To cancel joint birthday party

[OneOutOneIn]

One of my closest friends and I were born just a few days apart. Our birthdays are nearing and we have organised a joint celebration with our friends and families. We have about 10 mutual friends who are coming.

We found a bar that would cater for 30 people all inclusive, it's expensive and people will have to travel to the destination. I assumed we'd each have 15 invites and we'd divide our mutual friends between us. So in theory we'd both put 5 mutual friends on our individual lists leaving us each 10 invites for whomever we wanted to invite.

Friend was surprised and assumed that I'd put all 10 mutual friends on my list leaving her to invite for example her neighbours aunt's best friend or whatever. I don't want to be petty but I'd rather tell her that I'm now busy on my birthday and maintain the friendship without telling her that I don't think she's being fair. I asked her to divide our mutual friends but as she has a bigger family than I do she thinks it's only 'normal' that she gets the lions share of invitations.

Would I be unreasonable to cancel the whole thing and say I'm busy?

It's how you say things that matters. It can be done super nicely and with no offence

Ie she texts back 'I need more spaces'

You text back 'I thought you might and I've been thinking about a solution. Let's make the party solely for you (not me) and I can arrange a separate birthday bash next month. I really don't mind'

Agree that it's how you say it!

As you state, you each should have the same number of 'free' invites for family members and non-mutual friends.

If she wants more than you, I would suggest that's fine but her financial contribution should be upped. I assume at this point you are splitting the cost 50-50

I don't understand how she can't see she's not being fair.

If she has a large family then why did she agree to hold a joint party at such a small venue? seems daft.

I'd stuck to your guns, you shouldn't be paying for her guests, if she can't agree then back out and let her pay for and invite whoever she wants and have yours elsewhere.

It depends really. Did you discuss the mutual friends and how it would pan out or did you just add them to the guest list? Because if it's the latter she might just assume that's how you're using your invites.