Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to be really miffed my sister won't accept my FB friend req??

25 replies

TreeHuggerMum1 · 04/06/2015 19:21

So not once but twice my sister, who lives quite far away and I see maybe twice a year, has cancelled my Facebook friend request. The first time I thiught must be a mistake but the second one was cancelled too.
I texted her and asked why, i never got a reply and that was 3 months ago.
I am genuinely really upset about this but not sure if I'm being neurotic or if this really is the slap in the face I'm taking it as....
Thoughts pleease (be kind!)

OP posts:

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 19:22

Do you speak to her?

NerrSnerr · 04/06/2015 19:22

Do you communicate in other ways
Do you constantly post pictures, boring updates, religious stuff, politics, motivational pictures etc?
Does she like you?

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2015 19:26

Ring her and speak to her

TheRoseAndTheFire · 04/06/2015 19:26

My brother doesn't want to be my FB friend. I completely understand. He's younger than me, free single, gets up to all sorts. there's probably stuff there he doesn't want me to see. Fair enough. I can Whatsapp/text him if I want to speak to him but I respect his right not to have me on his FB. It's really not obligatory

If your relationship with your sister is otherwise good, I really wouldn't stress about this.

Dansak · 04/06/2015 19:26

My dsis hasn't accepted mine either and has always denied she is on there. Very odd, we are very close.

Try not to let it bother you, she must just want some privacy there for some reason.

SaucyJack · 04/06/2015 19:27

Maybe she's uncomfortable "being herself" in front of family.

Some people like to compartmentalise.

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 04/06/2015 19:29

I hope she likes me, I think so. We did used to talk often but nothing since I last texted and asked what happened. If she has replied and said she wanted to keep it to herself I'd have respected that but now I just don't what to think.

OP posts:

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 19:29

Just ring her...

Stanky · 04/06/2015 19:30

Yes, I had to block my auntie, because she complained to my mum about me using the word fuck.

Stanky · 04/06/2015 19:31

...and I'm 30.

MadameJulienBaptiste · 04/06/2015 19:34

I have two sisters who are very active on Facebook and friends with all our relatives, their school friends, work colleagues etc.
They don't know I'm on Facebook and keep asking me to join so I can be bored shit less with non stop updates and pictures.
I only joined Facebook to get a business page, and have a personal page with just a few of MY friends on it.
I don't want my family knowing everything I'm up to and would refuse friend requests from them if ever they found me on it.

Gabilan · 04/06/2015 19:35

I can understand why you're hurt but being friends with your family on FB can be a headache. I don't mind too much but it really does curtail what I can put on there.

Actually, in a way I quite like the braking effect. People can get into so much trouble via social media and being friends with your parents and siblings does make you think very carefully about anything you might post. However, I suspect your sister just doesn't want you knowing everything she gets up to. So long as your relationship is otherwise good, it doesn't matter.

crustsaway · 04/06/2015 19:43

Another one saying call her. I can't understand why you wouldn't, unless there is something else going on that you're not telling us about.

Unexpected · 04/06/2015 19:46

Your last contact was a text three months ago? Whatever happened to actually speaking to people?

ttc2015 · 04/06/2015 19:47

Call her. Why wouldn't you if you were wondering?

MrsTedCrilly · 04/06/2015 19:55

Some people are weird with facebook.. Maybe she doesn't want you knowing stuff, or she presents a different her than the sister you know, doesn't want you to see her friends etc.. It does seem odd if you get on well. Many people on here say facebook is not real life but it can still hurt.. It is real, just online real! I've just been deleted by someone I have always got on well with and had no bad feelings with whatsoever, I'm confused but not going to press the matter.
You never know what goes on in someones head.

LittleMissRayofHope · 04/06/2015 19:56

My db doesn't do family on Facebook. His choice. We're only family though. See him at birthdays and Christmas.
If it wasn't for blood we wouldn't know each other.
However he is much closer to my SIL (other brothers wife) and won't add her either.

5Foot5 · 04/06/2015 21:25

But is she active on facebook or does she just have a presence she doesn't use? I went on facebook when I first heard of it and set up an account. However, I quickly decided it wasn't really for me and now largely ignore any prompting and requests I get. It is nothing personal to anyone, I just would rather communicate with them in other ways. Maybe your sister just doesn't really do facebook; or she only has it for specific purposes.

sonjadog · 04/06/2015 21:30

Maybe she would like to keep that part of her life private? Doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it just means she wants space.

stumblingalong · 04/06/2015 21:40

A lot of people have FB accounts but don't actually use them, except to play scrabble she might think it's not worth making you a friend if she never bothers with it.
Just ring & talk to her.

MirandaGoshawk · 04/06/2015 22:01

It's probably that she wants to keep some things private, or maybe that she has 'friends' she thinks you might not approve of, or you might not like what they post. I wouldn't ask her or discuss it - this has happened to me (I've turned down someone's friend request and it's embarrassing to have to explain). I've also had a couple of friend requests turned down and don't want the people involved to have to justify themselves - I'd rather pretend I hadn't noticed, in order to keep things as they are.

CrapBag · 04/06/2015 22:10

Maybe she has no family on hers? I had 2 accounts at one point, 1 friends and 1 family. I deleted one in the end and added some family on to my friends account.

I'd find it hurtful too though. In fact I was in the same situation. I added my brother on to my second account, he had our siblings and all other relatives on but he didn't accept it. I asked him and he said he couldn't do it on his phone. He didn't delete it though. I did and added it again and he still didn't accept. When I saw him last time I asked him again because he is moving countries soon and I want to be able to keep in touch and he did finally accept it. No idea why he dithered about with it. We get on and always have done.

SugarOnTop · 04/06/2015 22:15

nerrsnerr Does she like you? that made me giggle

op - if your sure there's nothing else going on and this is out of the blue, then just ring her and mention it when chatting.

however.....if you have done something but have not been owning up to it then it might be a sign that she's not playing that game anymore, and you may need to proceed with an apology i love my sis but i have refused to add her back on fb, i don't like her behavior towards me or how she uses my fb info to play her games. for me, it's a healthy boundary.

2rebecca · 04/06/2015 22:36

If I asked my sister twice and she didn't accept me i wouldn't ask her. I would take the hint that for some reason (and the exact reason doesn't matter and is her business) she prefers not to have me as a facebook friend. Talk to her more on the phone or send her emails if you want to communicate more.
People use facebook for different things and to different extents.
Build on other aspects of your relationship and let the facebook thing drop.

Andylion · 04/06/2015 22:51

I use facebook a lot. I post a lot of silly stuff I know my family would never want to see. I have created a "family list" and I often change the setting to "everyone but this list" so they don't see my post. Alternatively, I have a list of certain friends from a social group and sometimes I limit my posts so only that list can see it.

There are ways, folks, there are ways.....

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread