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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

babys father/contact/am i being a cow/talking in anger :(

48 replies

ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 14:25

message from babys father after i offered contact...

would love to see baby but a the moment i have alot of shit on my plate so for now can we just text and chat about baby and things as me and the girls are all happy about baby and don't want to muck you about so can we take it slow.

my reply..i think i will leave it M. sorry im not going to be messed about. i cant just say i got alot on my plate and not bother with baby or other kids can i?

my reason for that reply was when i was first preg he done a runner 3 times. then when i was preg he said he would be supportive and help out. 4 times i asked for help.and there was an excuse everytime. i moved dishwashers/washing machines/ rolls of carpets. and pulling them up and laying the new ones on my own. i sent him a whats app message and said if he really dont want to know then he needs to be honest instead of coming up with crap excuses. he said ok and blocked me.

his adult children made contact with me a couple/few weeks ago. and i thought ok i give him a chance and sent him a message asking if he wanted to see baby. and the responce was as above...

i think his kids want him to have contact with the baby but he does not...and im thinking what can a baby get out of a text message...whats he think im going to do read it to baby?

i dont know if im being a cow or not...it just feels like an excuse and he not bothered

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 16:25

im going to messages the girls in a short while... i have managed to find his dob...

now a complication...he told me that when his kids were little their mum took him csa but he ended up not paying anything because he lied about his earnings and stuff as he works for his uncle and he fiddled the earnings. im not sure how it all worked to be honest but thats roughly what he told me...do i repeat this to csa?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 07/06/2015 17:29

He sounds a real gem. Hmm

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 18:30

should i try sort him paying for the baby between me and him or just do it through csa?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 07/06/2015 19:07

CSA doesn't exist any more, does it?

twistletonsmythe · 07/06/2015 19:17

They are now called child maintenance options - and I would sort it via them.

Was he self employed before and is he now?

He doesn't sound like he will be very co-operative if you try and communicate direct?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 19:39

i know he works with his uncle but not sure if self employed. i thought he said it was but im not 100% no i dont think he will co-opertate either

OP posts:
CruCru · 07/06/2015 21:36

Prepare yourself for not getting anything out of him - but if you go through the CSA (or whatever they are called now), at least you will have tried.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 21:47

this is why im not sure if there is any point in going csa :(

OP posts:
LaLyra · 07/06/2015 22:08

If you don't go to them you definately won't get anything so what have you got to lose?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 22:19

nothing lol

its just mad how blokes can get away without paying for their kids...then its the single mum that takes all the shit

OP posts:
CruCru · 07/06/2015 22:23

One advantage is that (if I'm right) you will be owed child support from the date on which you contacted the CSA / CMO. Even if it doesn't come right away, it'll build up over time (therefore paying back back for any support owed).

If you leave it then the child's father will benefit from years of not having to pay.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 22:28

if he pays anything at all

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/06/2015 22:31

You should at least get the £7 pw

twistletonsmythe · 07/06/2015 22:31

well if you don't apply you will never know. Why wouldn't you want maintenance?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 07/06/2015 22:38

it should be more than 7.00 hes on quite good money..im going to apply for it just seems a big hassle for something tha he might get away without paying

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/06/2015 17:09

What I'm saying Is unless he lies about being employed and just lies about actual figures you will get the £7pw as minimum -assuming no School age other kids

maxxytoe · 08/06/2015 17:22

I would fuck him off!
You're baby deserves better than this .
waste of fucking space
I despise men like this Angry

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/06/2015 18:00

maxx i have done that now...hes had enough chances...i phoned csa this morning. i got to claim child benefit first then they can start the ball rolling. They said i can to family based arrangement...that wont work as hes not communicating. so i have to pay 20.00 and they will sort it all including tracing him. and tell him to pay x amount if he dont pay they take him to court on my be half

OP posts:
CruCru · 09/06/2015 17:23

Excellent. So do that.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 17:44

i think i got it a bit wrong because im quite sure they take it out of his wage. defo said they will take him to court on my behalf.but im not sure what for :/

OP posts:
CruCru · 11/06/2015 15:07

I've never used them but I think that if he won't cooperate then they get his employer to take it out of his wages directly.

No idea what the taking to court thing is about.

twistletonsmythe · 11/06/2015 15:14

is the taking to court if he is self employed?

I know with my ex who is on PAYE - they are taking money from his wage at source. This costs me a small amount and him an extra 20% on top too.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 12/06/2015 10:55

im still waiting on my child benefit :( i feel bad for going csa but angry at same time..oh well waiting game now

OP posts:
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