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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being precious re. DD going outside?

46 replies

MrsNextDoor · 06/06/2015 12:02

DD is 7...turned 7 in March. She has "made friends" with a neighbours' cat...and just now she wanted to go to the little open grass square to see if it was there.

The little grass square is literally out of our front door, walk past ONE house and you're there.

DH says no....she's too small to be there alone even for 5 minutes as we can't see her from the window.

I'm a bit Hmm She's not daft. AIBU?

OP posts:
ninaaa · 06/06/2015 12:05

Sorry, but I think YABU. I wouldn't leave her outside on her own, she's 7. Why can't one of you go out with her?

TheNameIWantedIsTaken · 06/06/2015 12:07

What sort of area do you live in? is it calm or boisterous, main road or quiet estate? if the cakm , family area type then yanbu

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 06/06/2015 12:07

It depends - grass square where junkies hang out in the middle of a four lane motorway? No. Grass square down a quiet one way street where lots of young children play all the time? Maybe

ImperialBlether · 06/06/2015 12:09

Just go with her!

WorraLiberty · 06/06/2015 12:12

WTF??

Of course she's old enough to pop out there.

I can't believe anyone would think otherwise. As for going with her, that's just ridiculous.

fattymcfatfat · 06/06/2015 12:13

YANBU. she's 7 fgs. she needs to learn independence at some point. the little grass square seems the perfect place to start.

DancingDinosaur · 06/06/2015 12:14

Of course she should go. You have to give them a little bit of independence.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 06/06/2015 12:14

Of course she's old enough.

5madthings · 06/06/2015 12:14

Depending on the area I would let her, but my dd4 who also turned 7 in march, plays out in our cul De sac. He has rules about where he can go, ie up to lamp post etc. And it's a small, quiet cul De sac and other kids about including older siblings.

What else is there about this green? Do you know your neighbours. I guess I would gp with her and then gp back to house leaving her in eyesight etc.

alicemalice · 06/06/2015 12:15

YANBU

5madthings · 06/06/2015 12:16

She say Ds4 not dd4.

VelvetRose · 06/06/2015 12:16

It's practically outside your house then? I agree with you. Dd used to go and explore the park with her friends when she was younger than that. I'd be sitting reading or chatting and they would go off, out of sight for quite a while. Not out of the park though.

NobodyLivesHere · 06/06/2015 12:17

My 7 yo is allowed to the park up the road for 10 mins by herself. I think your dh is being insane.

TheFairyCaravan · 06/06/2015 12:17

YANBU

I'd let her go out there. You have to let her go at some point and no matter how old she is on that first time you/he are going to worry. The sooner she goes out (and 7 is more than old enough) the more streetwise and savvy she will become.

ashtrayheart · 06/06/2015 12:23

My 4 and 6 year olds play outside wig their friends (quiet cul-de-sac) - I agree with you.

ashtrayheart · 06/06/2015 12:23

With*

halcyondays · 06/06/2015 12:33

I don't know anyone in real life who wouldn't let their 7 year old do this.

VanillaTwirl · 06/06/2015 12:33

I agree with you, he is being completely ott.

My kids were playing out with their friends from around 4, at 7 they were allowed to the park at the end of the street (out of sight of the house) and to call on friends who lived nearby.

She has to learn independence, and this would be a reasonable first step.

HowDoesThatWork · 06/06/2015 12:36

My six year old is allowed to ride is bike to the skatepark on his own. It is about three hundred yards away - on quiet village roads.

Your DH is being unreasonably restrictive.

cashewnutty · 06/06/2015 12:38

I let my kids play outside and go to bits of grass near the house or to friends houses in the street from around age 5. It is perfectly fine. How else do they learn to take reasonable risks and become independent?

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/06/2015 12:39

At 7, I used to get kicked out of the house on a nice day, younger siblings in tow to look after. Obviously didn't go far, but certainly beyond our gate. What age exactly is it ok to let your child explore slightly out of sight these days? There's a line between protective and smothering.

ashtrayheart · 06/06/2015 12:41

I think it's important to let them have snippets of independence from a young age. My 6 year old is allowed to ride her bike round the close which includes a bit where I can't see her - my 4 year old has to keep to areas closer to our house. There's a group of them that play out though. How else will they ever develop? otherwise you get to 12/13 suddenly let them out and they will have no idea!

Original poster
MrsNextDoor · 06/06/2015 13:06

See I knew I was right. But what do people do when one parent doesn't think the same way?

I could just allow her...but that's not "right" either is it?

I have tried to talk to him but he seems very nervous...we don't live on a one way street...we live on a residential road...little bit of car traffic...local people walk past on the way to the shops...it's just a normal street! No ruffians.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/06/2015 13:15

I suppose you'll have to try to appeal to his better nature. Not now, but work on it slowly.

Also, as much as I believe in parents showing a united front, I would still let your DD know that it's her Dad that's too worried about it, rather than you. Otherwise when she asks why she can't, you'll find yourself unable to explain.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/06/2015 13:49

Instead of debating with each other, why not sit with your daughter and see how much 'sense' she has about personal safety. Ask her how much she knows if road/stranger safety, teach her anything you think she may be 'lacking'. Why don't you walk around your block as a family, set a boundary - 'never go beyond here without mum and dad, stay on pavement/green at all time' etc as you walk. That may give your husband a better peace of mind, knowing he's seen some sensibility from your daughter himself, whilst they both learn a bit about seperation and letting go.