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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not really sure this is AIBU but need advice with this situation

43 replies

Sierraspider · 04/06/2015 08:43

I don't know if this is a "AIBU" or not I just need advice.

I'm a babysitter/ cleaner/ pet sitter for my friend while she works. I go to her house 3 times a week from 8-8 and look after her daughter who is nearly 3, my friend allows me to bring my daughter who is nearly 4 years old to work with me, and this has been the aagreement the last 6 months, never had any issues. I look after her daughter like she was my own and complete all housework duties before my friend gets home and she is generally very happy with me.

There was an incident last week where my daughter and my friends daughter had a argument and there was hitting and pushing from both sides. I immediately broke it up and told them to both say sorry. Job done and sorted, or so I thought...

I then get told this morning that my friends housemate (who also has a daughter) told her my daughter has been being 'violent' to friends daughter and throwing stones at her on a regular basis. When I said to my friend I've never seen that sort of behavior before, she said the housemate had seen my daughter like this and had apprently told me and I ignored it. This is definitely not true and if it is, I was not informed about it so how could of I done anything?

My situation is now is that the housemate and I, were, very good friends and I do not understand at all why she'd lie like that. All shes done is caused tension between me and my friend. Basically, my friend has just said shed rather I not bring my daughter anymore, my problem is is that I can't afford childcare on the wage I am paid and have nobody who will babysit. I'm really upset at the whole situation and don't know what to do....I don't really know why my friend is taking the housemates word over mine. Do I approach it with the housemate (who I thought was my friend) and what do I say? Sorry for it being long. I know some of you may say its not a big deal but it is to me, as this is my job and both friends mean a lot to me. I just can't understand why this has been said. What would you do?

OP posts:

anyoldnameforathread · 04/06/2015 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Sierraspider · 04/06/2015 18:40

Well 'i had it out' with housemate and friend and turns out the housemate was lying. She half admitted it by saying it was a huge misunderstanding and she didnt mean to cause any trouble. The problem thats happened now is I've lost my job because the discussion turned into an argument between me and my friend who I was nannying for and 'friend' said some things I can not forgive when she thought the housemate was telling the truth. I haven't even got a sorry when she realised the housemate was telling lies about my daughter hurting her daughter. Its all a big mess and can't believe this has happened.

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 04/06/2015 18:45

She's employs you so she can't "just" sack, nor change your terms and conditions (taking your daughter)

At the very least she needs to pay you notice. Presume you are being paid above board and more than. Min wage with holidays ?

Tequilashotfor1 · 04/06/2015 18:54

I'm sure she will be in the phone soon when she realises she hasn't got some one to do all the work you did, she will find her self very stuck.

OR this was planned and it was a way to get rid of you. I'd be intrested to know what her back up nanny/house keeper idea is..,

Aermingers · 04/06/2015 19:11

I'm assuming you've got no contract for this right? Were you paying tax on the income? If not then you don't have a leg to stand on.

Let this be a lesson always to have a contract, a gentleman's agreement is worth nothing. If you enjoyed the job could you look at registering as q childminder?

ttc2015 · 04/06/2015 20:12

Is the friendship over too OP?

19lottie82 · 04/06/2015 20:22

Aermingers is right, unless the OP was declaring the income (and had been there for 2 years or more), then she can't do anything about this. The contract part doesn't matter as a verbal contract would have been formed...

Oh well OP at least you know who your friends are, I'm sorry these people have what on you!

FlorenceMattell · 05/06/2015 18:50

OP are you in the uk?
If you are I hope your friend has been paying your tax and NI. ? As an employer she is liable to pay this and HMRC can claim it back from her and fine her if she wasn't registered as an employer.
Has she been paying you at least the minimum wage ?
5.6 weeks paid holiday a year?
Did you have a contract ? If yes what was the notice period?

19lottie82 · 05/06/2015 18:54

Not if the OP was self employed, which sounds like the case, and her ex friend could easily claim. Bringing this up could open a huge can of worms...... IE the OP ends up owing the taxman a load of money.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 05/06/2015 18:58

For the hours the op works she can't be self employed and must be treated like an employee.

If it turns out no tax has been paid it is the employer who is liable.

Momagain1 · 05/06/2015 19:01

Housematte has a motive, and it isnt concern for your joint friend's daughter. I think housemate just doesnt want you around when she is home. If you leave, both you and your friend's lives are disrupted, and housemate may get an empty house during the day, if friends daughter ends up at nursery.

The5DayChicken · 05/06/2015 19:06

Sadly, not much can be done about this as it very much sounds like an informal, cash in hand agreement rather than formal employment.

FlorenceMattell · 05/06/2015 19:14

The tax man doesn't often consider nannies as self employed. Could the OP have rang up and said I'm not coming today I am sending x instead?
If the friend set the dates and times then OP was employed.
THe OP wouldn't owe the tax and NI as the employer is responsible for paying it and if they haven't the tax man will claim back from them and fine the friend. As long as the OP was claiming any benefits and not declaring income she would be fine.
Informal cash in hand are illegal.
It annoys me that so many people don't pay tax HMRC should crack down on it.

19lottie82 · 05/06/2015 19:37

Florence - I worked in a bar when I was younger and the owner told me he was paying my tax / NI. Turns out he wasn't. The HMRC got in touch with me years later and I had to pay them £2k.

Involving them in this won't work out well for the OP, trust me.

Original poster

Sierraspider · 06/06/2015 10:57

Hi again. I was self employed and I have an accountant who works my tax and NI out and has been 'taking' it from wages each month. I did not gwt holiday or sick pay. I do not claim any benefits at all accept the 82 pound a month child benefit which I think everyone gets? I had a contract, and my friend dictacted the hours and days. She paid me below minium wage but I accepted that as it was 'mates rates'. The friendship is completely over. I'm looking for another job higher than minium wage so I can afford childcare for my own daughter now and already have an interview, but its for employed not self employed. Just gutted in all this lost a friend. Well what I thought was a friend. I did a heck of a lot of work for her though regarding cleaning/ gardening so I doubt she will be able to replace me for what she was paying. When she realised the house mate was making it up instead of a sorry she just mumbled something about everyone gets confused sometimes. But this was after callingmy daughter all the names under the sun. I'm glad to be away from it to be honest. Thanks for your replies. I do have a question thougg do I need towait until April 2016 to tell hmrc im not self employed anymore?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sierraspider · 06/06/2015 10:59

Stupid phone sorry for lack of spaces and spelling mistakes!

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 06/06/2015 11:51

Understand why you're feeling rotten, but sounds like you're well out of the situation, and agree that other mother will miss you much more than you miss her!

Good luck with finding a better job.

Shame about the loss of a friend, but she wasn't really a friend, was she.

notapizzaeater · 06/06/2015 14:26

I don't think hmrc will agree you are self employed therefore she should be paying you above min wage with holiday pay on top. I'd be Getting some advice and then deciding what to do about it. You say u have a contract what does it say ? Does it mention cancelling the contract ?

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