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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I close the case or I just wave 50%of the debt?

24 replies

Aaaa8888 · 02/06/2015 21:51

My ex-husband came to live with me. He has been here since December 2014. We have 2 children together 8 and 9 years old. We divorced in 2011 because he decided to meet another woman. Well, after all these years I accepted him back. Now he lives with me and he owed me more than 10 k in child support. He wants me to close the case and wave all the child support debt. He is an a very bad financial situation. I know he can't pay. Now, He has a new job and he has being helping with bills and food. If you were me. Would you close the case or would you wave only the half of the debt? we have a history of bad relationship.

OP posts:
Athenaviolet · 02/06/2015 21:53

No he should pay what he owes.

GermanHouseCat · 02/06/2015 21:56

He needs to pay. What if he leaves you again?

Fairylea · 02/06/2015 21:57

Stating the obvious ... but he doesn't sound like the best catch. .. why would you have him back?! Why didn't he pay? Even if he was on benefits he should have been paying something.

SquiddlyDiddlyDoo · 02/06/2015 21:59

When you say close the case I assume you mean that you have actively started legal proceedings against him?

If so, bear in mind that you cant sue anyone for what they don't actually have. If he doesn't actually have the money to pay you, your choice is to (i) settle for whatever he can offer and leave it there, or (ii) continue to sue him and send him bankrupt. If you send him bankrupt you will only get what he actually has and then the rest will be written off as bad debt. Being made bankrupt can make getting future jobs harder, which will affect you going forward.

To be honest I would try to negotiate a payment plan with him. If he doesn't go for it, come down to a figure around half of the debt and either ask for it up front or in a payment plan. If not, sue him and see what he actually has that you can get.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 02/06/2015 22:00

When you say "very bad financial situation", is this what he's told you, or has he got proof of his debts? Frankly, I'd sling him out. His presence under your roof associates YOUR address with HIS bad credit record. In the worst case scenario, he may be forging your signature to get credit and intercepting the post.

Get a credit check, don't waive any of the debt and tell us if he kicks off.

ragged · 02/06/2015 22:03

Is he paying any rent to you now??

ilovesooty · 02/06/2015 22:07

Why on earth is he in your house anyway?

Original poster
Aaaa8888 · 02/06/2015 22:10

Thank you for your responses. I haven't seen his credit, but bank reposed his two cars. I didn't remarried him. I really don't want to because I passed the worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aaaa8888 · 02/06/2015 22:11

He ended up living here because he was very sick and no job. Now he is better and he has a new job.

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 02/06/2015 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mirador · 02/06/2015 23:01

It must be pretty stressful for you atm.

I think SquiddlyDiddlyDoo advice is spot on regarding any potential payments.

I think you should also calmly remind him when you have a talk about it that he doesn't owe you the money, he owes his children the money.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/06/2015 23:08

Why aren't the government going after him. They're quick enough to go after a women thus by forcing get out to work. Not so big determind and brave when it comes to targeting the men who walk away. Where are you in this case dastardly Dave
He should pay you what he owes you or rather your children

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2015 23:10

Sorry to be so brutal, but he is a user and a taker. If you close the case it's just one more responsibility he's successfully wriggled his way out of.

icelollycraving · 02/06/2015 23:13

No,I would pursue the money.
I say it but I'm online & who knows what I'd really do. I've written debts off from exes before just because pursuing it would have been a pain in the arse and I'm a soft touch.
You sound very kind to have allowed him back. What's in it for you?

Original poster
Aaaa8888 · 02/06/2015 23:15

Yes, I should make him responsible!

OP posts:
FeckTheMagicDragon · 02/06/2015 23:31

So you helped him back on his feet and gave him a roof and bed when he needed it. Now he's getting back on his feet he wants to repay you by wiping out all the past debt? Don't you think if he was really grateful he'd be making it a priority to try and repay you? After all I bet you had to struggle without that money. And what had his lifestyle been like? Did you say 2 cars?

Aussiemum78 · 02/06/2015 23:32

He has a job now, has he started paying again? Is he paying rent?

Also, are you receiving any welfare? Could it get you in trouble if it looks like you aren't a single parent? Be careful.

missymayhemsmum · 02/06/2015 23:48

Prioritise getting him to pay a regular useful amount, then agree to him paying off the arrears over a period. I wouldn't write it off, but 'defer' it until he can pay, so long as he now pays the assessed monthly amount (if you are not together?) or puts his income into the joint account (if you are? )
And yes, get a credit check so you know what he is up to.

googoodolly · 03/06/2015 07:02

I would guess he's staying with you to try and get you to waive his debts, and as soon as you have done, he'll bugger off and you'll never get your money.

Also, as a PP said, are you getting any lone parent benefits/tax credits as a single parent? Because if he's living with you, you shouldn't be claiming anything like that, and you could be made to repay it all if you're caught.

Penfold007 · 03/06/2015 07:12

He's been lodging with you for six months far too soon to be even thinking about waiving or halving the debt.

charlestonchaplin · 03/06/2015 09:36

I think SquiddlyDiddlyDoo has given some dud advice. First of all, isn't it the CSA or whatever it calls itself now that takes the case to court (for a modest fee)? They will be aware of the various methods of enforcing payment which are very unlikely to include bankruptcy.

Do you have a court order that says he owes you the money? If you do then you can ask for an 'attachment of earnings' since you say he has a job. This means his employer will deduct some money from his earnings before he gets paid.

If he has assets you can ask for the judgement to be moved to the High Court and get a writ of Fi Fa, which basically means sending the bailiffs in.

If your relationship is currently fairly amicable, you need to consider the effect of these measures on the relationship and therefore your children. Don't close the case, he may be off soon. A compromise would be to come to an agreement on a small, easily manageable amount for him to pay each month (agree with Squiddly here) but through the CSA so the case remains open. I don't know if this is possible.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/06/2015 09:43

It doesn't matter if you have or have not remarried him the fact he is living at your address will be affecting your credit rating. Now he is well and on his feet he needs to find somewhere else to live untill he has paid off all his debts including yours.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/06/2015 09:48

The CSA can only get his employer to add an attachment of earnings after several months. Test of the water is if he continues in that job after the first payment has been taken. Know a number of exhs who move jobs regularly so the CSA cannot get them. When they move jobs the clock starts again as far as the CSA are concerned and after so many months the ex moves jobs again.

wanttosqueezeyou · 03/06/2015 09:49

Which country do you live in?

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