to think a 6 month old isn't going to be independent just yet?

[microferret]

Bit of background - my dad is a really lovely man and has been a great father BUT in the years since he retired (from a job as a much-loved GP) he has become increasingly hard work. By his own admission he misses having his opinion listened to and unquestioningly accepted, and as a result he is always dishing out unwanted parenting advice to me. He insists I feed the baby too much (I bf on demand), that I should feed her on a four-hour schedule, that it's time to wean her now, that my DH should be bottle feeding her, that she should be becoming independent, that I should leave her to cry etc The first time he suggested I leave her to cry ("it's what she needs") she was only 10 bloody days old.

Yesterday I was feeling a bit tired and frustrated as I sleep lightly now that I have a baby, and she's going through a fussy phase, so I decided to skype my parents to break up the day. As soon as I mentioned how I was feeling my Dad launched straight into the aforementioned unsolicited advice. He also kept suggesting that the reason the baby is a bit clingy right now is that we pay her too much attention (we use the AP parenting style as it feels natural to us). The rational part of me knows that's bollocks as she's still so tiny, but I'd still like to know if others feel it is normal to have a baby who needs constant entertainment and company at 6 months. The way my dad goes on it sounds as if I should be expecting her to be applying for a credit card and taking herself to the theatre by now. AIBU to think he has forgotten what tiny babies are actually like?

thanks all, so much solid, reassuring advice here and so many perceptive comments about his doctor-knows-best attitude. I've previously addressed the issue of depression with Dad - he is now on sertraline, which I think is helping, but doesn't seem to have realised yet that he also needs to take an active role in modifying his behaviour too. He's had several fallouts with other family members too so I do know it's not personal... But it's still hard to be magnanimous when he's implying I'm doing it all wrong!

I do feel much better now though, thanks again

It's really hard, I was knocked a bit for six by my MIL. Her advice was 100% well meaning and totally trying to be helpful but not really what I wanted to hear at the time. She was bringing some of her own parenting baggage to the fore.

I've found it very helpful to not mention any issues to them. A breezy 'yes, everything's fine' soon stopped the advice. Even if it wasn't true, I knew who to confide in for helpful advice and would chat to them. I also got very good at simply saying 'thanks for that [advice], we'll bear it in mind'.

Now DD is much older and I'm in a much more confident parenting place, so am happy to be really honest with them about things and sometimes do take on board their advice. Or sometimes, we've had to be very blunt with them about what they say around DD (she's an August baby and MIL would often say things about how behind she'll be at school etc, within DD's earshot). We had to nip that in the bud.

DD was quite clingy around the 6mo mark but it was just a phase. We also did a bit of AP and didn't leave her to cry unless I was in the loo or something. She's now a very confident 5yo, so it does get better

I think after the remark about leaving his grandchild to cry at 10 days old I would take your dad's advice with a pinch of salt.

He will have a store of useful knowledge and only has the best of intentions you just have to sieve out the stuff you don't agree on.

Btw a fussy phase at present could be her starting teething.

My Dad has been telling me to "cut the apron strings" with DS since he was about 2.
As Dad is over 80 I mumble something non-committal and redirect the conversation.

What you describe sounds pretty normal to me. Both of my children at 6 months went through clingy phases. Neither slept through the night until they were 20 months (so my lovely MIL telling me my DH slept through the night at 6 weeks repeatedly was really helpful...). I've always done quite a lot in the 'attachment' way. And - I'm a GP! God help me if I start giving unsolicited advice like that when I retire! It sounds to me like you have great insight into why your father says the things he does, I always tell new mums to put on a filter when listening to the advice of others (even my advice) and to take what they find useful and discard the rest.

He sounds like he needs to feel needed / useful. I'd fake or exaggerate a problem that you don't really need his help with - or even one that you do! Focus his attention on that - so if he mentions it again you can just say 'actually, there was something I wanted to ask you about. What's the best way to x?'

If he's anything like my dad he'll be delighted to have been asked. And remember, you don't have to take his advice ;)

Clearly you and your dad parent differently. You seem to have turned out OK so his way cant be bad.

Why not just not talk about these things with him? Maybe he is sick of baby talk