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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let 4yr old DD get her hair cut

31 replies

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 12/06/2015 22:34

DD has gorgeous hair,long blonde curls that look just a little bit boho.....but she's been saying for ages now that she wants her hair cut short

I had long hair as a child, didn't like it, and hated that my DM wouldn't let me cut it to shoulder length till I was about 14

So I say let her get her hair cut, it's only hair, it'll grow back and she'll always be gorgeous to me

But DH says no way, she can have a trim and that's it

So AIBU to say it's her hair and if she wants it cut its not a big deal?

OP posts:
LashesandLipstick · 12/06/2015 22:35

No. Your husband is - why the hell would he say a child can't have a haircut?!

morelikeguidelines · 12/06/2015 22:37

No YANBU. As long as she is sure that is what she wants. Even if she doesn't like it it will grow back.

Your DH is being very U. Little girls are not dolls to dress up.

CamelHump · 12/06/2015 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadauntofA · 12/06/2015 22:39

I wouldn't let a 4yr old decide. If you think it needs cutting then get it cut. It isn't a big deal though, hair is hair! If you need to convince DH then tell him it will strengthen and thicken then she will have beautiful long thick hair when she is older. My DM was the same and didn't speak to me for 2 days when I disappeared with my friend and cut my hair to shoulder length at 14!

crazykat · 12/06/2015 22:44

I'd let her get it cut, it's her hair after all. It's a pet peeve of mine when parents make their children have long hair even though the child asks for it short. I've always let my dcs decide how their hair is as long as it's not too extreme, so far ds has stuck to a short back and sides and dd alternates between letting it grow and a shoulder length bob.

If you do get it cut short I wouldn't get too much taken off at once as curly hair tends to spring up when there's not so much weight holding it down. Two inches cut off can make it four inches shorter when it's dry and the curls spring up. My hair is wavy when it's half way down my back but when I got it cut to just below my shoulders it changed to corkscrew curls to just below my jaw as it dried which would have been a shock if I wasn't expecting it.

Twistedheartache · 12/06/2015 22:50

I had mine cut really really (boy) for my fifth birthday because I had long curly hair that was constantly tangled & caused so many arguments.
I hated it & started growing it the next day.
How short is short? I would suggest an inbetween length as a compromise but Def let her cut it if she wants

Fluffyears · 12/06/2015 22:55

How does cutting hair thicken and strengthen it? I had mine cut off and it's still very fine now. It's nothing to with cutting it it's to do with genetics and hair type. I inherited my mums poker straight fine hair.

wtfisgoingonhere · 12/06/2015 22:57

I say explain to her the concept of it not growing back for a long time and if she is happy with that then go ahead. If she's been asking a while. .. . Worst case she doesn't like it, it WILL grown back

Maybe but it shorter in stages as pp suggested so she gets used yo it?

FeelingSmurfy · 12/06/2015 22:58

I would let her do it but would do it in two stages as she is only 4 and it will be a big change for her, get half the amount she wants off then leave it for a week or two and if she still wants to so it then go for it

This may also give her dad times to get used to it without a huge shock

wtfisgoingonhere · 12/06/2015 22:58

Sorry *cut it

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/06/2015 23:01

Let her get it cut. DD at 4 wants long hair. I let her. She's the one that sits through getting it combed.

I wonder about Dads who want their girls to have long hair. Smacks of princessy bollocks to me.

AlpacaMyBags · 12/06/2015 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ninaaa · 13/06/2015 00:40

Let her get it cut, she is old enough to express an opinion.

Just make sure when you consider final length how easy it will be to maintain. Either make sure it is still long enough to tie back, or very short so it doesn't get in the way all the time.

Tequilashotfor1 · 13/06/2015 00:42

I wouldn't let a four year old decide either.

My best mates mum had her hair done for her birthday - how she asked for it and she hated it!! Cried for bloody days and wouldn't leave the house. She is pushing 60 FFS !

