AIBU job related sickness/compassionate leave

[whatisforteamum]

Last week i text my boss i would be late as DF (late stage cancer) was in agony and vomiting with high temp and needed hospital,When he was allowed home i went staight in and made up the time.
During the week i felt unwell bad headache and sweating and text to say i would be off as i had bug my dh had the week before,1 day missed ,
This sun i discover at the managers meeting it was decided that 3 absences require a meeting with the boss.Some people have had 14 or more and barely turn up for work.They have been doing it for a yr.
I asked my boss and he said any absence counts..parental (never been off for my dcs) and compassionate !!!
That night i cried he knows my df is v ill and the stress i have at home i love working and always do extra double hrs for about 6 months.
In 11 yrs ive barely had time off,,2 1/2 weeks last yr stress related weight loss,1 eve and 1 day the last year,No days off for 8 yrs.
I am worried sick as my job gives me something to focus on with dd looking for work though she got a college placement,dh s health probs and Df dying.
Would my boss be able to get rid of me if i have to take time off as i wasnt planning on taking much but will probably have to when df gets worse or goes into a hospice or whatever,dfs scan results tue reveal the cancer is bigger and spread as expected :(
This latest rule is making me feel angry/ STRESSED out.Any advice from managers or hr people.?

I think if you're in a union you should have involved them by now. If not you should be consulting ACAS as if I remember rightly this has been going on for some time - very stressful for you.

God, that's awful. I didn't think that compassionate leave/ carers leave counted towards sickness absence - can you speak directly to someone in HR? so sorry you've got this stress on top of everything else

Do they use that God awful Bradford points thing?

No idea though i do understand you need reliable pple to run a business.If there is a system it has not been applied in the last 18 months since takeover i feel at the end of my tether
.I have rung ACas and will again,One young manager told me its to stop lots of petty ilnesses.One of my male colleagues said "you cant just be off because you are poorly !"
my dh had first day off since his heart attack feelig dreadful and my DS had it on off all week guess my lack of sleep sat eve when df couldnt sleep for bone pain and my dh came home drunk run me down and i picked something up.:(

I havent had compassoinate leave yet df is still alive it is 2-3 days then up to my manager who is so bullying 3 pple left and 2 have reported his behaviour to head office and been assured he is being investigated.

Some companies are ridiculous about this. I remember when a colleague of mine got hit by a car which mounted the pavement. He broke a collar bone and was off for some time. Subsequently the company decided to do a blitz on attendance rates and solemnly called him in for an interview about why he had had so much time off and what he intended to do to improve the situation. When asked that question, he said he intended to do precisely nothing and asked them what they expected him to do to guarantee that he would never again be on a pavement at the precise moment that an out of control car mounted it; and he said that having to take time attending pointless interviews wasn't exactly helping his productivity either. He then filed a formal grievance which tied up HR even further before it was upheld by a manager who was, fortunately, quite forthright in his condemnation of the batshit stupidity of it all.

then email head office and ask them to clarify if this is now a company policy or one just your manager is putting in place.

It's perfectly normal and reasonable to have a meeting after three absences.

However, at that meeting yoyr manager should be able to work with you to fund a solution that is acceptable for everyone (eg, swapping shifts, making up time later, taking unpaid leave). It should be a supportive discussion, not a "disciplinary".

No days off for 8 yrs.

Erm, what, OP? What sort of contract are you on?! Have you really taken no leave for 8 years?!

It sounds like they are using the Bradford system. Potentially their hands may be tied. Possibly the other people have had meetings and you don't know. Or that they were on long term sick which doesn't trigger it. Get the advice suggested and go to the meeting. Hopefully it will just be a formality to document it and record the reason. If they are going to stick to Bradford it may mean a warning, if they do that I would take it further.

Good luck, I hope it is just a formality, it sounds like you're having a terrible time. You never know though, potentially they may surprise you and just tell you that they think it's best you take a paid leave of absence. If they don't they're bastards.

Crikey at the place I work (and the one before), we have a 'back to work' interview with our line manager after every absence, even 1 day.

Its mainly a chat to see what was wrong and whether there is anything they can do to help.

If you worked for me, I would sit you down and tell you HR have this stupid blanket policy where 3 absences in under X time resulted in a discussion regarding absense. I know you have valid reasons for being off, and I will support you through this meeting. Can we please treat it as a tick box HR excerise?

Under different circumstances, I have done this with a direct report. I argued til I was blue in the face that it was innapropiate, but HR insisted. So we had the meeting, and I basically started with "I understand we are here to discuss B's attendance and sick notes, however I am compleatly happy with the reasons supplied, and the duration of each absence - mainly backed up with GP sick notes.

FWIW, might it be worth getting the GP to sign you off for a short while? Be careful what the reason is: stress may trigger another process at work.

I've also authorised small amounts of compasionate leave where a close family member has been taken into hospital suddenly.

Perhaps I'm too soft, but I work on the principle that if you give people time and space when they need it, they will respond by putting themselves out when you need extra work etc. Its worked pretty well for me but then I not getting the promotions, I think I have the support of my team and manager

we are supposed to have a back to work meeting which ive never seen done and 48 hrs off for d and v which no one has just seems like making the rules as they go along.
I can feel my heart pounding with the stress of it all and rude colleagues who have no idea what family illness feels like as they have no dependants.
DISAPPOINTED i meant to say no absence for 8 yrs.

thank you all for the great advice and i do understand that if you have a health condition maybe jobs that are very physically demanding like mine are not suitable if you have a bad back for instance it is just my job is my lifeline :)

I hate the 3 day thing, I took one day off for DS then has a miscarriage so missed a day, returned to work but realised I shouldn't have took another day off, got called in for my 3 episodes and was asked "what could I do to limit them"

I replied not shag and give DS up for adoption....Que faces...

I left the company.

im so sorry gingercuddlemonster about your miscarriage . i did point out if my DMS incurable cancer returns again this yr i am screwed.
Surely the fact ive gone over and above my hrs for yrs counts and the fact i cant help my parents both having cancer and have never used it as an excuse or anything,

Most good workplaces do this.

You are allowed emergency dependants leave which is what your time off to help DF would fall into.

I would outline the challenges you are facing at the moment. Tell them what you and they can reasonably expect going forward.

For what it's worth you have the right to request flexible working and because you DF has cancer you are protected under discrimination law as cancer is automatically a disability and you are protectd by association as he is a dependent. I would have an honest discussion around how you can work with them to lessen the impact on your colleagues and help yourself. That is essentially what these meetings are for.

one colleague has offered swops which i am more than happy to make up time on my other days off it just feels like a finger wagging at the naughty person who dared to be ill.I realise the young mostly single with no dependants at the meeting think how the would cope not realizing the constant stress of 2 ill parents over a few yrs culminating in dfs worsening state.
I have kept my manager informed and i do dave db and hospice nurses to support him too.I am aware cancer is classed as a disability and if my colleague tells me again our parents will die deal with it i will take action against him.
My boss did say there were extenuating circumstances for some pple i just want to be clear before i work through dfs illness then lose my job as i would rather liveon savings now and help him and dm the best i can.

I understand why this is so stressful. It must feel horrible not to feel supported by your employer when you're having such a tough time.

I also worked in a place that had back to work meetings even if the absences were completely legitimate. I was required to attend one after having an operation! Please don't think that having this meeting means you are never allowed time off work again.