Me or DH being U?

[namechangedincase23]

Last night was DHs birthday. We had a nice day went out for a lovely meal. All good.

After the meal we went to get a film from Sky Box office, but there was a problem and I had to call Sky.

Much drink had been taken by this point

I rang Sky and the man in the call centre had a very sexy Scottish accent. I was a bit giggly and a bit flirty in my tone. DH was right next to me and it was on speaker. I didnt say anything inappropriate and just thought it was a bit funny.

Then DH punched me really hard on the leg. I have a bruise and it hurts to walk on.

I went to bed after he punched me.

This morning he is not speaking to me. He has grumpliy apologised when pushed but said I was out of order and he's now glaring and not speaking.

Who is being U? I am really upset that he hit me and that he is tryongt to carry on a row when I am prepared to let it go and have apologised for being a dick when on the phone to Sky

[EeyoresTail]

How long has the jealousy been going on for? Has he been violent before? How does he feel about you going out with friends?

[DownWithThisTypeOfThing]

He's saying it's all my fault and making me out to be in the wrong and is just sitting there angry. I've apologised but he's say things like "If you're like that when I'm there what are you like when I'm not"

Fucking hell, run for the hills. Punches you then makes it your fault.

Peggy you're talking out of your arse. I have never seen a thread where a woman is praised for slapping a man. And I suspect if there was even was such a single post on a thread other posters would have called it out.

[InexperiencedDisneyMum]

You were both unreasonable.

He should never ever hit you.

You disrespected him by flirting on the phone.

[Fatmomma99]

Hi

I posted very early in this thread, but since been thinking about it some more so have come back.

I can actually understand why your DH was cross last night (esp after a drink), because it was his birthday and therefore his special day.

Having said that, I stand by what I said in my original post, which is that it's never acceptable to use your physicality against someone else.

And having read all the comments that have come up since my posting, I'm really bothered that you had sex this morning and he's got angry again afterwards (assuming the sex was tender/loving and not angry sex [rape???].

Like others, there are red flags going up for me too. Agree with a pp who said "what would you be advising your best friend right now"?

I'm also now wondering if he has ever bruised you before?

Look after yourself, and take care, OP.

[Getthewonderwebout]

Whether this was the first time he has hit you or not, it won't be the last and that needs to be your focus.

He's a nasty cunt.

[Athenaviolet]

What worries me more isn't the domestic violence he is guilty of bit your minimising attitude.

You sound like a beaten down women psychologically which is very dangerous.

[AyeAmarok]

You were disrespectful, you shouldn't have been flooring with another man on the phone. How would you feel if your DH did that to you?

But he shouldn't have it you.

And why did you have sex this morning?

Al in all, sounds like a very disfunctional relationship.

[ttc2015]

He is being unreasonable. Whether or not you are flirting is irrelevant. If your husband was irritated by flirting he should say, you should row and apologise.

Instead he hit you hard enough to bruise and is now minimising it.

Next time he is in the pub, if he happens to say something someone else finds annoying, upsetting or irritating, are they welcome to punch him? Is that allowed? Or is it different because it's you?

Honestly this is a massive red flag. First the punching, then the minimising.

Do you normally have sex with him when you are argue or he upsets you just to make things back to normal? Because that's just as big a red flag OP. I suggest you archive this thread somewhere OP and come back to it when he hits you again, and he will hit you again.

[Icimoi]

Take a photo of the bruise, making sure the date is recorded.

Sit down with him, tell him that this was a serious criminal assault and that there is nothing whatsoever which could justify it. Tell him to snap right out of his sulk and realise that what he has done is the action of a total arsehole and that he needs to apologise abjectly And tell him that if there is one single repetition that is the end of your marriage and you will be asking the police to prosecute.

And if he won't accept that he was in the wrong, go to the police anyway.

[chickenfuckingpox]

you said you were a bit flirty with your tone and giggly that does not sound like you are actually flirting your trying to justify his actions you were drunk and drunk people tend to giggle and laugh

you need womans aid what he did was wrong

[googoodolly]

He's abusive, OP. Nice people don't hit their partners, no matter what they might have done.

[LobsterQuadrille]

I had an ex exactly like this. He would become uncontrollably jealous if I had attention from another man, and I learned not to look as if my behaviour could be in any way interpreted as encouraging. One of the signs of his jealousy was that he would want sex as soon afterwards as possible. It was as if he was re-establishing ownership over his "property". He was hideously controlling and had a violent temper but it took me a long time to realise how truly abusive the relationship was, and I was ashamed to admit this to anyone because I felt that it made me a failure and not the strong, independent woman that my friends/family saw me as. Admitting it after I'd finally had enough was a massive relief.

Has he hit you before, OP?

[nilbyname]

Oh and peggy have one of these for your misogynistic, victim blaming attitude.

Violence is always wrong. Shame on you, what if if was your dd that got punched?

[clam]

You had SEX with him???

[Ledkr]

peggy
You are a massive twat.
HTH

[BlackeyedSusan]

ouch, that hurts.

now is the time to plan to leave and do it. do not minimise, do not think it is a one off. you may end up getting punched many more times... if only I had had mumsnet back then

once he has done it once, it breaks the taboo and he is likely to do it again.

has he been aggressive before? pushing? blocking your exit from rooms, grabbing by the wrist and not letting go? stopping you going to deal with the children?

[Ledkr]

The op is not answering questions as to his previous violence so Id assume that this has happened before and will almost certainly happen again.

[IUseAnyName]

Ltb

[Oldraver]

Hasn't OP said ..."Yes. He has huge jealousy issues"....I thought that was in respons to..has he hit you before ?

[Ledkr]

That's not an answer tho is it?

[LovelyFriend]

Why was your call to Sky on speakerphone?

Op many people have asked it he has been violent to you before - maybe I missed your answer, but I haven't see you reply to those question. It may paint a bigger picture.

[BeenWondering]

So if I follow correctly:

He hits you hard enough to leave a bruise. The following morning you have 'affectionate' sex. He then becomes grumpy and you're now hoping that 'everything will be ok.'

The mind truly, truly boggles. I do worry for you. Boiling frog and all that.

[Athenaviolet]

Do you have DCs?

You really aren't safe.

This level of violence will only escalate. It sounds like violence has been normalised for you. I don't think you are able to properly assess the situation.

Contact women's aid and have a private chat with someone.

It is a huge mental leap to go from thinking you have a normal relationship to a bunch of strangers online telling you you are being abused. You may not be ready to hear that. But it's true and if you ignore it and hope it will go away you could end up a '2 a week' statistic. (The number of women in the UK murdered by their partners or exes)

The recent bbc3 drama 'murdered by my boyfriend' was good to watch and you may find something like that helpful.

[Gilrack]

Blimey, I've been with some right controlling weirdos but none of them went all cross & violent when I giggled a bit over the phone! Not even cross, actually. You were tiddly and giggled. You were on the phone. You didn't even say anything inappropriate.

Is there one particular approved manner of speaking to strangers on the phone? Would it be normal for a partner to demand this?

He is completely, utterly, insanely out of order. Punching you was physical abuse. Please don't normalise this or start worrying about how to bring him round - he is wrong and you deserve better! Ignore Peggy, obviously.