to be annoyed with my consultant?

[spanakopita]

Hi everyone. First time poster here. Today I had an appointment with a consultant about a possible short cervix due to past cone biopsy. I'm 19w pregnant. My partner joined me at the hospital. AIBU to find it rude that she asked if my pregnancy was planned, presumably because we aren't married? I was too taken aback to ask why she asked. For the record, it was planned and we're over the moon. Surely there wasn't a medical reason for asking? Thanks

I think my midwife asked was mine planned. I think it's just a general enquiry not a judgement! Nearly half of all pregnancy are outside of marriage now anyway.

YABU
There could be a medical difference between a planned and unplanned pregnancy, such as has folic acid been taken.

I was asked both times - I'm married. Fairly normal to ask in this context. When random people in the supermarket ask then get annoyed. With so many people having dc outside of marriage I really don't think a consultant is making that link.

I think the consultant will have seen plenty of unmarried pregnant women. Far too many too care if yours is planned or not.

It may have been to see if you had chance to get advice pre-pregnancy about possible complications and options due to your condition/medical situation.

YABU. It's a standard question.

It's part of a standard history taking isn't it?

They ask everyone I believe, I certainly didn't think there was any judgement attached to it.

Thanks everyone. I was just a bit put off by her offhand manner. Maybe she was having a bad day

Like someone above said I think its because of the folic acid intake.

At least your consultant didn't imply you were lying because you'd never had a false alarm pregnancy ever. Her exact words were, "What, you've never thought 'oo I might be pregnant' before?"

I'm married, it's my second and I've still been asked by the GP, midwives and health visitor. Don't take it personally.

Loads of people are unmarried and pregnant, unless she just arrived in UK it would be odd if she hasn't encountered it before!

Half of pregnancies that go ahead are unplanned I think.

She could be wondering:

• whether you had been/ should have been seen by Gynae before getting pregnant to discuss whether your short cervix could cause problems
• whether you had prenatal care eg folic acid
• your attitudes to your pregnancy in general so she can frame her discussion appropriately

I can think of those off the top of my head and I'm not a gynaecologist, so I imagine there are other reasons it may be relevant.

And congratulations!

Yabvu get over yourself, they ask everyone. It's to work out your care not to judge you. No one actually cares that much

That's a bit unnecessary Peppa, she's already said she was BU and thanked everyone for explaining!

Ah I missed that post. I apologise if thats the case.

Thanks again. Just to be clear, I wouldn't think less of anyone who had an unplanned pregnancy, I just thought I might be being judged. The question wasn't followed up with anything that explained why she asked, which is why I was confused. I appreciate the clarification, as you can probably tell I'm new to this

Heads up then... They will ask you about your home situation and domestic violence at some point. I've been pg 3 times in 3 parts if the country total opposite ends. All asked. Not to judge, to help if there was a risk ( no risk, happily married, wanted children, lives in naice area Ect) don't sweat it. They are just doing their jobs

I think YANBU - if she wanted to know if you'd been taking folic acid she should have asked you that. If she wanted to know how you're feeling about the pregnancy in general then she could ask, 'how are you feeling about the pregnancy?'.
I think there is no need to know whether a baby is planned or not - it's a bit personal I think and I can see how it would sound judgemental.

Yep I was asked too.. Pretty standard I think.

I can see how it would sound judgemental
I don't, my first pregnancy wasn't planned, though I'd been married for two years. It was clinically relevant as I was on medication known to be teratogenic and I'd not taken folic acid. That was a fact, not a judgement.

Standard question. Indicates whether you were taking folic acid, drinking, eating with being pregnant in mind.