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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that tracking your teenager's iphone is controlling

42 replies

Namechange65 · 07/06/2015 11:27

I found out today that DC's father (my ex) tracks them via their mobiles - both are over 16 and have never given any particular cause for concern. Then I read a thread on here where a mother had read her DD's texts and just wondered when "caring" becomes " controlling"

OP posts:

MakeItRain · 07/06/2015 15:25

If he was caught out then he obviously had no idea his phone was being tracked. I don't think that's right. It's also strange that he felt the need to lie about his whereabouts even though he's 17. Something doesn't feel right about it, as if he's not trusted or completely respected to make his own choices anyway (by your ex) and somehow he can sense that.

Feminine · 07/06/2015 15:55

I wouldn't dream of spying on my son's (16) Facebook or whatever.
I haven't since he was 14. My ground work started years previously. So, when it came to this period in his life - l'd be more confident in letting him be.

We have a rule, not back by 5.30 (just an example) you text me. That is good manners, and keeps me sane. ;)

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 07/06/2015 16:03

Dh and I track each other.

As long as it consented or done out of worry then it's fine.

When using the app you get a notification anyway.

InstitutionCode · 07/06/2015 16:08

It depends how it's been used.

Very rarely when going out of your mind with worry because they're late home, fine and could be a godsend if they are actually in danger.

To regularly check up, not so fine, although even then I could see circumstances when it might be sensible, if 16yo had a history of getting into bother.

ShelaghTurner · 07/06/2015 17:51

I track DH. Got utterly sick of him forgetting to tell me when he was leaving work and having dinner congealing so I now track him so I know when to turn the veg on He knows and doesn't care. Wouldn't read the contents of his phone though.

Maryz · 07/06/2015 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShelaghTurner · 07/06/2015 18:08

Each to their own . We like to eat together.

mrsrhodgilbert · 07/06/2015 18:11

We used it last year when dds went to a huge festival. We were collecting them at close to midnight in a massive, dark muddy car park (happily) and it was great. They had a long walk to get to us and we could see them coming and guide them by text to the car. Very useful in some situations.

They tracked us when we had a rare weekend away recently!! We're all comfortable with it. If it works abroad we will probably track them when they go travelling in a few weeks.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/06/2015 18:45

Namechange

IMHO I don't think that either of you are wrong, you have different expectations of what your DS gets up to.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2015 19:32

I wouldn't personally as it is controlling. If there was a serious specific reason then perhaps with their knowledge I might.
As for tracking DH that would be really weird.

PurpleSwift · 07/06/2015 19:36

Over 16 I think it's fine if the child is aware. If anything, between the ages of 16-18 are the ages you're most likely going to be out of the loop and want to know where your child is with later curfews, new friends and potential teenage drinking etc and it saves all the "where are you" texts.

Soduthen116 · 07/06/2015 19:39

Na we all have them me, dh, my teens and older.

It's nothing to do with trust or control. It's a sensible keeping in touch and being there for the other if needed.

We all subscribe and all are aware. We call it our stalker app as a joke.

We have a great relationship with our kids and all trust each other.

Guessing if your relationship with your dcs or dh isn't great then it could be a problem.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2015 19:41

I wouldn't have wanted to be tracked by my parents. I would have thought it odd they wanted to.

cashewnutty · 07/06/2015 19:41

Thing is, the person being tracked can disable it if they want so it is not controlling at all. You can't force someone to enable it. If you are in a low signal place it doesn't work anyway.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 07/06/2015 19:45

We all have 'find my iPhone/iPad' because we are all useless at keeping track of them . DD doesn't take hers out with her (she's only 10), so I don't need to track her as such, but I can see why some parents would feel the need.

I do read all DDs messages and I'm not apologetic for that. I have had concerns about her 'friends' for a while and sadly discovered last week the extent of the bullying/isolation she's been suffering. In the last month or so the messages she's been receiving have been questionable, and last week they turned into out and out bullying. If I hadn't read them I would be none the wiser - as it is I have been able to deal with it straight away.

So I'm on the fence. I do think it's a little strange for a 16/17 year old, but for a younger teen or pre-teen I understand it.

drollandoriginalusername · 10/11/2015 09:56

My partner's daughter is 13 and quite devious, so 'Find my iPhone' has been invaluable in keeping tabs on her. Understandably, she's not happy with it, and has been pleading to have it turned off, but we've refused, pointing out that she has often lied about where she was and who she was with (including once, on a sleepover, sneaking out at midnight to meet a boy in a local park), and that - living in central London as we do - it's a useful safety feature.

Unfortunately, as a Google search will reveal, the facility can be turned off without knowing the Apple ID password used to set it up. Partner's daughter has now found this out, which is a bugger, as now she is 'off grid'. So it's a useful thing to have up to and until the time when the little darlings become proficient with Google!

MrsTedMosby · 10/11/2015 10:36

It's never occurred to me to track any of my children. My oldest is 16 and he goes to college in a different town. The only thing I've done is keep a copy of his timetable so I know roughly when to expect him home. If he's late I just assume he's gone to town to look at the bookshops.

Same with my DTs who have just started secondary - they keep forgetting to take their phones with them anyway so tracking them would be pretty useless!

Maybe if they were lying and going off and getting in trouble I might think about it, but not for everyday stuff.

I'd have hated my parents tracking me, it seems like such an invasion of privacy.

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