To wonder why we couldn't borrow PILs laptop

[Pinkpanthershow]

Our laptop has stopped working and DH needed to send a job application so he asked to borrow his parents laptop. They were going on holiday and wouldn't need it for a week so thought it would be ok. However they ended up saying no as there may be personal stuff on it and we shouldn't see their dirty washing!
I am slightly at a loss as to what would be on it. They are both retired and it's not work stuff. Our laptop has nothing on it we would need to hide from them (although I would log out of mumsnet first!). It just seems odd, although it is up to them to not let us borrow it.

I am wondering if other people would not let their family use their laptop? They have a key to our house, and we have never worried about them prying into anything private. We are also not particularly good at IT and we wouldn't have looked for anything private on their laptop anyway.

We will buy a new one anyway, it was just a temporary fix.

They don't want you to see all the emails complaining about their nosy DIL and poncing DS. Tell him to use a computer at the library.

Why does being retired make them less likely to want/need privacy?

It's okay to want private space and not share laptops/phones/tablets at any age.

Honestly, we think we're non-sexist/disablist/racist/ageist on mumsnet but the amount of sniggering about a couple of older people having porn or intimate photos etc is unbecoming. I imagine they have all the same feelings and needs that younger folks have.

Imagine the other way round - 'MIL doesn't understand why I won't lend her my iPhone for the week' the op would seem reasonable. PILs in this case see entirely reasonable.

For me, my phone/tablet is an extension of my brain, I would have no idea what's on there that's private only a strong sense of my privacy being potentially violated if someone else was nosing about on it. YAbu and the pils are nbu!

Honestly, we think we're non-sexist/disablist/racist/ageist on mumsnet but the amount of sniggering about a couple of older people having porn or intimate photos etc is unbecoming. I imagine they have all the same feelings and needs that younger folks have.

Thank you, monkeymamma.

I am pushing 60 & DH is pushing 70 & we still have a great sex life.

Hope that remark hasn't offended anyone.

On my previous laptop I had a 'guest' account as DS used to borrow it so it stopped him getting into my personal stuff (although given that he was a lot more IT savvy than me, I was probably being naiive).

Have never bothered setting one up on this laptop - and haven't worked out how to do it - but no one borrows this and it needs a password to get into it as we have carers in the house when we are out so it needs to be secure. I aso lock the filing cabinet and hide the keys. Not that I don't trust the carers, but some people are just more 'curious' nosey than others.

I'm so glad to read this. I thought it was just me using my laptop the way everyone has described here.

Are they just being petty?

If they're genuinely worried, it's easy to set up multiple users on a laptop so everyone logs in separately and no one can access anyone else's stuff.

I wouldn't let anyone have my laptop or ipad. I twitch if DH picks up my ipad whilst his is charging. I don't share food either.

No, I'd never let someone borrow it! I'm a bit disorganised and would be paranoid that I actually hadn't backed up something vital and it ended up getting deleted... or they might spill coffee on it or something. Also, although I don't have anything horribly personal on it I would be very twitchy at someone having a week to settle down and browse through - it would feel like an invasion of privacy even if they're only reading my CV and notes on work stuff. And no, I wouldn't assume that they wouldn't!

I haven't read the thread in detail but - I would assume that the sniggering about porn etc. would be the response to ANYONE of any age refusing, wouldn't it? 'ooh, what don't they want me to see? Kinky sex tapes!' - surely not malicious and not necessarily ageist at all?

I would not let anyone borrow my laptop for a week. No way. I dont want anyone potentially going through my internet history, emails, favourites list etc, and I dont have porn on it, or anything particularly dodgy, its just personal. I think its weird you even asked tbh

Bran and others, even with the knowledge that you can set up different users so no one CAN access your own stuff?

Not even then only. There are some people who think that all stuff, especially stuff belonging to parents, should be shared without quibble because the person "doesn't need it". It doesn't matter whether it's a laptop, a drill, a bacon sandwich or a helicopter. If a person doesn't want another to use their stuff they shouldn't need to justify their reasons.

I very rarely, if ever, lend any of my stuff out to any one except DH and sometimes my children.

Not even with other users.
If you know what you are doing you can get around restrictions.
I would also have to actively be conscious of where I am storing things because wrong folder and all users can see everything.

i also double check the settings to ensure other members of the house cannot log in from theirs into mine.

They were well within their rights to say no, and we are not annoyed about that. I am slightly annoyed that they could think that we would spend the week going through their internet history or other documents - I just wouldn't do that. I don't have the time or the inclination, and dh would have just used it to send off a job application. Initially I thought he would just send it from their house, with PILs there, but then we realised they would be on holiday, and thought perhaps he could pick it up to send the application whilst they were away.

I am clearly less concerned about privacy than other people, as it wouldn't be a problem for me. My ipad and (non working) lap top is for the whole family to use, and I don't think too much about it.

The speculation about what is on the laptop is just a bit of fun - I am sure the answer is that they just didn't want to lend it, and that is absolutely fine.

We don't have a key to their house, although DH did used to have one. Perhaps they are concerned about their nosey DIL!

The only person who uses my laptop is DP, and even then I have to log him in and watch him like a hawk. I trust him 100% but my laptop is set up and configured how I like it and I don't want someone coming along, using it and potentially messing it all up.

That, and it's a Macbook and I saved for months to get it and it's my baby and it's too valuable to risk losing/breaking.

It wasn't a Macbook - I wouldn't lend that to me either!

I hate it when my dd's call round and pick up my laptop and start to use it, logging into stuff and checking what I have been doing. It feels like such an invasion of my privacy; I don't pick up their mobiles and start looking through their messages and would never dream of.

They also mess about with it and change things and although I know I am being anal and a bit mean, I just can't stand it.

I think your children think that what we own, they own. I wouldn't walk into their homes and start eating their food and drinking their drink which is what they always do here. But I don't really mind that its more the laptop. My son-in-law even starting changing things on my mobile at weekend without asking. Just why?

I think this is perhaps your answer, nothing sinister.

Elsie I wouldn't dream of going to my DM's house and start messing with her laptop. Nor her mobile phone Maybe you need to start being firm on that one, and tell them to get their hands off your stuff.

I have a lot of creative writing on mine that I'm a bit shy about so wouldn't lend my laptop out for that reason

Elsie, you need to (1) set up a guest account for family and (2) change your passwords or you'll have them logging into your accounts from their own homes.

The only person who uses my laptop is DP, and even then I have to log him in

Why don't you just give him his own account, as a non-administrator?

I hate it when my dd's call round and pick up my laptop and start to use it,

So tell them not to, then. There, that wasn't hard, was it?

I wouldn't let anyone use my laptop/pc without me being there. A quick 2 min check whilst I'm about fine but no way would I just hand it over. I hate it if people mess up my settings but mostly because I have financial stuff, private letters, calenders, medical letters on it etc. Private DOESNT mean porn.

Elsie - Make sure laptop/pc/phone are all password or pin protected and (this is the important part) DON'T TELL THEM THE PASSWORDS. If they moan say "you wouldn't like it if I started reading your emails would you?"