I'd keep it long so it's easier to manage for school

KanyesVest · 13/06/2015 00:45

I'm a bit torn on this. I got my very long hair cut into a pixie last year. DD, then 4 really wanted the same but I knew she'd hate it when it was done because she also loves her plaits and being able to tie it out of the way for playing. I cut hers to just below her shoulders as a compromise. Glad I did as yesterday she ordered me to "get your hair long again, Mama, I like to rub it." That told me...

blueBooby · 13/06/2015 00:45

I've seen a few threads recently where parents were asking if they should let their daughter get her hair cut. I never realised this was such a thing.

I've noticed most girls these days have extremely long hair, if your dd wants to break the mould then let her. I think your husband is odd for not wanting her to, would he like it if he was forced to have long hair? He realises that she is a human being not a decoration, right?

RonaldMcDonald · 13/06/2015 00:46

It is her hair let her make her own choices regarding it

LucyBabs · 13/06/2015 00:51

Maybe op husband isn't insisting its kept long maybe as my dp he said "ah but she's had her hair long for awhile I can't imagine her with short hair maybe just a trim first" I think op husband is getting a hard time. Also the child is only four, still a baby really.

Sorry lots of maybes there Blush

Tequilashotfor1 · 13/06/2015 09:57

She's four Confused

I teach four year olds and they get devastated over the silliest of things. So having all her hair chopped it's quite a impact. It won't grow back overnight - try explaining that to a four year old that just wants her hair back.

In fact there was a tbread in here a couple of months ago when a 14 year old girl had hers cut short and was refusing to see her friends or go to school because she hated it.

I wouldn't let my four year old choose such a big thing. She is hardly going to have really thought it threw.

Compromise and go half way

bigTillyMint · 13/06/2015 10:03

OP, I don't see any problem with letting her have it cut, but you will need to make sure she really, really knows that once it's cut, she can't just grow it back long in a day or two. At 4, that could be hard to grasp.

When DD was 4, her beloved class teacher had her hair cut short and the girls started copying it. DD wanted to have hers cut and we let her (why not?) - she looked really sweet.

Now, aged nearly 16 (with waist-length hair) she says she wishes we hadn't let her as she didn't like it, despite it being her that wanted it cut in the first place. She has never had it short since!

Mayor · 13/06/2015 10:30

I've always let my DDs decide whether they want their hair longer or shorter - one currently has longer as she doesn't mind the brushing and plaiting. The other hates her hair being fiddled with so has it in a short bob. She chooses to grow it a bit then when she wants it shorter again I let her. It's her hair and it grows back! My mum always insisted I had long hair (was really precious about it - oh what about your lovely hair etc) and I really wanted to have it cut and in different styles. I think maybe the most important thing is being positive and not focusing on appearance too much - I tell my girls they are strong and clever and can still run and play no matter what their hair is like!

budgiegirl · 13/06/2015 13:04

If she wants it cut, let her. I've always let my DCs (boys and girls) choose their hairstyles from an early age, as long as it wasn't anything too outrageous!

I do think though that it might be a good idea to cut it in stages, maybe initially a bit longer than she wants. Then, if after a few weeks she is still wanting it shorter, you can get it cut again.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/06/2015 13:10

Let her get it cut. My Mother was nothing short of wicked when it came to my hair. When I was little I was desparate for it to be long - so once when I was naughty she sat me on a stool, got a pair of scissors and was about to cut it short when my Dad came in and she stopped.

Then, in my early teenage years she grounded me because I got it cut short.

So I have always let my kids decide what they want to do with their hair - the schools put some restricitons on this so they never went too wiild, apart from DD dying DS's cropped hair blonde once.

Micah · 13/06/2015 13:10

Let her. Show her some pictures so she has a proper idea of what it will be like.

As someone who's mum dictated hairstyle and clothes, I strongly believe children should be allowed to experiment with how they look. They'll learn looking perfect all the time and fitting in with others ideas isn't the be all and end all.

It also gives them a measure of control over their own lives and decisions.

octarine · 13/06/2015 13:35

Cut and maybe donate the hair to charity?

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