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Original poster

To feel totally deflated on exchanging house contracts?

29 replies

bundybear · 09/06/2015 16:41

So we exchanged contracts on our house today after 6 months of wrangling and confusion. I expected to feel pop-the-champagne happy but I don't, I feel massively deflated Sad

I like the house we've bought - I did love it but I think the torturous process of securing it has taken the gloss off it. It's not supposed to be our forever home, just a stop gap somewhat forced by the arrival our third child and totally running out of space. I love aspects of our current house, although other aspects have driven me insane for years. We've taken a hit on it as we bought at the peak of the market so I think that's a factor too. I feel very torn about leaving.

Has anyone else experienced this? Have I just over-thought the whole thing because it's been such a long, stressful process? I do have a tendency to expect the worst so maybe I'm just being pessimistic about the whole thing...

DH is mad with me for been 'unenthusiastic', please tell me something to make me feel better!

OP posts:
Fingeronthebutton · 09/06/2015 16:45

I do know exactly what you mean. I would say it took me about a month to get over the stress that Estate agents and Solicitors caused.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/06/2015 16:50

Its really common to feel a bit deflated after acheiving a goal especially if you have been wrapped up in the struggle. I can be a bit of a "is that it, what next..." moment. Just tell your DH its relief from the stress.

Original poster
bundybear · 09/06/2015 16:53

Maybe it's just part of the process then? We've been on the day of exchange 6 times, each time cancelled at the last minute and last Friday we were told the deal was off - maybe I just got used to not being excited in case it all went wrong?

OP posts:
LittleMiss77 · 09/06/2015 16:54

Yep! We had 9 months of hell from PsychoVendor between having our offer accepted to completion/exchange. When we finally did, it was such a let down...

This is supposed to be our forever house and we're taking our time with decorating and improvememts to make sure they are just right. It'll be years before we get it how we want it, but each time we complete a room it starts to feel more like home.

froggers1 · 09/06/2015 16:58

I feel your pain. We are having a nightmare with Natwest sorting our mortgage. All we are doing is swapping address for the same amount of money. Every time I phone I just keep getting told they need more info or it will take a few more days. At my wits end. Everything else is ready. I could scream.

Original poster
bundybear · 09/06/2015 17:00

Ahh it's not just me then lol.

We also made the mistake of looking at 2 other houses at the last minute, both bigger and in some respects 'better' but only because both were massively over our budget. We made very cheeky bids hoping that would rule them out, but both offers were accepted! It still would have been a huge stretch though so we didn't go through with either. The one we're buying is a lot more realistic but it's hard not to think about what could have been (if we'd sold a kidney/child/our souls).

OP posts:
findingherfeet · 09/06/2015 17:21

I'm five months into negotiation hell and totally get what you mean...it certainly takes the shine and excitement of something as we've never been so stressed out. I think keys to door will be good!

gobbin · 09/06/2015 17:25

I think if you've been at the point of exchange 6 times then you've probably built up a bit of a protective shell to stop you feeling disappointed yet again - you just need to break out of that shell now and look forward to the excitement of a new house Smile

Original poster
bundybear · 09/06/2015 17:38

Thanks gobbin hopefully that's it. DH is suggesting we go for a visit soon (we've been back a couple of times) to remind ourselves why we loved it in the first place and to stop me obsessing over the photos and google satellite images every two seconds Hmm

OP posts:
wanderings · 09/06/2015 17:49

I think it's nothing to be ashamed of. We had so many setbacks and false starts that we didn't dare believe anything until we had the keys in our hands. Our chain got so complicated we had to break it and stay elsewhere for a month between selling and buying.

Andrewofgg · 09/06/2015 18:04

In any event Flowers on Getting It Done. Now heigh-ho for completion and all the stresses that brings . . .

Original poster
bundybear · 09/06/2015 18:50

Tell me about it, we're buying from someone who part exchanged for a new build, so we're actually buying off the (evil) developer. We will get ten days notice of completion, in the middle of the summer holidays, can't book removal vans, change addresses etc. Luckily we've negotiated a long stop date so if we haven't moved by 31 August then we can all back out without liability. So still plenty that can go wrong!

