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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going on holiday without your child.

36 replies

inmyshoos · 02/06/2015 09:21

My exh has a new partner and 2dc as do i. We have a son together who is 11.

Ds does go on holiday with them sometimes but they do also go away without him just taking his other 2 dc.

I have mixed feelings about it so just wanted to know what others think really.

Aibu to think he should always include him as he is also his dc or should they be able to enjoy a holiday with just their own little family. Dh and i only ever holiday with all the dc but then ds lives with us.

OP posts:

patienceisvirtuous · 02/06/2015 15:46

The dad is being unreasonable to exclude his child.

SurlyCue · 02/06/2015 15:52

An older child would change the dynamic of the family quite a bit than just taking the two youngest.

Yes, but that older child is just as much his child as the others. I have two DC. Would it be acceptable for me to decide one cant come as the age difference means the dynamic would be different with the older/younger there? Whilst i agree there are factors which mean it isnt always practical to take a child who lives with another parent i do not think "he changes the dynamic" is a reason! Everyone in the family brings something to the holiday and affects the dynamic!

Personally i think if planning a family holiday you should plan for all your children to come. However if upon further investigation (clash with school dates/other parent taking them on holiday) it proves not possible then that is unfortunate but ok. I dont think affordability is a good enough excuse either tbh. If you can afford to take DC3 and 4 but not DC 1 and 2 (who live elsewhere) then you could just as easily take DC 1 and 2 and leave 3 and 4 at home. Or as everyone else does, book a cheaper holiday.

SurlyCue · 02/06/2015 15:57

Does no-one care if the sister is upset if her half brother has been away with his mother?

Umm, the father is their shared father! He has given something to one of his children that he didnt give to his other. The DS's mother is nothing to do with half sister! She isnt being unfair not to include her EXh's child in her holidays!

SurlyCue · 02/06/2015 16:04

If you argue that the shared child (1) should always go on holiday with both parents when the go, and both mother and father take holidays then 1 goes on twice as many holidays as the 2/2.

Ridiculous! So if dad decides he is having 3 holidays this year and mum decides on 2 you are saying that the shared child can only go on a total of 2 holidays because his siblings on mum's side will only get two holidays? And because he lives with mum he will be on her holidays so therefore cant go on any of dad's holidays? Or maybe work it out proportionally as some have suggested- he spends 90% of his time with mum so he can go on 10% of dad's 3 holidays

Original poster

inmyshoos · 02/06/2015 16:38

I do consider that ds has more holidays than my other 2dc as he does go on some really great holidays with his Dad. However DS has to fit into each family. Being a child of parents who are apart brings its own set of difficulties and i would like to think more holidays might be a much needed perk.

I would never have a prooer holiday with all my dc. We might do daytrips when ds away with his Dad but i tend to do stuff that he doesnt really enjoy but dd1 and dd2 do. That way he doesnt ever feel he is missing out.

I just feel for ds. Along with the holidays his siblings on Dads side have all the latest gadgets and are head to toe in the boden. Ds is just getting to that age where he is noticing these things and i suppose feeling a little hard done to. Puberty isnt helping!!

OP posts:

TheCunnyFunt · 02/06/2015 17:01

I have 3 siblings, an older half brother (same mum), an older sister (same mum and dad) and a younger sister (same dad). I've never been on holiday with my brother or my younger sister. I've never lived with them and it's never even occurred to me to get upset over not holidaying with them.

However, if it's upsetting your DS then YANBU. I'm not sure what you could do about it though, you can't exactly demand that XH take DS on all their holidays, can you?

RedXan · 02/06/2015 18:16

I actually agree with this ^^

My DC share the same mum and dad but we aren't together. We both have new partners and he has 2 more DC in that household. We will shortly also be having another DC.

Over Christmas/birthdays etc. my DC end up with presents from me and their dad whereas Ex's DC just get presents from their mum and dad together. So they in essence get two birthdays and celebrations.

Whilst I wouldn't kick up a fuss about ex going on holiday without our DC (I take them on holiday every year myself). I think it would be nice if when he does, they got to go. It's very hard to be a child of seperated parents and I think having some benefits from it is no bad thing.

Gottagetmoving · 02/06/2015 19:02

Children should not have to be included in everything. They should not be excluded all the time, no, but not being involved all the time won't harm them.
Would be nice if the Dad in this case took a break on his own with DS for one to one time without his other children though.
Perhaps OP is Morse concerned than her ds about this?

Gottagetmoving · 02/06/2015 19:03

More,...not Morse!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/06/2015 19:18

It's probably not practical to always take your DS though. I think as long as Dad takes him on holiday once a year and you take him once he can't really feel left out of either part of his family.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/06/2015 19:20

The idea of some quality dad to son time without the little sisters sounds like a good idea though.

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