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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peed off with DH re work

40 replies

bubblypop · 12/06/2015 17:53

DH has form for refusing to discuss or talk about things if he doesn't want to. He'll just stonewall or change the subject. Thought I'd say that first.

About 8 months ago DH randomly decided to take voluntary redundancy at work as he wanted to work for himself. He is a specialist skilled tradesman and so it is a field he could work for himself in. This was solely his decision.

He had a couple of months of living off the redundancy pay and savings, and then did a few months' work for a friend who owns a business, which has now stopped. And he doesn't seem to have made any effort at all to find other work. I have suggested ways in which he could find work and offered to help him but he has all these conditions of places he refuses to work and certain things he refuses to do. He keeps saying he wants to "make a lot of money" but won't actually do anything! And we are fast running out of savings! He also refuses to job hunt as he wants to work for himself.

I work, and can and indeed have increased my hours but my earning capacity is nowhere near the earnings that he was earning previously. He also will not curb his spending and has in fact today bought a £500 bike!

I just a) resent being in an uncertain situation and b) resent the fact that he won't even talk about it.

I don't think he is depressed.

OP posts:
maddening · 16/06/2015 22:24

tell him he has missed the boat for starting his own business - he should have done that when he had the redundancy money but he chose to prat around, piss it away and is still doing that to family savings when he knows clear well that before Christmas he is not going to be able to buy food let alone presents. he has a duty to save that £500 for the food and bills he won't be able to pay not buying an expensive bike! he needs a stern word.

OVienna · 16/06/2015 22:26

What solid said. I cannot even describe what I'd be saying and doing if this wet my DH but he is most certainly behaving like an overgrown adolescent and cock lodger.

OhEmGeee · 16/06/2015 23:59

I'd bet he'd listen if you told him you were selling his bike.

He sounds immature and selfish. What does he expect you to live off? Thin air?

Original poster
bubblypop · 17/06/2015 15:40

I think it's going to get to the stage where our relationship is over if he carries on like it tbh.

OP posts:
WorkingBling · 17/06/2015 15:44

I can't get my head around this. He's just doing nothing, you've increased your hours, and you are going to run out of money? I agree with everyone else, if he won't talk, you need to act. I'd be leaving him a note before work tomorrow in which I tell him either we discuss how we're going to manage finances, or I'll be asking him to leave. This is unbelievable.

LurkingHusband · 17/06/2015 15:45

I think it's going to get to the stage where our relationship is over if he carries on like it tbh.

If your DH is making life-changing decisions without your input, I would suggest you're further down that road than you think Sad.

YouMeddlingKids · 17/06/2015 15:48

How is he with you and the kids otherwise? It almost sounds like he's checked out of having any responsibility at all, and is just going to keep his head down until you get fed up and kick him out.

Original poster
bubblypop · 17/06/2015 15:50

Yes that sums up exactly how I feel, like he's checked out of responsibility!

He's ok with the kids and I. He's always been quite selfish and a bit moody at times so this is still the same. He's not pulling his weight very much at the moment and seems to want to do his own thing instead.

OP posts:
Tequilashotfor1 · 17/06/2015 15:53

Yes to solid

Then if he refuses to still take I'd take action

tumsup · 17/06/2015 16:07

Working for a small family business I think you need a lot of self drive to be self employed and earn a decent living. It takes more hours than a similar post being employed. For us we have work in place three months ahead to guarantee our earnings. A lot of the admin/marketing/accounting is done evenings and weekends with the actual work being done in office hours.

Where do you go from here though? I think somehow you have to persuade him to either get a job or get his act together fast. If he's around 50 in age though, I think dh's motivation for work is at an all time low. The thought of 20 more years of the same is a bit soul destroying for him.

Original poster
bubblypop · 17/06/2015 16:09

He's 33

OP posts:
Sconejamcream · 17/06/2015 16:13

tell him if he doesn't sort himself out you and the kids will be selling the house and moving - without him. He's a selfish ignorant immature twat.

HeyDuggee · 17/06/2015 16:37

When you say move house, do you mean rent?

If so, there's not much he can do to stop you can he. He has no income so credit rating will be based on your salary. If you give notice on the tenancy, he can decide to stay and pay the rent himself out of his non existent salary.

I think it's time to put a stop to the joint account - if he's spending stupid money on toys and eating up family savings, he is irresponsible with money. I wouldn't give all of my salary to someone who is that irresponsible with money.

DontOpenDeadInside · 17/06/2015 17:17

Not sure what he's trained in, but dp went self employed a few years back. Started small by just advertising on yell.com and thompson local (both free) and now he's doing really well. In fact, might have to start refusing work.
Its really easy to register as s/e online.

YouMeddlingKids · 17/06/2015 17:36

So selfish, moody, only interested in doing his own thing and trying to provoke you into kicking him out by refusing to contribute to family life? Sorry OP, that sucks Sad

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