OP posts:
MillyMollyMandy78 · 09/06/2015 18:59

We moved into our forever home a year ago and i felt exactly like you, OP. So much hassle in the run up to exchange and then a phonecall from solicitor saying we had exchanged. dH phoned me as soon as he got off phone to solicitor, and i said 'oh great' but felt absolutely nothing! Just a bit of an anticlimax after the previous 3 months. It worried me a bit at the time, incase it was an omen/ cold feet etc but come move day it felt so great to finally be in our new house. I think it is such a draining/ stressful process that some people just have no more emotions to give come exchange. Well done, and i hope you are very happy in your new home!

Original poster
bundybear · 09/06/2015 19:16

Ah thanks MillyMollyMandy hopefully that happens with us too. I do feel totally drained by it all, it's been a hard slog and full of emotion.

OP posts:
GaryBaldy · 09/06/2015 19:22

Post purchase disonance is a common thing..ok so you haven't completed yet but after exchange you are locked in so I guess it is similar - all you can see ahead of you is the stress and work of moving.

It will get better OP.

Good luck with your move.

emwithme · 09/06/2015 19:33

I absolutely get where you're coming from. We bought our (first) house - my Forever House - in March, having viewed it first during October half-term. We were very lucky that DPILs have given us DH's inheritance now (when we can very much use it) so we were cash purchasers, and it was an empty house, but I did not expect it to take so long.

However...it did. We've had the keys for nearly three months, but are still living in our rented place because of the amount of work it needs doing (wet rot, woodworm, damp, stuck in the 70s). It now has no ceilings, no plaster on the walls.

We were going to open champagne on exchange and then didn't because it's not properly ours until completion. We were going to open it on completion and didn't because it needs so much work.

We ABSOLUTELY will open the champagne in September-ish when we finally move in once all the work has been done....maybe. Maybe we'll drink it at Christmas Grin

DixieNormas · 09/06/2015 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigsDOfly · 09/06/2015 20:07

Another one who felt exactly the same. The whole process is a nightmare. It's such a clumsy and disorganised process it seems amazing to me that anyone actually manages to buy or sell a house

Eight months of stress and not knowing if the whole thing was going to collapse like a house of cards left me feeling completely drained by the time we exchanged. And it didn't stop even then as I had to complete on my sale before the new build I was buying was finished and move into a friend's place for 2 months.

It does take the shine off what should be your lovely new home. That's it for me now, I've sworn I'm never going to move from this house, ever; may even have myself buried under the patio when I die.

onepieceoflollipop · 09/06/2015 20:18

Bundybear I really feel for you after all this stress. Just bear in mind that even "good" stress (finally getting your house) is emotionally and physically overwhelming.
We are 5 months down the road of buying and selling. We have had 3 months of Mr Seller causing issues, (he and Mrs are estranged). We had 2 weeks of him cancelling surveyors etc on a whim, then the same day getting his agent to hassle us to get things moving!
Go easy on yourself, I think you are also very aware that there is still final arrangements and moving day to get through.
Can you arrange a non house related treat?
xx

onepieceoflollipop · 09/06/2015 20:21

pigs I feel exactly the same. It is astonishing that people do eventually manage to buy and sell houses.

You only need one tricky person in the chain (and oh yes there is usually at least one) and the whole thing just gets unbearable.
Hope the end is in sight for us now. Structural survey this week, and hoping lender will finally be satisfied and we can exchange!

Thankfully our buyers (not even met them) are chilled about the delays.

OberonTheHopeful · 09/06/2015 20:23

Exchanging contracts is just part of of a long, and sometimes stressful, process. I remember listening to a voicemail from my solicitor telling me that I'd 'exchanged' and didn't feel anything much about it as I knew there was still some way to go.

It was different when we moved in!

CornChips · 09/06/2015 20:23

bundy.

Go to the shops. Buy a HUGE heap of home and lifestyle magazines, a large notebook, some scissors, glue and a bottle of your favourite tipple.

Go home. Get comfy. Start cutting and pasting your design ideas for your new house.

:) That will help. Promise.

And CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Passmethecrisps · 09/06/2015 20:23

We are two weeks in our new house and while we had none of the awful issues some of you mention it is quite stressful enough!! My heat absolutely goes out to those who have been let down over and over.

And regarding when to open the champagne my DH and I have the answer. Never champagne, always cava and at every single step of the way!

It eases the pain

Yarp · 09/06/2015 20:25

Oh I thinks it's totally normal. I felt like that after my wedding, after buying my house, and after our recent big building work. You have the after-effects of stress, the worry it wasn't worth it, the resiucal fear of something else going wrong

But it will pass - good advice from Cornchips to buy Living etc and start getting enthused

Yarp · 09/06/2015 20:26

residual