To ask those of you who have cut off your families/have in the past.

[sherbetlemonD]

If you regret it? Did you change your mind when you had your own children?

I've been NC with a sibling for many years. I don't regret it per se because the peace of mind I gained by not having to deal with a self centred dishonest spiteful and manipulative bully any longer was a huge relief. I also didn't want my children to be exposed to this person's company.

The situation does, however, cause me a lot of heartache still ..... not because I miss them but because I wish I had a decent normal sibling I could be friends with. My immediate family is very small - my lovely dad died years ago, am not close to my mother though we maintain a relationship of sorts (quite distant and superficial, she seems not to have any real interest in me) and extended family are scattered far and wide and I see them very irregularly. In short, I feel quite alone and confess I am extremely envious of people I know - and at times it feels like everyone I know (in real life) - who have loving close families. Feeling I had no real choice but to cut out someone who was affecting my mental health was a necessary thing but nonetheless horribly frustrating and sad because my family is so small.

I've never been tempted to reconcile - despite my mother muttering along those lines every so often ...... I have no idea if my sibling's 'changed' in the meantime and would be too nervous of finding out. I hear bits of stuff every so often which makes me think they remain the personality I knew 'before', and nothing which makes me think 'maybe I've been too harsh'. In fact, when I initially broke contact, a lot of stuff I had no idea about came to light via cousins, aunts, uncles and so on who all held a similar view of my sibling - but who hadn't wanted to rock the boat, upset my mum etc., which reassured me I wasn't being unreasonable.

I would love to have a sibling to love and vice versa but it's never going to happen.

NC with both brothers. Feel much calmer and happier for it.

My two siblings and I are NC with our 'mother' since 1997. Best decision I have ever made and I don't regret it (they feel exactly the same as me). Dad raised us up.

I haven't had anything to do with my mother since my Dad's funeral 12 years ago and with some of my sisters. The only regret I have is that I didn't cut her out of my life before that. I'm in daily contact with some of my family. My mother and the nastiest sister tried to manipulate a situation at a family funeral two years ago when they approached me wanting to make peace but I told them to go away as I knew it was only for show. I don't want them in my life again. I'm so much happier without them in my life. Not all families are like the Waltons.

My brother cut out my mum for 7 years, he had lost his daughter and was grieving and needed someone to be angry at.. She hadn't done anything but it was what he needed. It was the right thing for him and he came back when he was ready.. Now they are very close again. But thank christ neither of them died during that period as they did both love each other still. Many others don't have that and it's definitely best to stay NC.

I also have a friend who cut her mother out who was very abusive to her, she will never make up with her and it's definitely the best decision she's made. She is tons happier. She got a call from ITV from the Jeremy Kyle show.. Her mum wanted to reconcile on tv! She told them to stick it

DH finally decided to cut out his parent when that parent pulled the same shit dh had been dealing with for years on our three year old. DH felt obligated but he could see that our DC wasn't and it triggered an epiphany for him.

My parents went nc with his parents when I was nine, after years of abuse and trying to make it work. Stress dropped hugely overnight. He re established some contact about ten yrs later and visited a few times a year through the rest of their lives. Sibs and I had no further contact other than sending dgm regular cards when she moved to a care home. It was no regret - she was openly abusive and manipulative, you don't miss that!

Cut of oldest brother his partner and his 6 adult children and they're partners.

Nope never regretted it,they're all awful people and will never change.

We already had our 5DC,but even if we'd had children afterwards I wouldn't have changed my mind.

Some people just don't deserve to be apart of your life.

I was NC with my dad for about 20 years until he died a few years ago. He was very controlling, which I didn't really realise until I had done it. I don't regret it, other than it made things quite difficult to see my mum, but my life was much calmer without him in it.

I cut my mum off at 15 after being told to leave her home, which I did. My childhood was pretty abusive, I don't have many good memories from about the age of 10.

I got my own house, life etc and I didn't speak to her for 2 years until I had my DS and she managed to worm her way back into my life on the pretence that my elderly grandmother should meet the baby. I'd maintained contact with my gran throughout the 2 years, she was frail and I cooked and cleaned for her but even so, I allowed my mum in and ended up with a strained relationship with her which grew over the next few years into a polite and almost friendly one as I had my third baby.

We've been ok since then. I say ok, I don't love my mum and will never forgive or forget what she did. I've been tolerating her abuse and criticism, poor mental state and well drama really ever since until March this year when she verbally attacked my DH for the last time. I lost my shit. And haven't spoken to her since.

I haven't had anything to do with my dad since I was 12. I don't have any feelings for him.

Do I regret it? No. They are toxic.

my biggest regret is the fact that i still talk to the inlaws .they are the most hurtful people ever .i have put up with there rubbish over 25 years .i wish i had spoke up earlier /god i detest them .

