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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No hat, no D of E.

31 replies

turningvioletviolet · 05/06/2015 07:30

Dd1 going on D of E expedition tomorrow (overnight camping and mountain trekking). She is refusing to take a hat. I've told her if she doesn't take a hat she won't be going. Aibu?

OP posts:

hesterton · 05/06/2015 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seriouslyffs · 05/06/2015 07:33

Just shove it in her rucksack.
But that you're packing for her and getting involved- isn't DoE meant to encourage independence and foster maturity?

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 05/06/2015 07:34

She's an idiot if she thinks this is worth arguing over. What any half intelligent self-respecting teenager would do is obediently agree take the hat and then leave it at the bottom of their bag for the entire weekend.

If she isn't clever enough to work that one out then she deserves to miss the trip!

UnspecialSnowflake · 05/06/2015 07:34

If she doesn't want to take her hat and you make her, what do you think the chances of her actually wearing it once she's out of your sight are?

I think this is one of those pick your battles moments, I don't think a hat is so important That she should miss her D of E treck over it.

Seriouslyffs · 05/06/2015 07:35

That sounded snippy

Original poster

turningvioletviolet · 05/06/2015 07:35

I never said I was packing for her. I just told her to make sure she had a hat because it will be warm and sunny and she'll be outside all day. She's 14. My daily phrase to her is 'it's not a fashion parade'.

OP posts:

TwinkieTwinkle · 05/06/2015 07:37

Far too harsh Itsraining. OP if she doesn't want it she won't wear it. Let her go without and see how bloody cold it can get. She won't make the same mistake in a hurry.

PuntasticUsername · 05/06/2015 07:37

How old is she? If she's old enough for DofE, presumably she's old enough to take the consequences of some of her own decisions...

Even if you made her take it, she won't wear it. She'll chuck it in a hedge first chance she gets. If you are feeling particularly kind you could sneak one to the expedition leader to give her when she stays complaining about cold ears, but that's as far as I'd go myself!

Grumpyoldbiddy · 05/06/2015 07:38

My mothers personal favourite 'no one will be looking at you anyway'. My dh thinks this is awful when I tell him she used to say this, I think it was good, put me in my place and stopped me being self obsessed!

Original poster

turningvioletviolet · 05/06/2015 07:39

It's not a woolly hat it's a baseball cap thingy to stop the sun beating down on her precious stroppy head.

OP posts:

capercaillie · 05/06/2015 07:39

Hat is important. I put it in same category as waterproofs etc - ie important for safety as well as comfort. I'm a DofE leader.

Mind you, I had one boy turn up one weekend without waterproofs because his mum said he wouldn't need them because the weather forecast was nice. Luckily we check this type of thing in the car park before we leave so he went home to get them. Guess what - weather in Yorkshire is slightly different and he needed waterproofs.

TwinkieTwinkle · 05/06/2015 07:39

Hat is clearly needed for different circumstance than I realised. Fwiw, I never wore a hat in the sun at that age. I've turned out alright!

NerrSnerr · 05/06/2015 07:39

Let her decide. I wouldn't wear a hat if I was walking in the sun all day. It'd be daft for her to miss the d of e for this.

capercaillie · 05/06/2015 07:39

Sun hat essential - also safety related. No one wants to have to deal with sun burn or heatstroke

FenellaFellorick · 05/06/2015 07:40

Did you really mean it? That she won't be going? so she would not get her D of E?

You do know that even if you give it to her, if she doesn't want to wear it - she will just put it in her bag the second they set off.

Best to just put it in her bag. It's there if she wants it.

You won't make her wear it in your absence.

On the school run I see several children who leave home with a coat on, turn the corner, take it off and shove it in their bag.

No doubt their parents had the WEAR A COAT argument for 20 minutes that morning.

You just provide the stuff. At that age and in that circumstance, that's the limit of what you can do.

tobysmum77 · 05/06/2015 07:40

Tell her if you burn your head it leads to 2 weeks of uncontrolled skin peeling aka dandruff.

Then let her find out the hard way.

FenellaFellorick · 05/06/2015 07:41

meant to say - if she gets there and it's in her bag and lots of the other kids are wearing them - she'll likely stick it on anyway.

Original poster

turningvioletviolet · 05/06/2015 07:43

Thanks Caper.

Would I stop her going? I know her well enough to know she will give in loudly and huffily but she will give in but probably at 7.30 tomorrow morning, one minute before we're due to leave.

OP posts:

TheWordFactory · 05/06/2015 07:51

There's often a bag check and a hat, scarves and gloves are on the kit list.
So if you don't have your own, you might be given a (minging) spare!

NotYouNaanBread · 05/06/2015 07:53

I don't like the it's not a fashion parade thing though. She's 14. IT IS A FASHION PARADE. How she looks is extraordinarily important to her and her peers and I think that any argument that opens with "how you look doesn't matter" is dead on its feet with a teenager.

"How you look is extremely important, DD, so bring the hat in your bag anyway, because a bright red forehead from the sun & a splitting headache will interfere with your ability to take spectacular selfies." etc. Humour the child. Leave a picture of Taylor Swift/Rita Ora/whoever she's into looking amazing in a baseball cap on your computer screen.

And then shove it in her bag when she isn't looking as a last resort.

It's not fair to back her into a spot where she thinks she risks missing out on a trip. She can't back down without losing face.

Aermingers · 05/06/2015 08:18

As long as she wears sunscreen she should be fine. It's 21 degrees, not 40.

tobysmum77 · 05/06/2015 08:20

It depends on your hair aermingers. My head would burn if I was in the sun all day. But it's never been dangerous. As I said the main issue is dandruff

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 05/06/2015 08:30

It's a required item on our kit list at our DofE group.

The last thing I want as a Leader is people going down with sunstroke after walking with a full pack in the blazing sun all day.

We explain this to our participants & they all bring them, plus a beanie for the evenings....

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 05/06/2015 08:32

As long as she wears sunscreen she should be fine. It's 21 degrees, not 40

But she'll be walking for 6 hours, carrying a full pack on her back. Sunscreen won't stop the sun beating down on her head...

It's not a bimble down the shops, it's a physically demanding task. I'd rather she took it and didn't need it than the other way round....

muminhants1 · 05/06/2015 08:49

Shove it in her bag - she might end up wearing it and thanking you!

And sunglasses too. If she won't wear the hat she might wear those.

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