way - ignorance is not a defence in law. Not that he was ignorant - he did it behind your back because he knew you wouldn't consent.

Filming you without your consent is vile.
His justification is vile: you took photos of yourself for one man so another man is allowed to film you having sex without your consent?

I think your comment "sometimes he seems so nice" is important. Any partner of yours needs to do better than "sometimes" and "seem". Particularly when at other times his behaviour is sexually abusive and downright illegal.

He is a vile cunt. You deserve so much better.

What are you going to do?

Posting revenge porn is a crime now, not that that is any consolation when you're all over the Internet .

I would report it to the police, and I don't say that lightly at all. It might be that he's done this to many women before you.

You need to ditch him, for the sake of your physical and mental health and the wellbeing of your child.

I'm sorry this happened to you, please don't blame yourself.

I just feel a bit like a dick being so mad about it now, cause it happened years ago but I somehow forgot, I thought he just started treating me with no respect and being selfish after DS was born (first day back from hospital so 3 days later, he drove me and ds home then fucked off to his mothers house for the afternoon/night because he was 'soooooo tored' and needed sleep. Ffs. Would wake me up and shout ar me on the odd occasion that he did do a night with DS etc) he was freaked out and overwhelmed etc but he's always been like this because this was before DS, so I think he is just a bit of a twat.
Apparnetly I violate his trust "all the time" by talking yo people about our issues. By "people" he means my one friend who lives miles away now and occaisonally online but no one k one who he is and I just dint see how thats the same. he doesn't know this username btw
its just hard because I want a nice family and another baby and I know its probably never going to be nice with him.

Oh I know agreeing to it wouldn't have made me a whore, im not judging anyone or anything! What I meant was, he was treating me like a whore/someone just there for his sexual pleasure and not a person. He even said he probably had no respect for me as a person at that time, am I right in thinking that if he had no respect for me he shouldn't have put his penis in me and should have fucked off.

Do you have access to his phone/pc/laptop? If I were you before you LTB I would do a sweep and get rid of anything he has of you over a few days, then pack your bags and go to a safe place for a bit. Do you have somewhere to go temporarily? He sounds awful and really creepy

Have the police on hand to, they might be able to seize his computer/ mobile. You did not give consent for this video to be made.

Its an old phone, we don't live together any more (he did something else a while back and I aksed him to move out, we were still togther though. a real keeper this one ffs) so I can't check his stuff for it, I do think its been deleted but he could have saved it an an SD card and actually probably did but how would I know, I did believe that he'd deleted it but I need to stop beleiving things he says because he's obviously not a trust worthy person

I don't think he is no.
You deserve better x

You shouldn't blame yourself for not being ready to face up to what he'd done, and the consequences, at the time.
You're stronger now. You can do what you have to do.