I think most people don't go no-contact lightly, it usually comes after years of a dysfunctional relationship and some pretty terrible behaviour on the part of the person being cut off. So it's been thought through long and hard and is usually done for the right reasons.

That's certainly so in our case, and I don't regret going NC at all. I feel it's been the best thing we could have done in the circumstances. It was the only thing left to do after years of trying to manage their behaviour and letting things go to keep peace. It took a long time to realise that nothing worked because they didn't want to change and saw nothing wrong with the way they were towards everybody.

God no! NC with my maternal family in nearly 5yrs and it's bliss. No random arguments or fighting. Everyone gets on. No stress about the next load of passive aggressive shite - our family life is much more pleasant

MrsTedCrilly really, haha. That is funny. Who would want to .

Nope never regretted it. The level of sheer spite did it in the end. I suddenly realised I didnt love her, i feared her. She was uneducated, socially challenged, hated motherhood and hated her own adoptive mother: I was the handy scapegoat she took it out on.

She stole my childhood. Its just a blurry, 'fog' of her and her total contempt & resentment & my fear of her. I was never touched or hugged - if you tried for physical affection she would tell you not to be 'stupid'. She was a robotic, OCD Stepford wife with no hobbies, no interests, no friends. But the 'front' she presents to others is masterful. Its all poor little me they never get behind that front.

I'm cut off from my parents and my brother and sister been five years now. Should have happened ears ago. No problems with brother just loves miles away and lost contact. I don't miss them at all and won't be attending any funerals. My parents are in their early seventies now

I am NC with my sociopath half brother & have no regrets, I wish I had cut him out years ago. Unfortunately we still have an elderly parent in common & sometimes have to communicate. Every single time we have any kind of contact reinforces to me that my decision was the correct one.

Never regretted it but definitely craved a real mum sometimes. Not a perfect mum, just non-abusive one. That craving made me pick up the phone more than once (and yes, pregnancy/childbirth is a key point) until I eventually faced the hard truth. Whatever is going on in your life OP, I hope you find a bit of peace.

I have very minamal contact with my so called mother and father (they split when I was 5).
My dad is a drunk, and my mum cared more for her boyfriends then her own children.
I only deal with them when I really have to (mum in care home now).
I feel it's my duty, even though as a child they didn't seem to think it was there responsibility to look after there children.

God no! I've been NC with my mother for a few years now, and don't regret it one bit. Many reasons, and even outlining them to her in no uncertain terms she could not accept how much pain she caused. Wasn't a decision I made lightly, but she was a toxic person in my life. I'm happier than I ever was, and feel lighter for her absence. She doesn't know where in the country I live, and that makes me happy. No regrets.

Going NC is never an easy decision but my daily anxiety levels are so much lower now I know I don't have to see my drug addict, emotionally abusive and manipulative sister. I still feel guilty at times as in reality she is a tragic figure but I also believe I have the right to live a life free from someone else's constant drama. I am sorry her life is a wreck but I cannot fix it and trying for many years meant my own happiness was seriously diminished. Good luck with your decision OP, you are not alone. Thank you too for raising this topic as it made me remember that I'm not either!

Dad left when I was 5 - never seen him since. Went NC with mum and brother about 20 years ago for 6 years. When expecting DC1 made contact again with mum but brother wanted nothing to do with me. However, mum was still the same toxic, nasty, self-centred person she has always been - had 4 more DC and eventually went NC (again!) 2 years ago as realised she will never change and my life is better without her in it. I have made my own lovely family and she doesn't deserve to be part of it.

I went NC with my mother about 6 months before she died very suddenly. I regret that going NC was necessary, but I do not regret going NC. Since her death I have re-embarked on the relationship with my father, for which I am grateful. Going NC with my mother meant that I also ended up losing contact with my father, but that was their choice not mine.

I have since had DD and, due to my mother's utterly toxic and destructive behaviour, I have absolutely no doubt that were she still alive, I would still be NC. The thought of her coming anywhere near my child actually makes me feel physically ill.

But that is my experience based on my family and set of circumstances. It is so personal.

I've been NC with the family I grew up in for 5 years. No regrets, it was absolutely the right thing to do. However, I'm still very sad every day that this is the situation, but I'm mourning something that never existed, not something I've lost, IYSWIM.

I have minimal contact - I send him a card twice a year, usually via my husband so I don't need to go to his house.

I don't regret it at all. I'm much healthier now.

As to having children, I've experienced the opposite. It was after I'd had children when I started to understand just how abusive he had been. That realisation that I could never, ever treat my children the way he treated me was quite shocking.

If anything, I feel I've got a duty to protect them from him.

I think that it's like being in abusive marriages. Sometimes you don't know how bad things had been until you stand back and look at it all from a distance. For me, having children was that wake up call that actually, he wasn't a loveable buffoon who occasionally lost his temper. He was a controlling, abusive man who damaged me.