I am being completely U and petty

[startrek90]

I know that I am being ungrateful and more than a little petty right now but I want to vent.

I have a DS and he is the second GC. Everytime I go to buy him something from clothes to toys to equipment my SIL gets in first. I don't care about hand-me-downs but its the fact she gives us things saying she wants them back and DH won't let me buy anything because we have been lent the very thing I want to buy! I just want my baby to have SOMETHING from me. I know it's pathetic and I am so lucky to have a kind family but I feel like I am not providing for my baby :-(

Just recently I wanted to buy DS a walker only for SIL (unasked) to bring her DS's old one. I said thank you and DS loves it but I feel a little sad as I was so looking forward to giving my baby something from me.

Also I think part of it is I will have to give it all back and I will have nothing from DS's baby days left :-(

Fully prepared to be flamed.

From what I've read regarding walkers delaying children, it's excessive use which is damaging. Plonking baby in a walker and leaving them there for 8 hours watching cbeebies-not good. Putting baby in a walker for 10 mins to break their boredom and give them a bit of fun-great, no problem at all.

I think you need to have this conversation with your DH-he wont let you buy stuff? Wtf is that about, since when was permission required?
Tell him you want to buy some things & you will be doing so, also add that nobody likes doing the baby mess thing but as it's his sisters hand me downs that are going back he needs to do his fair share.

I can understand the general sentiment here, but I think it's very strange that you would like to buy your own walker (or bouncy chair, or whatever). They are really unattractive plastic heaps. I was never so happy as the day I got rid of mine.

I think your husband is being controlling, but honestly, if my husband were saying he wanted to buy his own walker when a friend was offering one for free, I'd be incredibly irritated.

Surely it's not unreasonable for you to want to buy your own clothes. I guess it depends on your financial position.

Stop looking after them so well. SIL will stop lending them

I'd not tell my DH in this situation. I'd just go and buy what was needed then show him. Is he likely to be angry if you do this? Something about is doesn't sit right. He seems to get to make decisions about what is borrowed without informing you and you are basically told you can't buy what you wanted to buy, plus he won't do the messy baby stuff so has no idea?! Wft. Excuse to be a lazy arse dad by the sounds of it.

YANBU, I'd hate to borrow stuff that I thought could never get messy or accidently ruined. It's unlikely we are going to have more DC but I still have a loft full of baby stuff that I can't bear to part with yet so I get where you are coming from with not having anything kept from when he was a baby. I did get rid of the massive activity station though and couldn't wait to do so!

First posters idea of putting the money aside and getting something special is a good one. I have baby boxes with bits in, a baby gro, hand knitted cardy, record books that were meticulously filled in, pictures, little tooth boxes, shoes, I have the month by month frames with all the relevant photos in. I also had their hands and footprints made into a necklace so I can keep it. There are lots of ways to make and keep baby memories. I also have separate baby photo albums that aren't just thrown in with all our other photo albums. DCs love looking at them. They love photo books too.

How old is your son? We've kept very few baby clothes long-term, just a few babygros and maybe a special tshirt (eg the 'I am One' tshirt we bought for our daughter's first birthday) and a few outfits we were especially keen on.

My sister gave us lots of clothes, but it was well-worn stuff that we could either chuck or pass on afterwards. As your son grows up you might find you get less from her, as older children's clothes tend to get more worn out and aren't always in a state to be handed on.

How about buying a babygro you really like? A top you really like? A special teddy bear? A pram blanket? Just so you have a few things that you have chosen for your child, and can keep if you want to.

Having to keep stuff in good condition must be really wearing. My SIL gave us some white newborn babygros as a loan - I hardly ever used them as the thought of having to get out milk and poo stains to hand them back pristine was too stressful.

When you say your DH won't let you buy things - do you have access to money? Do you have to justify shopping to him? What would happen if you came back from the supermarket with a multipack of baby vests? Unless your household is seriously struggling financially these are just normal purchases.