I have helped her more than I should have as an editor in the past.
She is the kind of person who comes over as very, very vulnerable. She's very open with people, very open in asking directly for help.
She lets me stay at her super amazing house at times and she sometimes pays for dinner as a thank you.
She has never once acknowledged my editing work on her papers, except once when it was actually in the journal I publish (and because I take the unusual policy of editing everything, everyone would have known anyway).
I have always known she was taking advantage and that I should be down as a second author because what I was contributing was substantive.
I will:
- raise my suspicions in a way that hopefully isn't too devastasting, i.e. say that it sounds very much like her DH, pretend that I think that this is because his style has probably just rubbed off by virtue of the time they are now spending together, and that I think she should probably rewrite it before sending it to the journal she has in mind
- suggest that I don't work on the paper and am not acknowledged on it at all.
Speaking as someone who has dealt with plagiarism/cheating issues in a professional context, including cases where people have got sacked for it, I think you should reconsider your involvement in your friend's 'work' very carefully indeed. You've already compromised yourself really. I suggest just giving her her paper back and telling her it isn't something you feel you can help her with. I'd be willing to bet she won't ask why. And don't budge.
The tears and fears then heading off to lunch indicate she emotionally blackmails you to do things she isn't pepared to struggle with herself. And what's in it for you? The friendship issue is very much about what you're prepared to put up with, but to me it's clear you are being used (and patronised with the odd invitation).
Put it this way: would you be happy for all your peers to know the role you've played to date? If not, it must be time to stop doing it.
The need for people to'help' your friend is only going to get worse if she is promoted even further beyond her abilities and confidence. She will never gain confidence if she gets other people to do work for her and the stakes will be higher, plus people's expectations, will be higher every time. I'd also duck any more editing jobs. Now her partner has raised the bar by doing this paper for her, he will have to carry on doing it, won't he?