Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend of sister's best friends daughter to stay?

21 replies

laughinglemons · 05/06/2015 00:22

My sister has some time in the summer hols and where both her older children are away and she is going to come and stay with me and my DD (3) by the seaside. Lovely.

I see her best and oldest friend and say to come with her DD (10). She is a single mum and doesn't get to see my sister as much as they used to. But then my sister says that if her best friend's daughter can't bring a friend she won't come?

I feel mean but I don't really want someone I haven't met staying, I think it's a bit cheeky (pls tell me if it isn't) and I don't want to risk my DD being told to go away or that she can't play... I wish I had not invited sister's best friend now... Confused

OP posts:
WonderingWillow · 05/06/2015 00:25

What? She 'won't' come?

Well, I guess they're not coming! It's bloody cheeky!

Cinderling · 05/06/2015 00:27

Cheeky!

defineme · 05/06/2015 00:28

no that is not possible. ...no need to explain. ..so rude!

olgaga · 05/06/2015 00:34

There's only one answer to this.

"Oh that's a shame. Let's give it a miss then".

Original poster
laughinglemons · 05/06/2015 00:39

Thanks wondering, cinder and define.
My sister is the MOST laid back person ever so she asked me probably without a thought... When I was hesitant she did agree that the older girls probably would want my DD hanging out with them.
Am going to try not to lose anymore sleep on this one!

OP posts:
SilverBirch2015 · 05/06/2015 00:42

So is it the bf who won't come or your sis?

Is the 10 yr old going to be a big bored on her own playing with a 3yr old?

Original poster
laughinglemons · 05/06/2015 00:42

Did you all get that it was the best friend's daughter who said she won't come? Meaning my sister's best friend can't come.. Thanks olga.

OP posts:
Original poster
laughinglemons · 05/06/2015 00:47

Well this is the thing silver... That is why I am posting on here. Maybe IABU.
Thing this is the 10 year old has never met my DD. I don't know my sister's best friend that well (me and my sister didn't grow up together). I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of having someone to stay who I have never met. It's not like it's my niece or nephew's friend.

OP posts:
SilverBirch2015 · 05/06/2015 00:48

Oh I see now. That makes more sense. YANBU but I can understand why the 10yr old wants to bring a friend her own age.

. We used to take a friend of DS away with us at that age. But it's more awkward if your are staying in someone's house rather than a hotel/self-catering.

SilverBirch2015 · 05/06/2015 00:51

Why did you invite them if you don't know them very well? I am a bit confused about the dynamics here.

Kampeki · 05/06/2015 01:01

Of course yanbu. I have a dd of that age, and I wouldn't dream of asking if she could take a friend to stay at someone else's house.

My dd would play nicely with the 3yo and she would also enjoy conversing with the adults. She definitely doesn't need company of her own age at all times!

However, I'm wondering if it is actually the friend, rather than the dd, who has said this. Perhaps she wants some grown up conversation with you and your DSis, and feels that this would only be possible if her dd has some company as well?

I do think it would be unfair for the adults to leave the 10yo in charge of the 3yo, and not involve her in the other conversations, but I don't think that's what you had in mind?

Original poster
laughinglemons · 05/06/2015 01:15

Kampeki - you might be right that it my sister's friend rather than the friend's DD that is suggesting this. Thank you for saying that your DD would be fine with this. No I wasn't thinking of leaving my DD to be looked after by a child she had never met. I am v hands on and my DD is used to having me to play games with / read with etc We'd all be on the beach / sea / pool / painting shop / making cakes etc... if they DID like playing together then great but if I thought my DD was annoying the older girl I'd tell her and play with her myself. I think it was the threat part of it that has bothered me so much. Not just a 'can she bring a friend' but 'can she bring a friend or she won't come'. I think that is the bit that didn't feel right.

Silver - I invited my sister's best friend because I like her (even though I don't know that well), thought she and her DD would enjoy it and that it would be nice for my sister. I didn't invite her daughter's friend.

OP posts:
CatMilkMan · 05/06/2015 01:36

Oh no they aren't coming what a shame.

Talismania · 05/06/2015 01:40

I wouldn't have wanted to play with a 3yo when I was 10. Maybe the daughter is worried she'll be stuck with the 3yo all the time and that she'd be bored?

defineme · 05/06/2015 07:38

If that's the case then they refuse the lovely kind offer, not invite an entirely new person along too. My close friends might ask me if they can bring an extra child along to tea or something, but not on holiday, and this isn't a close friend.

redfairy · 05/06/2015 07:54

I wouldn't have any 10 year old dictating who I did or did not have to stay in my home.

Totality22 · 05/06/2015 07:59

Having an unknown 10 year old child come to stay is not quite the same as having an adult stranger come to stay?

Although I'd not want some random child come to stay with me!!!

sonjadog · 05/06/2015 07:59

Then they don't come. YABU. They don't dictate your holiday offer.

Totality22 · 05/06/2015 08:00

Agree that the 10 year old shouldn't be laying down the law. She sounds like a bit of a brat.... maybe you've had a lucky escape!

sonjadog · 05/06/2015 08:00

YANBU that should have read.

Roseforarose · 05/06/2015 08:09

She won't come if her DD can't bring her friend? Oh dear, what an absolute shame. Perhaps she could book in to a nearby hotel?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread