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AIBU?

To ask how to deal with the stupid and sexist comments

60 replies

Charlie97 · 03/06/2015 18:47

I work in the office as the only female with five men. The stupid, inane and irritating comments are non-stop and quite honestly beyond irritating.

Todays range from, "I was waiting for a women with big tits to come up and I was going to give her the answer to the quiz", " I can't watch porn on my phone anymore as I have no more space", "women can't reverse park, everyone knows that" and "I'm going to tell the bitch no!"

Now these may sound petty, but when it is five days a week and constant it drives me mad.

They stereotype all men/women as men earn more, have higher sex drives and women just earn "pin money" and never want sex once they are married. They all want to drag men up the aisle against their will. All men watch porn and all women are trying to constantly tame them and their torrid affairs. (All of them are talking rubbish and when with their wives are totally subservient, that make be an interesting fact).

We have a young male graduate started, he is currently learning to drive, is a very nice young man, but he is starting the crap also! Obviously thinking this is acceptable office banter.

Some comment from him last week about women not being able to reverse, from someone that's not even passed his fecking driving test. I was tempted to make him look an absolute dick head by pointing this out and saying once you've passed your test come back and talk to me, but as he was new I decided to spare him the embarrassment.

I am sick of it, it's not funny, it's a constant battle me against the whole office. The main culprits are the partners.........who think they are hilarious.

Do I send an official email saying that enough is enough and stop demeaning me and every women by constantly talking sexist crap, this will be sent all round the office by the partners, which result in much giggling and "oh Charlie is upset" snigger, snigger! Do I come back with some wonderful one-liners? Assuming I can think of some. Please give me some!

Argghhh

OP posts:

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DoraGora · 04/06/2015 10:09

Put headphones on. I wouldn't go out of my way to make myself unpopular and interrupt their stupid banter all the time, achieving nothing and causing conflict. But, I wouldn't want to listen to it, either. If there was anyone there that I actually liked and got along with, I'd confide in him, eventually, but ask him to treat the information sensitively. The last thing you want to do is become part of the joke culture.

Unfortunately, they sound like arseholes. I wish that I was half as diplomatic as you are.

DoraGora · 04/06/2015 10:11

I worked in an abattoir. If you think an office is bad, you ain't seen nothin.

Littleen · 04/06/2015 10:19

I'd just tell them straight what I meant. Personally I would've snapped a while ago I think!

LadyNym · 04/06/2015 10:46

I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't have to put up with this, that you should be able to sort it through official channels etc.

But, if you know complaining won't do anything other than make them worse then you could try something like the following (though, I'll stress you shouldn't have to).

If they start going on about women not wanting sex: 'Hmm, that's weird. All the women I know love sex...unless it's with men who are shit in bed. Interesting that you're experience is women don't like sex...'

If they say something about men wanting affairs: Look them up and down and say, 'Yeah, I'm sure your wife has never considered having an affair!'

If they start the whole 'women are shit drivers' bollocks: 'Mmmm...yeah, that's why men's car insurance is so much higher; because women are shit drivers...'

If they mention having been dragged up the aisle: 'That's why you act like such a pussy-whipped mouse when your wife's around, is it?'

I know it's a crappy situation and feel free to disregard all that if you think it will just encourage them.

LadyNym · 04/06/2015 10:47

Oh, bugger. That should be 'your experience'.

TedAndLola · 04/06/2015 11:51

I am the only woman in my office, in a VERY male-dominated industry, and this wouldn't be tolerated by anybody. Please don't think you are oversensitive or that this is normal - it isn't.

Charlie97 · 04/06/2015 12:03

Ok I've sent an email to the partners!

Along the lines of it's too much, demeaning and making me uncomfortable. That it has become an 'all boys' office and it's not right.

That I don't want the new guy to think it's acceptable to talk to me like they do.

Wait and see.....

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ScorpioMermaid · 04/06/2015 12:12

My DH had similar where he worked. only man with 6 women. he hated it, they were always making comments and he always ended up with the crap shifts (starting at 5am or finishing at 9.30pm) because 'the other staff have kids' the women didn't want to work outside school hours and pay childcare we have kids, 8 of them but it was ok cos I'm a SAHM, doesnt matter that I couldn't plan ANYTHING as he didn't know what shifts he was doing til they had all had their dip on the rota ill stop ranting before I explode he got totally shit on when he was there. one was a home wrecker aswell and constantly pursued my DH from the moment she started working. he ended up leaving as he couldn't stand it anymore.

maybe you should do the same?

Rafterplease · 04/06/2015 13:37

You are not being over sensitive. You are not required to put up with it.

Rafterplease · 04/06/2015 13:40

Oh, and I think the advice to give as good as you get, while well meaning, is not good advice. It'll sap your energy, it's 6 vs 1 and you can't keep up, and most importantly it'll hugely complicate your position as they'll be able to argue it was just banter. If you never rise to it then they can't argue that and it's clearly sexist/bullying.

DadDadDad · 04/06/2015 13:46

Just on a point of information, LadyNym, because of the Gender Directive, men and women pay the same premium for car insurance. But you are right that historically women paid less than men.

guinnessguzzler · 04/06/2015 13:49

Good on you for sending the email and good luck with it.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 04/06/2015 13:55

Pleased to see you've got the ball rolling by emailing the partners. Also pleased to see that they'd be buggered if you left. It's really not ok to work like this. It's belittling and exhausting.

I hope things improve, whether it's by moving on or the place actually changing. If they lose someone they value for the sake of their sexist "banter" then maybe it'll start opening their eyes.

InfiniteJest · 04/06/2015 14:12

Well done for standing up to them and sending the email, OP. Hope they don't just brush you off. You've done the right thing in challenging them.

DoJo · 04/06/2015 14:39

I think there might be some mileage in asking how they would feel if their wives/sisters/mothers were working in the kind of environment that they are creating, if they had to listen to their whole sex being denigrated and derided. I bet they would be horrified to think of someone close to them putting up with this kind of shit.

Charlie97 · 04/06/2015 15:41

Response was

Charlie97
Appreciate that you have flagged this to us and we will act accordingly.
Apologies if you are feeling uncomfortable; that is obviously never our intention.
Partner1 and partner2

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FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 04/06/2015 15:45

It's a good response, let's hope it doesn't translate into inaction.

Keep a paper trail if nothing changes. Good luck.

DoJo · 04/06/2015 17:33

That's something - they have at least acknowledged that you are uncomfortable, and now that they definitely know how you feel about it, they will have a harder time pretending that it's all 'just banter' that you should put up with. Let's hope they actually deal with it - please keep us posted!

IggyStrop · 04/06/2015 17:48

Urgh, what a fucking awful environment to spend the majority of your days in. Well done for flagging it up.

Charlie97 · 05/06/2015 09:29

So now.........

One of them is leeching over his sons 13 year old girlfriend!

Revolting!!

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Rafterplease · 05/06/2015 10:06

Write it all down...

2boys2girls · 05/06/2015 19:35

I'm not convinced this thread is real ! The leeching bit just did it for me

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Charlie97 · 05/06/2015 20:26

It's real, I can assure you! Not sure how I prove it though.

OP posts:

DrJacoby · 06/06/2015 05:11

Sadly I have met men like this. How is it so hard to believe creepy men who leer at teenagers are out there? Plenty of creeps wolf whistled at me when I was a kid, in school uniform.

What did your managers say about the latest incident, op?

Charlie97 · 06/06/2015 05:19

Dr Jacoby..... It was one of the managers (partners) ..... I'm fighting a losing battle I think

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