to prefer to be alone with my kids?

[suddenlycupishalffull]

Just that really...I'm a SAHM with boys not yet 4 & 18 months. We moved to a rural area less than a year ago & are settling in well, DS1 goes to pre-school a few days a week. DS2 does playgroup & a little class. The rest of the time we do days out, home days reading, baking, playing, park etc, probably see family once a week (they don't live near). I'll admit I'm an introvert & much happier in my own company so I feel so out of step with everyone else - almost all of my friends spend time with other people - constantly. So they'll collect kids from half day at nursery, have a lunchtime play date then a play date in the afternoon. It's normal for them to have 2 play dates in a day, every day. I find play dates, esp when you at someone's house rather than meeting in the park etc, really stressful. Most of my friends have 2 or 3 kids under 4, and when 3 or 4 friends meet up in someone's house I find that many kids all in one space really stressful. DH is a complete extrovert & at the weekends DSs get taken friends houses with kids, so I feel they are getting that interaction...But for me, I don't enjoy it & just don't think it's necessary, esp when eldest goes to pre-school....what's wrong with being on your own with your kids & giving them some one to one, just playing etc? I suppose I feel like culture at the moment values extroverts & I feel like I'm letting my kids down if I'm not zotting about seeing friends all the time :(

Who do you think is judging you?

I don't know really, I just feel so out of step with everyone else, do you know what I mean? I'm stood there at the school gate thinking 'oh god should I be doing this too? Are my kids going to be left out if we don't go round for tea once a week?!'

I like some company but loved to hang out with my kids on my own. A lot of play dates are way too long for me.

My DC are young adults now and are still really close to each other, I like to think it's partly because they used to hang out together a lot as kids. They all had friends at school but I thought it was nice for them to have time at home where they just played.

My kids are close in age which helps.

The ASD suggestion is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. It sounds like Athena may be the one who struggles to know how to relate to other people. It either an extremely ignorant post or an extremely nasty post - I'm not sure which is worse.

OP, just wait until the kids are a bit older and everyone's kids are doing a million extra curricular activities. My kids were very unusual in that that usually only one or two activities where some of their friends were scheduled up to their eyeballs every evening. it depends what the kids enjoy but mine liked not being too scheduled.

I am exactly the same as you OP.

I think that children are over stimulated these days anyway. Why do we need to always be sure they are entertained. Children need to know what its like to spend time alone playing.

I like things calm at home. Our house is calm and this is why one of dd's friends likes coming over here. Her home is loud and shouty and always busy with people in and out constantly.

I am not really a fan of too many play dates. The dc see their friends every day at school, and there are usually school events and sports events on Saturdays too. They do play over at each others, but its something like a once a month thing.

Don't get me started on sleep overs. I don't deal with those well.....

But that sounds more like you judging yourself against other people than anyone else judging you! I have friends who are at all different ends of the scale. One friend is as you describe, play dates every day etc. I know this is because she struggles on her own with three pre schoolers all day! Others don't do much at all. Most fall somewhere in the middle. I've never heard any passing comment on what others do. I would struggle with constant groups and play dates, equally I would struggle with nothing. I think you need to go easy on yourself! I think there is probably much less judging going on than you're imagining.

I think it depends on the personality of the dc too, though. I'm an introvert and would be delighted if ds 18 mo liked pootling about at home, but it drives him quite literally up the wall. We were home for an hour this morn with no plans, I tried engaging him in play or suggesting things he could entertain himself with - he started banging everything in reach, climbing bookcases, chucking stuff around in frustration. He hates being cooped up. So I try to do a playgroup or similar during the morning and then a trip out or play date in the afternoon, and that works much better to keep ds engaged and happy. I am utterly exhausted by constantly being on the go, but it's just the way it is at the moment.

I think it sounds like you have a good balance.

suddenlycupishalffull I hope some of the responses have made you feel more confident in spending your days with your DC the way that suits you. Sometimes it's not that others are judging us, but that we start questioning ourselves if we are doing things differently to most others that we know. It sounds to me like both you and your DCs are happy so I say don't worry
I don't like all the playdates and chatting - just not really my thing...although it took me a while to realise this. I found a 'middle ground' which both I and DC were happy with. I'd take them to things like story time at the library or arty time at the art gallery - they'd get to mix with children, I'd get to talk to adults but we could leave whenever we wanted and there wasn't any expectations on us. Plus I think it's nice for children to spend time with their parents on their own - it's such a small window of time. Do what you think is right for you and your DCs, and you'll all be happy.

....extra-curricular activities?!...sleepovers?!....faints Hoggle DS2 is the same, has a lot of energy to burn off so we spend a lot of time outdoors but again it's more solitary, pottering in our back garden, park, walking to village & back...again I just feel a bit out of step, friends with kids his age still meet at each other's houses to drink tea while kids play (he wouldn't do well being inside for hours with 3 or 4 other toddlers & my nerves would be shredded by the end of it!) I get the feeling cos they are still developing their little personalities that DH thinks I'm shaping them into introverts & that I should be pushing them and myself to be more social or they'll suffer socially later on in life. Which I think is piffle but it's hard not to be influenced by this thinking, you know? I do feel they get a good balance because he's so social at the weekends.

I think that children are over stimulated these days anyway. Why do we need to always be sure they are entertained. Children need to know what its like to spend time alone playing.

This.

YANBU at all. I prefer being alone without my kids, if that makes you feel any better! And I'm not remotely in need of any diagnosis. I just know what I like and it's peace and quiet and my own company. Then the company of my kids and DH, and only other folk intermittently and in situations I can leave at will. two playdates a day when you have to stay and socialise sounds hellish to me. You sound like a great mum. Stop worrying about it, enjoy your kids.

suddenly i'm starting to find even play dates hard too. The other children just bumble about playing happily for about 2 hours. Ds has enough of that after 20 mins and then starts going a bit wild. So to be honest I think our afternoons will become more solitary as we just go out and do our own thing. I'm fine with it!

It's lovely your dh takes them to do group things on a weekend, best of both worlds for them.

I'm currently pregnant with my first so can't add my personal experience of being an introverted mother (although I think I'll end up that way) but my own mum has never had any friends and when I was little it was just her, me and Dad! I never suffered from it, and when I started nursery I was the same as all the other children - I didn't suffer from not socialising and going on play dates. I had a very happy and fulfilled childhood and I have an extremely close bond with my parents today

My two dc also have a very close relationship, although nearly 4 years age gap. They are older now, but when they were younger they played together a lot, and when one got fed up with the other, they went to their room and/or did something else.

And, they are young for such a short time. You will look again and they will be teens, then you can be sure they aren't going to be wanting to be hanging out with you in the park

Make the most of it OP, and what others do, really doesn't matter.....

I don't really get what the issue is here or what the relevance of the introvert/extrovert distinction (a distinction that is not exactly scientific). If you think your kids need playdates and/or you want to go on them to socialise, then do playdates. If you prefer to do stuff just your kids and you and/or think it's better for the kids then do that.

I have no idea if I'm an introvert or an extrovert, sometimes I like company, sometimes I like being on my own!

My dd adores being with other people (her big bro is 14) she is extremely gregarious and social but I think benefits from having solitary play and reading and hanging out at home. It's all about the right balance for each family.

But play dates are very stressful for me, I always feel that our home will be considered below par!
but that's my insecurity.