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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ignore phone calls from people I don't want to speak to?

27 replies

909090Gertrude · 03/06/2015 10:08

A family member has a habit of phoning me frequently (like at least once a day) to update me on various things happening in his life (nothing major like health problems or emotional problems just usual boring life stuff). I'm getting really sick of this -mainly because of how one sided the conversations are but also because, bluntly, I'm not that interested.

It's possible that this person is lonely and so I have been fairly tolerant in the past, but my patience is dwindling and the phone calls are getting more frequent and more tedious.

AIBU to ignore the calls and only pick up, say, once every 2 or 3 days?

OP posts:
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 03/06/2015 10:16

Of course yanbu.

NomiMalone · 03/06/2015 10:17

YANBU.

A phone call is an invitation to talk, not a demand.

I never answer my home phone during the day. It's always fecking PPI and "Microsoft" scammers.

Frecklefeatures · 03/06/2015 10:20

No, I do this too. My mother calls and tells me the same news I've already had when I visited her, plus she may also have sent it via email/Facebook too! It's often intimate details of her friends' (who i have never met) medical issues, or a list of everything she has eaten that day. I phone her back once guilt gets the better of me, but I'm really busy and find the calls draining as I'm sitting thinking of all the other things I've got to do. She's got an active life, isn't ill/lonely/sad, she just likes to talk (at me)!

NinkyNonkers · 03/06/2015 10:36

I rarely answer the phone. If someone wants me badly they will leave a voicemail or call again.

Original poster
909090Gertrude · 03/06/2015 10:52

Phew, glad people think IANBU. Why do I feel so naughty/guilty?!

I just switched the ringer off Grin

OP posts:
bluebell345 · 03/06/2015 10:57

YANBU, just use the phone when you need to ring someone. :)

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/06/2015 11:11

I ignore people all the time. I figure if it's really important they'll call again, invariably they do not.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 03/06/2015 11:21

NinkyNonkers - that makes no sense. If somebody calls again - you still wouldn't answer it?!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 03/06/2015 11:22

YANBU. I'm currently ignoring an annoying agency. They don't seem to understand that trebling my commute for less money is not in my interest.

fortyfide · 03/06/2015 11:22

Cold callers all deserve to be ignored. And they have cause many people not to answer their landline phone at all Which is a shame

Relatives, well some can be too persistent. Maybe we should try and humour them out of their phone addiction

KingTut · 03/06/2015 11:27

The relief when you allow yourself to not answer the door or phone if it's not a good time is great.

I had a neighbour who was similar to your relative. It took a while and he is clearly making things up about me as I am being thrown daggers by other neighbours. It's worth it to escape his boring me with his meals and movements that day, the final straw waa when he had a romantic crush on me.

TedAndLola · 03/06/2015 11:34

This is one of the many reasons I got rid of my phone. So many people now think a phone call must be answered, even if you're talking face-to-face with someone else at the time. People were getting shitty with me because I was ignoring calls when it wasn't convenient, or when I just didn't want to talk.

Now they have to email or message me on Facebook and there isn't the same expectation of an immediate reply. It's been two years and I haven't regretted ditching the phone for a moment.

Fluffyears · 03/06/2015 12:14

I don't answer house phone as it is always MIL and I hate speaking to her it feels awkward. I let DP answer it.

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/06/2015 12:19

I do this, and also refuse to answer calls or texts after my bedtime. I have one family member who's a repeat offender and one who did it for the first time last night. I can't turn my phone off or the alarm doesn't go off. Sad

Skiptonlass · 03/06/2015 12:24

Most phones have a sleep function, I know my iPhone has an evening one where you can set it not to ring between whatever times you like. The alarm still goes off :)

HootyMcTooty · 03/06/2015 12:28

Surely everyone ignores calls, I do it frequently

RackofPeas · 03/06/2015 12:30

Yanbu at all.
If I'm doing something I can't easily stop I ignore the phone, especially if I'm on the loo - which seems to be a prime time for cold callers!
I've got in the habit of silencing it during the little ones naps - but I'm crap at remembering to turn it back on.

EeekEeekEeekEeek · 03/06/2015 12:35

Totally fine. As a PP said, the phone ring is an invitation to chat, not a demand. I screen calls from a particular relative who gets all huffy and hurt if I answer but can't chat (even if I'm carrying a screechy baby at the time and it's obviously not a good time) - it's easier to not pick up!

KnittyFoxyMa · 03/06/2015 12:39

I'm so glad you posted, I had a huge argument about this the other day! YANBU!!! The phone is an instrument, not our master!!! I have caller display, and have to yell to the rest of family to leave the phone if I have seen it is someone I don't want to talk to immediately. We have call screening too, that is, the answering machine is always on. My Aunty has an unerring habit of calling at really awkward times, and if I answer, she will insist on coming over, even if I say i need to go out etc. i try to call her once a week, and do colouring while she moans at me for 20 mins...

selby · 03/06/2015 12:41

I have Caller ID and I rarely answer it if I don't recognise the number. If it's important, they can ring back or leave a message or contact me another way - mobile/text/email! This filters the majority of junk calls I unwittingly answer.

Theycallmemellowjello · 03/06/2015 12:41

Not unreasonable at all but I think it's a fair assumption that this person IS lonely. So if you care for them you might prefer to have a conversation about how busy you are/what would be an appropriate frequency of calls, rather than just ignoring. And maybe encouraging the person to volunteer or join a WI or whatever is appropriate so they can get a bit more social contact.

Justusemyname · 03/06/2015 12:42

YANBU

My FIL rings about four times a week. Far too much. Never get a chance to ring him. DH doesn't always answer. FIL doesn't ring his other child as much, just once a week Hmm.

BabyMurloc · 03/06/2015 12:44

YANBU. Most people screen calls. You should not be expected to always answer your phone all the time, especially "just to chat".

I can never decide if these are worse than my immediate relative who only ever calls if they need something and then tells you the problem asks how you are and hangs up before you answer...

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 03/06/2015 12:59

My Dsis always wants to be on the phone for an hour, so I only answer if I know I can spare the time. If I don't get to the phone in time and call her back, she never answers...
I also never answer unrecognised numbers - they can always leave a message.

I've never understood this compulsion some people have to answer every call, no matter how inconvenient.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 03/06/2015 13:06

Answer? Phone?
Only if I see it is somebody I want to speak to!
Mobile is always on silent. I have no house phone.
Not unreasonable at all.
You don't always speak to people every time you pass them ( conversation as opposed to hello!)